Home life is wonderful. Mr Aniki is very happy with his new job and they love him. Our new grandbaby arrived this morning and is a beautiful boy! <3

Work life is a struggle. King Pita is so over his head, it's laughable. However, he's so overwhelmed, he continues to step on toes, reply to old emails (instead of the newest) which causes a multitude of issues, and expects others to handle things that are above our access level (his tasks). I wish he'd bloody well retire. A sloth could do his job better.

I got an attitude reset on Sunday at my daughter's dance recital. There was a young woman in a wheelchair who, along with two dancers, danced both in her chair and on the floor, upright and on the ground (her legs are paralysed). It was stunning, breathtaking and she got a standing ovation. That afternoon,  I learned not to worry about what I can't do and to focus on what I CAN do.

I love spring and summer. I don't think I've loved it this much since I was a kid -- because I've had the time to slow down and notice things. We have a beautiful property with lots of birds. On Sunday, a local wildlife rehabber is coming over and releasing 7 baby bunnies (able to be on their own, of course). I have to admit I'm a *little* excited that they have been handled by humans. hmm.
In January, I quit the job I had when DH had his health crisis last year (long story) and I've been interviewed for a fabulous opportunity to work 2 days a week with basically a f/t salary. I started running and swimming again and I'm aiming for a 4-mile race (with beer at the end) in the fall. I'm working on some of my writing projects (I used to get published back in my 20s and discarded all that with my nose-to-the-money-making grindstone for so damn long) and I'm going to a volunteer training at the local therapeutic riding center this Saturday (therapy riding for veterans). Also tending my flower & veggie gardens. DH and I are going for a 3-mile hike at a nature preserve near the water this morning. 
It's amazing what happens when we slow down. 

This morning Im tired. Yesterday I was more refreshed, but now Im looking forward to a peaceful week. Husband is leaving tonight around 8 for his multi-day fishing trip south, I will have the house to myself without SD18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada, who will be at her mothers until maybe next week or whenever.

Work, while busy-ish has been peaceful due to the manager traveling and the assistant manager being on vacation for the week. Im looking into what activities I will be partaking in while I have this time. Writing, running and music are my top 3 options :

 For writing, Im loving Google Docs, because anywhere I have internet I have access to my story ideas. Im working on a "seasonal romance series" and Summer is HERE

For running, well its been FANTASTIC weather, my yard projects can wait, ive got stuff in the ground all they need to do now is GROW, and the trails near to my home are wonderful - a little wild, but not scary wild. Its close enough to the coast that the ocean breezes are cooling the heat.

For music - Im putting together where Im going to see some live music - Face book is helpful there. Lots of local performers needing an audience, and since husband isnt going to be around, theres no guilt tripping my solo adventures.

Glad your surgery is less that 2 weeks away after today

Generally, I'm good.  Though I am back into the search for my next career role.  My last company is broke.  I'm the 5th 6-figure leader gone in less than 4 mos.  
 

But, my sugar mama just got a nice raise and a big bonus.

Woot woot! Sheildmaiden here. I am doing ok. I am on a new healthier diet, and losing weight. I want to be a my fighting weight for this coming holiday season. I'm sure there will be drama. Allegiances are shifting and new rules are in place, so it should be "fun."

I have been with DH for 12 years. We have seen eachother through illness, injury, and heartbreak, and we are stronger for it. The Sd's have chosen BM over DH - although they could have had a relationship with both, but sadly, didn't. BM is now supporting all 3 SD's (18, 20, 22) while they live at her home. SD 18 is going out of state to college. 

DH and I are trying to think about our retirement and what that looks like. We are kicking around the idea of living in another country where its cheaper, but renting our home out while we are gone. (Not to the SD's!) 

Welcome newbies. How are you all doing? Know that we are here to support you. We've all been there, done that, so no judgement.

I got a big reprieve today.  I was going to take granddaughter, C, her friend and 8yo son to a children's museum today.  But the boy was sick last night so we postponed til next week.  So, that means a whole day off for me, no Silver Sneakers, no visit to Mom.  Yah! I really treasure the days when I dont have to go anywhere. Normally, I only have one "off" day a week.

So, since the day is cooler and breezy, I decided to start a project I've been planning.  DH86, back in the day, was a runner, really good.  We've got 6 shelves of trophies in the family room.   I took them all on the deck and washed them.  I plan to do a little repair and touch up, too.  DH helped, too.

Life is good!

The various spring holidays and family holy days are crippling to me. I hurt deeply from how irrelevant I am to those I wanted belonging with. 

