OT - Dude updates
So the dude who I asked to get tested got tested and showed me his results (guess he didn't want to eff around and find out how fast I'd end it if he didn't). So I suppose fine for now and he's been a gentleman thus far. And asked to define if we were exclusive.
I felt compelled to say yes.
Then later the next morning I thought about the other guy (with the kid) who've I've been also dating. I feel horrible now that they both expressed wanted to commit more and now I have to choose.
Both seem like decent dudes just one has the kid/coparent dynamic that I don't think I want to do and the other one is new/id have to learn someone all over again.
Le sigh
Praying I make the right choice
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I would have responded with
I would have responded with “I don’t like to put labels on things.” And kept it at that.
Exactly- I'm such a pushover
Exactly- I'm such a pushover (like a Disneyland date)
Guess I've overcommitted to them both but they're both good dudes which - after dealing years of ruthless, selfish, even predatory men - I admit I have been surprised that I've been blessed with decent men in my dating life
Are you worried about getting
Are you worried about getting serious with someone with a kid again? Or does he seem to have it together?
Yeah honestly the underage
Yeah honestly the underage live-in dependent and what goes along with it is intimidating me.
I swore up and down I'd never live with a man's kids again especially if we're not on the same page parenting wise I don't have time to sit around expending energy getting some no home training kids up to par, deal with Disneyland shenanigans, nor some nut job BM who thinks the sun rises and sets on her and her spawns. I don't want to deal with my man at the Beck and call of another woman "for the kids sake".
And I really prefer my man not being legally obligated to spend money outside our household and into another woman's household (although I understand these kids deserve child support money)
I have higher expectations out of men with live in dependent kids just to offset the nuances of immersing into their situation
Aside from that, that dude with the kid has it mostly together although he's not at wealthy as the newer dude (he is generous with what he has).
The both seem to be generous which is a good quality
Skids would be a no for me
If I had it to do all over again, I would not date a man with a kid. It's just a whirlwind of being the 3rd wheel, family drama and never being allowed to make a decision because ..... it's not my kid. Starting fresh with someone with no kid drama definitely would have it's benefits. After nearly a decade I'm just over it. Sounds like you've been down that road too.
If I had it to do all over
that's exactly why I left the Disneyland dad I used to deal with got tired of living in a skid centric household with his ex wife calling all the shots
then when I addressed it with him I got gaslit, argued with, and blown off
I do have an opportunity with a rare child free man, making high salary, wants a long term commitment, and who is open to having kid with me.
So I think I'm Leaning towards the newer dude and praying he's everything he says he is
If you don’t want this high-salaried,
generous, child-free man, can I please have him?
Why. Just WHY. again WHY
Would you want to date a man with a kid ....a ex ...and baggage... that goes along with it. Didn't you learn ? You don't do good being number 2 in a relationship...or 3 or maybe 4. .. kid less man has to be the better choice. Instead of running kids around all weekend. He can be feeding you graps
Based on the facts at present
Based on the facts at present, IMHO there is only one choice. One is DQ'd by minor aged breeding baggage. Go back and read your posting and comment history and remind yourself of the commitment you made to yourself.
You had non breeder get tested. He is safe on every level including countless levels that breeder dude is not.
I know I am speaking from a very safe place that does not include much drama. However, if I were to find myself single (I will sacrifice a goat shortly to appease the fates I have now tempted) I would hope I was firmly in the position of zero spawn. If I waffle on that, then I would do everything possible to not engage with someone with minor children or children other than successful self supporting adults who live on another Continent or otherwise in a place far far away.
Care about you more than to risk yet another shit storm of failed family baggage. You have successfully raised your kids. The odds of breeder boy friend doing that successfully with his COD are probably about on par with the odds of any marriage successfully surviving.
Don't do that to Lilly! You should introduce yourself to Lilly and talk to her about her experiences in this arena.
To leverage Harry's message above. Make sure the grapes you are being served and peeled!
One is DQ'd by minor aged
My only question is - why are
My only question is - why are you even asking yourself which one to choose???
The answer is OBVIOUS lol.
You already extracted yourself from a soul destroying, energy sapping situation with a loser and his offspring.
Don't sign up for a repeat experience!!