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Long time, no see … Update on changing dynamics

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Submitted by greyskies on Mon, 10/28/2024 - 12:57pm

Hello, ST community... 

It's been a while since I've been here.  After a long and painful last few months, so much has happened!!!

First... partner and I have been working together to drop the guilt (particularly my partner) and do what's gotta be done.  This has been a success, but ultimately we cannot control what kids do.  They are still little people and make choices in their behaviors and actions.  That being said, this whirlwind of a last few months has gained us SO much insight... 

SKs took my partner's engagement ring box and destroyed it

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Submitted by greyskies on Thu, 05/02/2024 - 9:44pm

Today's been hectic, my partner just got home and told me she accidentally broke her phone.  She's really busy right now trying to set the new one up and do the transferring of contacts and whatnot.  SKs were brushing their teeth, and I overheard SS10 murmur to SD13, "Do you have it? The box." I have outstanding peripheral vision, so I noticed a white ring box that seemed strikingly similar to the one I gave my partner.  They both had walked out of their rooms for a second, so I peered in. Yep, there is was.

SS10 tried running away today

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Submitted by greyskies on Tue, 04/30/2024 - 7:33pm

My partner went to go pick up SS10 at school this afternoon, and after about an hour of her being gone, I texted her to see what was up and if everything was alright.  School is only half a mile from home.  She told me that the staff was looking around for SS and couldn't find him.  I texted back if I could do anything to help and did not hear back.  She pulled into the driveway about 5 minutes later with him and SD13. 

When people show you who they are, believe them

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Submitted by greyskies on Sun, 04/28/2024 - 11:01am

I think this should be a new mantra we ST'ers keep at the forefront of our interactions with HCBPs, SKs, DH/DWs, even down to friends, etc.  I once read that you are what you consistently do.  So, of course, toss out the outlier days or moments, but pay attention to what is consistent, and you'll never be disappointed or surprised.  As they say, a tiger cannot change its stripes, by and large.  However, I do think in many circumstances, if a person's willingness and desire for change is there, they can and absolutely will make strides - no matter who you are, where you come from, or what yo

The power of being an outcast

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Submitted by greyskies on Fri, 04/26/2024 - 8:53pm

This has been a long-time thing now with SD13 ignoring me in the house.  Going OUT of her way to.  This morning, when she was getting ready for school and eating breakfast, she turned herself in the chair the complete opposite way, back facing me.  She rotated chairs to do it a few times, just in different chairs, at different angles.  Been disenganged slowly over time, but more rapidly recently, and I think she's just angry she can't pick a fight with me.  I'm nonchalant.  I've taken away her power.  She's one of those silent plotters.  You know the person outwardly expresses angst and hat

Asking SD13 to not be a bad person causes her distress

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Submitted by greyskies on Tue, 04/23/2024 - 7:13pm

Every time my partner and I address, correct, and punish poor behavior (stealing, walking onto other people's property, taking off disappearing without telling us in public, being obsessed with death/gore/violence, breaking things, touching things that don't belong to her, cleaning up after herself, helping out around the house, bumping into people, hygiene, insert anything common to troublesome SKs on this site), SD gets enraged.  She'll slap herself, stomp around, scream out.  Everything is a dramatic performance with her.  We just don't even entertain it any mor