My new job is excellent and I am an asset in my position. The mental work of learning a new set of skills crowds out some of my heartache most days.

The rest of the time I'd prefer a large boulder to fall from the sky and crush me so I could find some genuine relief from the howling loneliness.

I'll get by. It's what I do. It's just a lot of effort to find joy despite the circumstances. Today I'm just weepy and aware of how untreasured I am. It's not right.

Stressed. DH is still battling infected knee replacement. There is progress, but he still can't put weight on one leg. We are waiting on arrival of a wheelchair and in the meantime getting him in and out of the house is difficult and teetering on dangerous. Heck, getting to the bathroom is hard.

But he's appreciative and kind. Some people can be real jerks when they're sick and frustrated and I'm glad I'm not dealing with that.

His kids? Still no contact, to my knowledge. 

I don't know exactly what happened, but perhaps after living in high stress for so long, trying to put in practical solutions for  SO and his disordered kids, now that they're diagnosed, medicated and attending therapy, I had a crash. Things started moving forward finally, and it's just like my body and brain just decided to implement a break. I had this sudden repulsion towards the bratty behavior come over me and realised it's not my job to fix it. While they seem to like me and want contact with me, I do not. That might change with time, I am keeping my mind open.
 

I suddenly felt so burnt out and vacant, but that allowed me to come to some conclusions guilt free: I don't need to play happy family and go on holidays from hell with them. I don't need to drive on Friday night, immediately after work all the way to them, because some waning sports interest and standing around the squelchy/scorched field with no shelter or seats at stupid hour in the morning is more important than my health and rest. 
 

I don't need to diffuse their screaming matches and destructive meltdowns - I can just leave, go for a walk or a drive and come back when it's done. 
 

I don't need to give away my lovely (and pretty fancy) dog that I've always dreamt of, because one of the kids can't stop harassing him until he snaps. 
 

I don't have to move in with them while the kids act obnoxious, escalate, get violent and cause property damage on a daily basis. I can keep my lovely home to retreat to, and dip in and out of their environment as I please. 
 

Heck, I don't even need to go to restaurants with them, where we're  constantly trying to manage their behaviors and prevent a fight from erupting or them purposely breaking something. 
 

I don't even have to spend any time with them I don't want to, AT ALL, because we don't live together. I can choose to see my SO when he arranges child care or sleepovers at friends.
 

I don't have to participate in adoration of the dead selfish, manipulative BM, just because kids need to have a good image of her. 
 

I've had my share of bad choices when younger, and can still hear their echo occasionally, but none of them involved reproducing with a disastrous, disease and selfishness ridden family, and it's not my cross to bear.

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I'm tired.  I'm stressed.  My guinea pig, Princess Popcorn, will have to lose a kidney due to hydronephrosis and what we thought were cysts on her kidneys are actually on her liver.  I went to a University vet hospital in another state this past Monday where I spent too much money to have a detailed ultrasound done when my vet wanted a CT scan.  They said the ultrasound would be better so I said ok.  We at least found out where the cysts are, but we don't know why they're there.  The good news is that my vet went to bat for me and got the company who owns the practice she's in to cover the kidney removal surgery and anything associated with that because it may be a complication of the spay surgery that was done on her last month.  I will be responsible for the liver biopsy and any treatment associated with it.  Kidney removal will be $2000-$4000 if we take her back to the vet hospital and we are being strongly advised to take her there.  I didn't want to go back but I'm willing to as long as the resident who examined her is NOT near her.  My daughter and I did not like or trust her.  My vet is going to request that the other vet who was there do the surgery.  He is supposed to be the best and wrote most of the veterinary books that my vet has.  Since the kidney removal is being paid for by the vet practice owners, we are able to take her there.  

I worked off some of my stress in my sadly neglected garden.  With the stress over Princess Popcorn, not to mention it's been HOT, I haven't had time to weed the garden like I should.  It's not fun to do, but I felt good getting some of the grass and weeds out but now I'm sore.  I have more work to do out there.  I actually found a watermelon today!  In a couple of weeks it should be ready. Popcorn LOVES watermelon.  She will start screaming if she hears my husband cutting a watermelon, demanding a piece.  She has to pull through so she can have her favorite treat.  

I'm glad that Fathers Day is past now.  I miss my dad a lot anyway but especially days like that.  I baked my husband a carrot cake and got him a card.  My daughter went after work and got him a pack of his favorite candy bars and a t-shirt of his favorite football team.  He seemed happy with everything.   I think he had a good Fathers Day and hopefully he felt loved.