Update. Well BM went off the deep end
As I knew she would and show her true hateful self. Can you believe after all this shit someone dropped SD 15 off at the ex husbands house and just expected DH to get her . BM made her mother drop off SD after her mother went and drove maybe 2 hours to meet her ( yes, all because SD wanted to go to this party) both BM and her mother made all the arrangements ( BM is sitting comfort at home and barking orders) while DH was at his appt so he didn't reply until he got out . So instead of BM mom bringing SD over here or maybe meeting DH , BM mom took Sd to her house then I guess to BM ex husband house ?! I know, it's super confusing and we still aren't sure why SD is not home with us. After talking to DH about all this mess he decide enough is enough and this should have never even happened . BM should have kept to her original plans to bring SD to stay with us Monday- Wednesday morning but because SD wanted to go to this party she decided to inconvenience everyone . Then when DH asked BM if Her mom could just drop off Sd at our house she said she was tired because she already drive 2 hours to met her then dropped her off at the exes house . So finally DH put his foot down to BM and plainly told her " At this point, this is getting a bit overwhelming and ridiculous. It's my weekend and SD should be with me . Not your sister, mother or ex husband. You didn't bother asking me before hand when making these plans, the last I heard were the original plans you made yourself about coming on Monday . Then for someone reason you kept changing them. It's not my fault your mom is tired , that is your own fault for forcing her to met you half way then also telling her to drop SD off at your exes house for a party . Since you and your mother seem to have everything planned out please find a way for SD to come to my house Tomorrow, Monday or Tuesday at SIL house by 5. I am done being dragged into this . I will also have a talk with SD" of course BM has to come back full attack mode. Cussing out DH, calling him absent father .. which is BMs own doing by PASing then blaming DH. How DH is unsupportive and BM is barely getting by and blah blah. I mean she really went on a petty self party . It's really ridiculous for her to say she is " barely getting by " when she buys SD a pair of UGGs every few months, SKIMs , expects others to get SD lululemon outfits . Oh and she pays over 2k to put SD in a volleyball league and have private lessons when SD can play for her school. She does a lot of extras... also how can call DH absent when she does everything to keep SD allow and see her father as an option. I mean really ....aren't these BMs just the best ...and she ended it with f bombs and F you . Real classy
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Good for your husband--and of
Good for your husband--and of course this was the Crazy B's response. They set things up for conflict. Not only did she want to disrupt your home life over the holidays, but she wanted to create upset and most likely wanted to POKE you and DH enough so that someone would say something to her so that she could go off.
Again, with a problem person like this, I'd suggest going no-to-little contact, maybe limiting communication to emails or texts and certainly not answering 99% of them and, like you said, pushing communication to be directly between your DH and his 15 yo. Put BM on the outskirts, where she belongs.
BM is obviously having a crap holiday and "needs" to lash out at people. The worst thing you can do to these kinds of monsters is ignore them (although I'm glad your DH confronted her!). All of this garbage comes right out of the playbook. So disgusting. Sorry you all are dealing with this.
(We went through all of this and the "barely getting by" BS stories, too.)
Yup . He really does need to
Yup . He really does need to revert back to limited communication. I really think BM lives beyond her means if she is really struggling . She is all about material items and that is what SD is into of course .
You understand your
DH and his DD relationship, is real shakey. SD same as BM wants to do what's best for her, going to this party is more important then spending time with her BF. I an sure BF and you would do something with SD if shen came over at a reasonable time. But the party is more important. '' BF is like when I get there'''
And she is only 15 imagine when she gets older.
Hate to say this, but DH, is the person who married BM and had a kid with her,, I can't believe she magically changed. She was his way from the start.
