Hopefully you not mentioning her doing housecleaning for you in this update is because it did not come up for discussion.

Doing business with family and friends is a very bad idea.

I hired my HS BFF when I was running my company in the mid 80s.  He never understood that things IRL are very different than in the artificial environment of Military School.  He was Sr. to me in the Corps of Cadets. He was the Batalion Commander, I was the XO.  IRL, he worked for me.  THat never stood well with him.

It went well for a couple of years though the last few months there was some growing tension I perceived.  He left for summer NG training and a month + Officer training course.   He closed the night before leaving. I opened the next AM.  I booted up the PC and the closing massages came up. At the top..... "This place sucks, I'm out of here. I quit."

It took a few days for me to process and make a decision.  I promoted his replacement, had them trained, and running shift before he returned.  When he returned I met him for dinner, informed him that I accepted his resignation, and wished him luck.  I had taken a Poloroid pic of the screen (pre cellphone days) and had it on hand for our meeting. He got angry and hurt until I placed the pic on the table in front of him.  He wilted, tried to play the "It was a joke" card.  

One of my primary business partners who was in the CEO seat at that time instructed me to rehire him. I refused. He then told me that I was not to contest unemployment.  Specifically he instructed me not to attend the hearing. I told him that I could not do that as the Sr operations leader of the company I could not avoid the hearing since not having a representative of the company at the hearing was a risk I was not willing to take.  The CEO then instructed me to not bring legal council with me and I was not to say a word.

Okayyyy.

I attended without counsel, did not say a word, and watched as my HS BFF proceeded to present that he was fired without cause.  When he finished laying out his claim for unemployement, the Judge turned to me and asked if I had anything to present. I handed the Judge the poloroid.  The Judge asked my BFF if he had posted the message.  My BFF is no liar and answered that he had.  Unemployement was denied.

My BFF called the CEO complaining that the CEO had told him to file for unemployement. The CEO lost his mind on me over that. I had to remind him that he had not told me to not contest the unemployement claim, he had told me not to bring counsel and not to say anything. I told him to check for a package notification which included not only the monthly operatioons reports but also the transcripts of the hearing.  He would see that I had complied with his instructions and never said a word.  The CEO did not say another word about it. 

The CEO was not just my boss. He was also my business partner.  I did not have the resources to fund operations when I was starting the company so I recruited investors.  He was one of two investors who owned 51% of the company. There were 5 others of us who the rest of the shares in equal proportions.  I never made a financial investment. I developed the concept and recruited investors.  For that I owned 9.8%.  He and I had another friction point a couple of years later.  That one ended my time with the company and forced a buy out of my shares.  That also was a key part of me getting on with my life. That was 2mos after my divorce was final.  That is what payed for engineering school.

As for my HS BFF, it severly damaged our relationship for years.  We recovered, I was in his first wedding, my family and I have been invited to and attended his family reunions (I was very close with his mom and dad as he is with mine).  We both at lease were and are mature enough to recognize that youthful choices are not always the right ones and to forgive each other for them.  It has been nearly 35 years since then.

We started reconciling a couple of years after that whole mess.

I have worked with my parents without issue.  I still seek counsel with my parents in my life, career, my marriage, and as a parent.  Even with that, I do not recommend working with friends or family. The ris kto relationships is just too high.  In the case of SD-62, the risk of conflict between you and DH is not worth the attempt to help SD.

IMHO of course.

But, I blather.  Be careful and take care.

Yep. It's always my advice to get these troubled stepkids out of the house and once out, don't let them back in. I suppose if a adult stepkid is hardworking, helpful and contributes equally to the household, respectful and considerate...then it's fine for them to stay. Unfortunately I don't think I've ever seen that on here. Time after time I read ofstepkids that don't want to work, don't contribute with help or money, are combative or disrespectful (especially to the stepparent) etc.

Your SD is a leech and it's shameful how she still expects her elderly, sick father to take care of her instead of the other way around. Someone really needs to tell her she should have grown up a long time ago. The oldest, most overgrown, wrinkly toddler I've ever heard of, SMDH.

JRI, you were planning to hire cleaning help because you need HELP. You have enough on your plate without "hiring" someone who collapses, gasps, and asks for Depends when coming to your house. Can SD61 be the person you need to take stress and work OFF your plate, or will "hiring" her add to it? I don't think your DH is in a place to make that decision. It's YOU who is caring for an 87-year-old husband with cancer and (i think) dementia. It's you who is caring for a 100+ year old mother. Hire a professional. 

Disengage from her.  SO is her ATM. You should try to control the money to keep her in check. You are not going to stop him but keep amount down..  No matter how much ,, what type of help you need SD Isn't the one to help. You should try to keep her away. Not going through your home looking at everything.  
seams like you don't realize SD has a illness and  you expect the same thing out of insane person.  This is not going to happen. Since SD " doesn't have a life. As also, friends ". She is down to poor Mr I am sick. I spent 4 days in the hospital looking for a illness to match ..  tge food is ok. MRI room was cold ect.

Before any cleaning could ensue.

She sounds just like SD25 Feral Forger who sucks the air out of any room shes in.

"Yep. It's always my advice to get these troubled stepkids out of the house and once out, don't let them back in" That describes whats been one of my life goals and have chosen as my proverbial HILL to DIE on.! Especially since I also have one of those SD's who say they cant work or just wont. Mooching off the state full time must be so exhausting, poor thing!  ( sarcasm) 

@JRI, I would advise to continue to delcare your HILL to die on also refusing to live SD slip her way back in as much as possible. It is absolutley infuriating and ridiculous that she would still expect any favors from you and your DH knowing you have way more than enough on your hands caring for him and also for your elderly mother. SD shouldnt be asking one more damn thing from you.and especially DH. Makes you wonder how much she really cares. 

You would think that long before her age, these SDs would have a least that much self awareness to realize that much. But it seems in typical fashion, its like they rarely show  consistent , sincere interest in being useful unless there is some kind of benefit for them too. Considering the history with SD, I cant blame you for being wary over accepting her "help" since you know she is running some type of game. You know its BS. 

It also begs the question as to whether or not accepting her offer is going to cause more stress and do more harm that good....NO matter how much the SD claims that she means well and might have good intentions.  ( they always say they "mean well' dont they?)  Thats also why I can see this some of your situation possibly playing out in some way for me down the line.

Basically, out of the blue, my SD29 almost 30  is aleady coming off like I should be expecting her to take care of me in old age. This is an arrangement I was never aware or agreed to, and already feel uneasy about it.  She has to be out of her mind too. This girl can barely take care of herself or get her own life together til this day, but she has "good intentions' though.

She is also still too  emotionally dependent on my elderly mother in law than she should be. So, you see how well that woud work out!  Ask me why I dont have much confidence.

Im sorry to break it to anyone, but just living on "good intentions' doesnt cut it for me. and it shoudnt be enough for you and your DH either.