Failure to Launch
BM worked hard to create mutual dependence between/among herself and the skids. The enmeshment with SD in particular has been like nothing I've seen. For years, I likened "BM's world" to a cocoon inhabited by the three of them. SS was at times an outlier, but it appears that he, now in his late 30s, has fully entered the fold. Like he's going backwards.
BM, SD and SD's husband moved to the mountains to homestead/create a compound. They are fanatically religious. As they continue to plan, BM lives in an apartment. SS told DH that he "could never live there" (the southern rural area). He's been a digital nomad who crashes at mommy's for months on end. He attempted that up here early on and, well, hell no. He's been airbnb'ing internationally and unemployed for a while now, has no car, no apartment, no furniture, nothing. He just received a six-figure job offer--the most he has ever made--but rather than be a big boy and find a place to live, a car, etc., he's moving into mommy's small apartment. When asked, he told DH that eventually he will move out on his own. . . but nearby.
SD never launched emotionally/independently into adulthood; she is extremely dependent on BM on a day-to-day basis. SS has just officially given the finger to being an adult. This is what BM wanted; it's what she created. I don't get it. But, hey, they aren't coming here, so I have no complaints.
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There nothing you can do
Unfortunately there's something mentally going on. There's kids are not normal, at there age they are not going to change. They are not going to wake up tomorrow a new person.. So be happy they are at BM , not at your home
Hear hear!
Hear hear!
The responsible parent in these situations is demonized.
We chose the burning platform for getting our kid, my SS, to launch after HS.
He had the full meal deal mom and dad funded University option. He was not interested. Likely mostly due to the guilt trip by the SpermClan that would have kept them on the hook for CS for another 3 more years had he gone that route. SpermLand ends CS at the later of 18 or HS graduation. At 18, if the kid is a full time higher education student and remains in good standing with their school, CS shifts from being paid to the CP to be paid directly to the kid by the NCP. The SpermClan badgered him to no end that if he required them to pay him CS for 3 more years that his 3 younger Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas would starve.
He succumbed to their guilt and let them off of the CS hook for college. Sadly, they kept that guilt crap front and center to much so that they alienated him completely and he wrote them off for pushing and pushing him to repay the 16+ years of CS, which he refused. They then went full court guilt press for him to give them money via direct payroll withholding to help support his half sibs. He refused that pressure as well.
At the point that he refused the college offer, we outlined his future. To remain in our home and on mom and dad's dime he had to be either a full time student, working full time, or half-n-half student and worker. Not interested. So, it was burning platform time. We built a high platform, stocked it with a massive pile of flammable material, and lit it. That platform was that on his 18th B-day at the end of the summer after he graduated from HS we tossed the torch on the pyre and he started to dance to keep his tail feathers from going up in flames.
He was our live in beck and call chore boy. That was his life. When we left for work every AM, he had an exhaustive chore list. That kid swept, mopped, dusted, washed, folded, put away, scrubbed, mowed, trimmed, edged, weeded, scraped, painted, washed windows, sliced, diced, chopped, cut, cooked, served, then cleaned up. The WiFi and cable was disabled as we left for work. If we went to dinner, he came with us, if we went on vacation, he was with us. But his existence was ever increasing lists of unpaid drudge and labor.
If he did the exhaustive chore list by the time we got home from work he then got to cook, serve, eat with us, then clean up and then got to do it all again the next day. If he did not get it all done, he was on the front step when we left for work and had to figure it out for himself. When we got home he had to get the prior days unfinished chores completed and that days chores completed before we left for work the next AM. He only tested us twice.
He decided that rather than be beck and call labor for only room and board that he would take a different path. He enlisted in the USAF on the delayed entry program then left for basic 4mos later. He remained out beck and call chore boy until he left. The delay in starting basic was motivated by the training slot for his job specialty. He is smart as can be and his ASVAB scores were in the top 2% so the USAF limited his job options to very specific areas.
4days ago he celebrated his 14th service anniversary. 5yrs and 361 days and he will qualify for full military retirement.
His mom and I are exceptionally proud of him.
Our biggest source of parental terror was the possibility that he would choose to remain in SpermLand following his last COd visitation before turning 18. He graduated HS at 17 and did not age out from under the CO until his birthday. He had never remained in SpermLand for his B-day due to being a late summer boy. He asked if he could extend his final visitation by two weeks to be with them for his B-day.
His mom gave her permission. To minimize the possibility of him refusing to return home we flew my DW's brother out and she and her brother road tripped across country to SpermLand so that if he was not coming home he would have to tell his mom that face to face. I flew to SpermLand and my bride and our kid and I road tripped home doing some great National Parks, etc on our way back.
As long as your sofa slug SS is allowed to continue to suckle off of mommy he will not be a viable adult regardless of how much money he makes.
Your DH must be so proud.
You are right: the
You are right: the responsible parent is demonized. And SS is a mini-husband/ perpetual child all at once.
Oh boy, BM
Wow! That sounds like a netflix series waiting to happen.
I dont hear/see much on the Sd platform, just know that SD18 Powersulk has quit her job at trader joes because she was making too much money and endangering the subsidised housing she shares with her mother Toxic Troll.
"Grey Gardens", SS edition!
"Grey Gardens", SS edition!
For real people this would be beyond belief.
For TT, FF, and PPS this is par for the course.
I'm so glad that you are past the CO CLove. Hopefully, the harpy squad has reached the stay gone and no call continuum so you can have peace.