Yea I feel like BM gets in
Yea I feel like BM gets in the middle of his relationship with SD and poisons her against him and us , she has bad mouthed us before to Sd, her family and even DH own family. Just when DH is starting to have a good relationship with SD insert Bm. You nailed it though, sadly SD is just like BM. Both are extremely selfish and everything must resolve around both of them and we should be excited about the crumbs we get . It's just sad just I know BM is telling SD how this is all Dhs fault, "well youR dad doesn't want to get you know" SD texted DH around 7 ( while she is at the party ) am I staying at your house tonight ? I know the only reason she text DH is because BM told her something already. We had not heard from SD this whole time, not even when she got in town did she text DH saying she was here , nothing at all! I told DH prob 4 years ago that things would be this way if he did t put his foot down. And here we are. I'm sure BM when in turn punish DH by just getting SD and taking her back home, and she will make sure she tells DH family that it's his fault they won't see SD for Christmas . Long sigh
But also BM and DH were never married. They were dating for about a month when BM got pregnant. Sadly that's when DH started to realize the person she was. He broke up with her when SD was about 1 and immediately enrolled himself in child support.
Interesting how SD only texts
Interesting how SD only texts DH when she knows there is drama afoot.
Right . DH has not even
Right . DH has not even responded to it. I think he is just just hurt over all by this. BM said some really really hurtful things and even tho he knows they are lies he also knows she is telling that to SD. He also thought SD was coming early to be with him and her siblings so he is hurt that she didn't even text nor try to come over before the party and all that .
Good for your DH for refusing to go get her. As you said, he nee
Good for your DH for refusing to go get her. As you said, he needs to really dial back communication with BM. He needs to practice "BIFF" both in writing and when they are talking. The minute she goes off topic and starts berating him, he should hang up. So sorry this mess is happening to you at the holidays.
finally DH put his foot down
GOOD.
Standing up to toxic exes and BMs is necessary sometimes otherwise they will keep pulling their shenanigans
While SD is a kid she knows good and well this is the weekend to be with her dad/dads family and should also have communicated with her dad in advance if she was trying to make other plans.... she knew her mom and grandmom would cater to her no questions asked (even at the expense of parenting time with her dad)
Right . BMs First text to DH
Right . BMs First text to DH was Thursday . Saying " SD got invited to my ex husbands daughter party, do y'all have plans" again. Why are you even entertaining this when it's DH weekend. wtf does it matter if we have plans or we are sitting at home, SD should be with DH. Or BM if she was supportive of DH and SD relationship she should have told SD " that is your fathers weekend so you need to ask him" none of this happened and the whole time DH was trying to find ways to get SD before the party and he never ever once said it was okay for her to go. Also why would BM say they are coming Monday if she wanted SD to go to the party . The whole thing is one big mess but yes it got ugly but kudos for DH standing his ground . If his family even says one word to him or us about ( if SD is not around x mas eve) I don't think I'll be able to get my
mouth shut. lol
I think it's great he stood
I think it's great he stood up to her and said his piece. I know disengagement has its time and place, and brevity, but at the same time you can't be afraid to call someone out and it got to that point.
Yes that part. It was getting
Yes that part. It was getting really really ridiculous and it's like no we don't deserve this treatment. He is going to have a very serious talk to SD about this because she is old enough the understand
DH and your relationship with SD
Is more then likely over. You are not going to get any crumbs what are left over. It's up to DH how he wants to handle this. He should of have the dates / tine . Place / of drop off in a yearly text. And tesm it was DH time and SD should of asked DH about the party. But DH woukd of said no. That why BN started the crazy train.
Yea he knows that now and
Yea he knows that now and said also already had a talk with SD from a previous incident about asking for permission on his time but SD I guess figured that BM would handle it and handle DH . But yes, he should have told BM from the start when she was trying to make plans , No. but because DH was busy he didn't , he didn't acknowledge any of her plans or say yes. So now after she told him F you, she is punishing DH but not allowing him to have SD ( we have not heard a peep from BM or Sd) Sd is old enough to speak up for herself so if she wants to be with DH she should say it but I'm sure BM has already told her lies