Getting ready for the big one
As expected, SS63 called requesting her Christmas $ early due to "bills, car trouble and my anxiety". So, she came over yesterday.
She sat down and started her organ recital. Then she asked if she could come over sometime and talk to me to let me know what's going on. (My body said "Alarm, Alarm"). I said okay but I hope it wasn't about money cuz I'm about tapped out with Christmas and our real estate taxes are due. She said, oh, no (a probable lie). She started to talk about her recent flurry of medical tests
From what I could understand, a cardiologist says she has narrowed arteries to her heart and pending an echo, probably faces an operation, either stints or bypass. In other words, cardiac artery disease. She has put off getting the echo but promises to schedule it Monday.
Her breast implants have done something that sent her to a doctor who says both breasts should be removed. She declined a biopsy.
Her orthopedist says she needs to get her other knee replaced but she realized that must wait.
To be frank, I'm not sure if she heard it all correctly or understood. She says that say someone is supposed to go with her to the echo which would take place in an office in the next county, about 40 miles away. DH87 immediately offered to go but I said I didn't feel comfortable with him driving somewhere unfamiliar. He said, "then you could go with me". She said she remembers me saying asking DH87 should be her last resort. I said her daughter, C, who lives in that county would be the person to go. We left it as C taking her with us as backup.
So, she is scheduled to come over Friday morning. Heaven only knows what else it could be. Merry Christmas.
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My heart sank as I read this.
My heart sank as I read this. Why in heaven's name is she still pestering YOU, as opposed to DH? My understanding was you had stepped away from most dealings with her.
We were together
We were together in the living room when she came in. I dont think he would have fully heard it or understood. As a matter of fact, I know he didn't since he seemed surprised when I spoke about it later. Combination of hard of hearing and oncoming dementia. Sigh....
Wow
No offense but she sounds like she's been rode hard and put away wet. I'm 64 and have had no knee replacements or hip transplants etc etc. I certainly don't have boob implants. I probably have some heart artery thing going on due to genetics but your SD sounds like she's falling apart.
Falling apart
I hate to sound unsympathetic but we've been hearing about so many health issues over the years, I'm jaded. Aside from the current crop, we've heard or dealt with Barrett's esophagus, ulcer, migraine, trouble retaining iron, back and dental issues resulting in dentures and the mental issues (depression, anxiety, panic attacks). I know some of its real.
When she lived here as a teenager, she was healthy, never sick. If she had something like wisdom teeth removal, she healed quickly. She's never been fat.
I think poor diet, lousy judgement and former drug abuse account for some of it.
Didn't you say, though, that
Didn't you say, though, that when she got her first period, instead of going to the drug store like a normal person she went to the ER?
Yes
Yep, that's her. She had Daaad take her, can't remember where I was. Then after she started having periods, she'd leave her used pads draped around the bathroom. After she and I discussed, she switched to flushing them. Plumber bill time $$$.
And you might wonder why I'm sick of her.
An echo cardiogram is non invasive and no big deal
An echo cardiogram is non invasive and no big deal to undergo. It is basically an ultrasound in the chest area. She probably won't get the results that day anyway. She really doen't need someone with her for the test.
She's emotional
She's a drama queen. Years ago, I was with her for some kind of routine test, cant remember what. Tears, hanging on to the nurse's hand, it was a trip. Thanks for posting, if she asks us to go, I'll call and verify whether they want her to have someone.
This kind of stuff is partly why 2 of her kids have checked out on helping her.
Drama, tears, here we go. I
Drama, tears, here we go. I can't believe she still expects her 87-year-old father to rescue her. But then she doesn't live in normal reality.
An echo definitely doesn't need a driver to be with her, as notsurehowto said. It's simple imaging. She probably has all the medical info jumbled. Or expects sympathy.
Sympathy and pity
You hit it, desire for pity and sympathy. She wasn't always like this, or maybe was a little but since her split from exDH 14 years ago, it's been all downhill. I dont know what she gets out of it cuz I dont want anybody to pity me, just don't understand it.
