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DH says he wants to start seeing a therapist

used2beRutherford's picture

Submitted by used2beRutherford on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 7:42am

He told me he wants to go to therapy on his own to help cope with his daughter's behavior and to seek some advice on how to properly set and maintain boundaries. 

He told me he is worried that he will cave and continue to let her walk all over us. He admitted that he has been "soft" when it comes to her.

I'm glad he's considering this. He deserves healing too. Starry has not just hurt me by her behavior. She has also deeply hurt her father. He said yesterday that her actions are ruining his relationship with her. 

The whole thing is just sad.

Comments

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 7:55am

BUT make sure he finds a therapist that deals with toxic children in the blended world. They are out there. You may have to interview a few but finding the right one is worth it. DH and I have been through several therapists. One was great, then he wasn't when he went through his own marriage issues. Second one was a  "parrot" saying what we wanted to hear. OUr current therapist and hopefully last, is balance and spot on. He also has a friend who became a widow, remarried a few years later and the kids are toxic. So...that was a plus.

With all that said, I think therapy is a great place to begin healing. Best to you and him.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 9:16am

 therapist.  Most deal with intact family's. Not SF.  The old saying goes, you have to live it to truely have a shot of understanding it.  Like I always said. I thought I could handle SLIFE. was I wrong.  I truely believe someone with kids divorce there something radical wrong with them.  [ call me names ]. To break up your family to think another person wants your kids. Major problem. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 9:26am

I agree with comments above about preferably getting a therapist with experience and knowledge of step family dynamics and PAS.  Having said that, a genuinely good therapist will be willing to be educated about such things!  My DH has been seeing a therapist for over 2 years (without any particular expertise in step issues) and is now MUCH better about setting boundaries and not allowing triangulation within his family.  I would also recommend your DH "interviews" several therapists and picks the one he feels will be most helpful.  

used2beRutherford's picture

Submitted by used2beRutherford on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 10:02am

The problem here is that we are not in a financial position to shop around. We do have access to some no-cost sessions at one facility through DH's work insurance. That might have to do for now until we can afford to be choosy. 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 4:33pm

He told me he wants to go to therapy on his own to help cope with his daughter's behavior and to seek some advice on how to properly set and maintain boundaries. 
 

GOOD!!!

If most men at least acknowledged their shortcomings when it comes to parenting their spawns then this would be the first step to turning things around for the better which would lead to more satisfying relationships/marriages