When people show you who they are, believe them
I think this should be a new mantra we ST'ers keep at the forefront of our interactions with HCBPs, SKs, DH/DWs, even down to friends, etc. I once read that you are what you consistently do. So, of course, toss out the outlier days or moments, but pay attention to what is consistent, and you'll never be disappointed or surprised. As they say, a tiger cannot change its stripes, by and large. However, I do think in many circumstances, if a person's willingness and desire for change is there, they can and absolutely will make strides - no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you got.
This new way of thinking has helped me come to terms with why I never felt good enough for my SKs. The goal post ALWAYS changed. I felt like I was always talking at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing, taking up too much space. Eggshells. Once you thought you've done something right, or could get on good terms again, you got too suckered in and now are paying the price for it. People can murmur mindless sorries all they want, but pay attention once again to their repeated behavior. It probably is the same as it was previously, right? If a person wants to change and be nicer or better, they will work towards that goal.
It's really sad that nowadays we have to convince people to do the right thing, and be a moral and upstanding person. It's sad that it's not inate in some people to just......be a nice person. I tell my SKs all the time that they set the tone and scene for their relationship with me, even at their ages. Their choices, words, actions, mannerisms.....they all can either stifen our relationship, or strengthen it. They chose to stifen it to the point that I do not want a relationship with them into adulthood if they continue down their violent, crude, overt, self-destructive, weaponized paths. Once I began disengaging, I saw how both of them did not pay me any mind, unless it was to aggravate me or try to sucker me in again. Really think about how cyclical these people's behaviors are. They are so predictable.
When you remove yourself from the equation, and what you come with, you see how people really feel about you and what purpose you serve them. Pay attention to the consistencies and never be roped in again. 
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Truth
I tell myelf all this all the time. Extending myself less and less. SD25 Feral Forger will never have access to me again.
Right on!
Right on!
How long until you get to
How long until you get to that point with PS? False alegations, etc.........?
Take care of yourself CLove.
I need this as a tattoo!
I need this as a tattoo! Beats hoping and hoping.
I removed myself ALL the way
I removed myself ALL the way from the sh*tshow Disneyland parenting style where Beastly Bovine Breeder and her no-home-training dom3stic t3rrorists were the main characters....removed myself completely out of it.
Gabe Disney dad multiple chances to figure out if he wanted a new relationship with a high quality woman or did he want to stay throwing good resources after bad by traipsing after his "helpless" failed former family every time they bat an eyelash
He foolishly chose the latter (and erroneously thought if I loved him enough I'd love his industrial grade baggage which included me as a silent doormat, his exwife as an evil extortionist, and his resource draining spawns) so here we are.
Now in my own space....super peaceful, clean, and quiet.
CELEBRATING!
Meant my last post to be a reply to LillyWY00
♡ Celebrating with you! ♡
Loving every bit of FREEDOM! Love having ZERO DEBT! Love the positive vibes in my home 24/7.
So grateful.
Ah, Ladies! And they are
Ah, Ladies! And they are always so damned surprised when you pull up stakes and walk out the door. Only then come the tears and the promises for change, despite the fact that you’d been begging for those changes months before the last straw broke you. And yes, the peace, the freedom! No more bullying, no more unjust compromises.
Lilly, StepUltimate, you did the right thing but trust me; there is always one (nearly) perfect partner waiting in the wings. I found one of ‘em on the third try. Never despair!
greyskies, Hon, your 13-year
greyskies, Hon, your 13-year-old SD is the star of her own drama. She is full of rage and delights in her conviction that she is controlling your household with her negativity. I was that kind of brat at 13 but my mother refused to put up with my nonsense. She mostly ignored my acting out but when I went over the top, I got a back-hand or two that snapped me back to reality.
Ignoring the little bitch is a sound response to her bullying but I suggest that you carry it a step further. What worked for me, with my own teenaged shithead, was hissing at her when she stepped over the line and walking towards her in a threatening, aggressive manner.
Hon, you are the adult; she is a snot-nosed 13-year-old brat who needs to be put in her place. After all, you’re years older, with far more experience in life and, surely, sick of trying to accommodate someone else’s child who will profit from some adult retaliation. Trust me, you’ll feel better and your SD will be less inclined to get in your face.
My only caveat is to go on the attack when the brat’s father is not around. He’s bound to believe your interpretation of events, rather than those of a hostile teen who is destroying his peace. Men hate to have their peace disturbed and I’ll bet the farm that Daddy has had it ‘up to here’ with his daughter’s behaviour.
SK are punishing everyone for
There parents divorced. Having there life's screw up. They are going to hate you from the start. Doesn't matter what you do, your are wrong. Your not worth talking to. As in you can try your best in " doing for them". "Buy them things" " cook, clean, homework, Uber driver, " doesn't matter, you screw up there life's.
'Meaning you can't win, if you disengage, it most likely will not matter to them, just more ammunition for them. So just stop. Save your time and energy for yourself.
"Repeated behavior is not a
"Repeated behavior is not a mistake, it becomes a choice."
No matter how much DH wants to defend SD14s manipulative and lying ways by saying "she's a teen" I have seen her TRUE colors and no one can convince me otherwise!