Yeah, depending on a 87yo man with 2 forms of cancer, hearing issue and oncoming dementia, I just don't get it. As she asked to come over to discuss her probs, she said, "I know you're busy with your mom and everything, but...(her problems)". She just doesn't get it that yeah, I'm busy with DH87 and his issues 24/7, my 101yo mom, my 80yo self and my house. I think when she comes, I'm going to lay it on heavy.
There's this well known
There's this well known scammer in my area, and when he approached me at a gas station i knew who he was. He started with his fake story of woe and in reply, i started one-upping him. Him "My car ran out of gas and I left my credit card at home!" Me "Oh my gosh, mine ran out of gas, my card has declined, and i might lose my house!" Maybe if you do that, she will find someone else to hit up.
Good idea!
One good thing is that I have time to prep.
63 years old and still
63 years old and still expecting.... checks notes... "Christmas money".... wtf is wrong with her? I mean seriously... w...t... ever-loving f ... is wrong with her?
Christ on a cracker.
Maybe it should be explained to her like this... SD63, your father is 87.... understandably and to be expected.... at his advanced age, he has trouble sorting his thoughts and you dumping your problems over his head confuses him and it stresses him out. If you CARE about him and you want him to live longer, then you really need to put him and his health first for once in your long life and sort out your own issues WITHOUT involving/bothering your elderly father. He does not need this at his age.
Again I reiterate she is 63-FREAKING-YEARS-OLD! Long, long, looooong past time to stop depending on dad to bail her out. Christ!
Depending
I think she's depending on me. But I plan to lay it on about my current responsibilities and actually say, ' You can't depend on me".
Jeez
Every time I read your posts about this woman, I cringe. I am 63. Aside from her health "stories," the fact she's depending on you and her 87 year old father for so much financial support is just sickening.
I agree with you clearly informing this woman that you are NOT someone she can depend on. She needs to somehow get her life managable. Gosh, JRI. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Thanks
Thanks, Cajun. I would so much rather have you or Thinkthrice for a SD since you guys are her age. Lol. But, yes, the more I think about it, the more plainly I plan to make clear, "You cant depend on me!" Stay tuned.
But you know hiw it was going to go
Why be. Upset. What ever reason SD can't work out her finances . Is always short. of Money. DH is always going to give her money. This is a DH problem.. All you can do is have a talk with DH and limit the amount of money you give SD per year . As we will give SD $1000 [. I like 10 numbers] per year. That is !$ 80 a month or $ 160 every other month.
We kind of do this
We have a fixed amount we pay for her shelter expense. We split finances so DH has a finite "allowance" to use as he wishes and when she whines, thats where any $ comes from but he's been getting more stingy with her. Since I told her upfront NO about any more $, it will be interesting to see what her discussion will be about..
One positive note is that she's apparently getting more info about moving to federal housing. Her insurance gave her a social worker who has been working with her. Her daughter, C, is agreeable to living, with her 8yo son, with SD63 in a bigger place. The social worker turned SD on to that program which will pay a caretaker, C. So, both would be in a better shape in federal housing: bigger place, less expense for SD, built-in banysitter for C, someone living with SD. Stay tuned....
At certain ages DR. puts people on certainly mediations
Not sounding as it's a game. But they will not renew the medication until you see them. Every 6 months or year, Then they schedual tests. This is normal today. SD is like my SD. NO matter how much money you give her. She will spend it. And need more. she has 5 instpote. At $100 plus each. Water fountain, tv in kitchen, And more . So don't go broke. Because if you do she still will need money for something.
Sounds like my SD
Back in the day, she was a shopper. House well furnished, she and the kids well dressed, paid for by exDH's 2 jobs. Flash forward and she's living on disability and even with us supplementing, constantly faces electric and phone turnoffs. I often see her in clothes not seen before and she always says, "Dollar Store or Goodwill". I've told her, you can't even afford Dollar Store or Goodwill. She just can't manage $.
I was talking to someone with a similar problem
But a bio family. The BF doesn't want to buy his DD clothing , for AP high school / college credits courses. About if we keep bailing out these people,, why should they change ? No need to because someone will bail them out. It's a circle of dysfunction.
We don't work, or spend too much money. Get short then bailed out. You the one bailing out ,, gets hurt. Not the one receiving the money. The question was '''hie to stop this dysfunctional behavior'''' I have no answer