StepTalkers,

I really have had it dawn on me that our SKs are most likely already out the womb who they are.  Research and experience implies such as well.  Yes, the good old nature vs nurture.  Both are important and contributory.  Of course, certain circumstances and environments can further shape a person, but what differentiates the twin study where one twin grew up to become a millionaire, successful with a loving family, and the other an impoverished drug addict following in his father's footsteps. 

After my experiences assisting raising and monitoring my SKs, one of them has made barely any progress.  The other has made strides in many ways but not much personality wise.  I understand kids are still developing and may come into their own later on, but by around age 10, I think most kids solidify who they are personality wise.

I had a lot of adversarial experiences growing up.  I to this day am still generous, kind, loving, caring.  It is who I am at my core.  We are wired to be able to evolve and change with a little work, but I am still who I am.

I am convinced just some kids are born wrong and wired wrong.  No amount of lecturing, yelling, kind platitudes, advice, support, kicking to the curb, you name it will help.  Goes in one ear out the other.  Some people are just wired to be self destructive and drag others down with them.  Some people are just wired to think they're godly and worldly, and treat others around them like scum unless they are directly benefiting from them.  Some people are just plain lazy and fine being hoarders despite education on why not to be and how to be hygienic.  Some people just want to be miserable and find a scapegoat.  Yes, EVEN KIDS!!! 

My whole worldview has changed being a child free step figure.  And I am sure the genetics with some of these family ties are not helpful.  I read so many stories on here of hoarder/mentally unstable/trashy/foul/criminal bio-parents.  Yes, again, some can be born into such negative circumstances but be better and do better.  But some just don't see a reason to.  They follow in the footsteps and are almost proud of themselves.  They elicit a condescending mannerism.  They think they're better than everyone.  They think they know so much.  They love being the perpetual victim.

This may be an unpopular opinion for the modern masses of "gentle parenting," (which, when applied in their poor taste, is just PERMISSIVE parenting) but I am convinced some people are born wanting to watch the world burn.  And they should experience the natural consequences after a while.  You want to be trashy?  Go be trashy and see how far that gets you.  You want to hang out with delinquents?  Go on, but we aren't bailing you out when you get into trouble.  You want to take from people mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally?  People will eventually figure out who you are and normal people will weed themselves out of your life.  The trash will linger of course.

I'm not advocating for neglect or ignorance.  I am simply noticing that there are things far beyond our control, and we sometimes have to sadly back away, save ourselves and others who did no wrong and want no part of it, and let sh!t hit the fan for these lunatics.  The other thing with these types of people.... they always end up alone in the end.  They are so utterly insecure and jealous of what others have that they worked hard for, that they cannot stand to see it and have to insert themselves into it for likes but simultaneously degrade and hate the people attached to the wonderful things.  They love to be apart of the action but are sore losers and will turn on you when you look the other way.

I say... LET THEM!  People who reject help and do not care about their behavior impacting others should not continuously be a burden to others in any shape or form.