MorningMia's Blog
That Glazed-Over Look
It’s the look the skids (SD much more than SS) always had whenever I mentioned anyone in my family, when any of my friends or family (who were always extremely kind to them, by the way) were around, when I said anything about my job or other activities, when I pointed out where I worked as we drove by. Glazed-over eyes and no comments.
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Finances
I know finances can be an issue in the healthiest of relationships/families, but in dysfunctional step-families, they fuel a bona fide s-show. One early red flag was after BM learned we were dating: Suddenly, the "needs" ($) of the skids ramped up (DH mentioned this to me with a bewildered look on his face). It was unusual that yet another laptop or iPad had broken and needed replaced; iPods had to purchased; new cell phones were needed; there were camps to attend; professional photograph sittings*; etc. BM did not have a good job and complained of struggling.
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Stepmom-or-dad power plays
After reading the blog entry "Skids have no compassion," I was thinking about step parent power plays that turn the tables . . . if even just for a moment. If you've had one, please share! If you fantasize about one, do tell!
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Calls, texts, videos ramping up
Over the past month, I have felt my anxiety level slightly increasing. I've done so well in the past with detaching from skid s***, but I feel this creeping fog rolling in.
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Imagine being a poopsieberry who needs to come home to mommy for your 36th birthday
Am I crazy? My god, my parents were not perfect but they did encourage independence. By 36, I owned a house and a mountain cabin and had a fulfilling life outside of my parents. Although I continued my relationships with them and their partners, I didn't feel the need for them to pamper me during holidays.
Just food for thought: Boundaries
I was on a FB page about narcissists and came across this:
When you don't allow people to walk all over you anymore, the narrative will change. You'll become the villain in their story because you won't be giving them what they have no problem taking from you. But at least in your story, you'll be free.
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The Pros & Cons of Social Media
At the beginning of the step saga, I used social media as you're "supposed" to--to be friends with the skids and keep up on what was going on with them. When drama started, I used it to keep up on what was being kept secret from DH. He was being told one story (waaaaa. . . no moneyyyyyy), but there was a very different story displayed on social media (excessive spending). Social media was useful for revealing the incredible number of lies we were told through the years. In one way: why was that my job? In another way: how else would we have known any of the truth? Was it worth it?
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Mental disengagement & SS
Five steps forward; two steps back. How quickly things change. We've been on the right path for a while now, and the last 6 months have been particularly good.
SS and I got along when he was a teenager. He had his issues, but he wasn't going along with the PAS program the way his sister was, and he'd apologize when his behavior occasionally slipped into the "us vs. them" BM rule. He had even told me at one point that he felt his sister's behavior was extremely unhealthy. We know he had some issues with his mother.
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Effed up step families and the treatment of animals
Posts like Natalie's burn me up. I know it's not just step families--I think it's dysfunctional families, which so many of these families are. And I see a trend regarding animals.
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Finally cutting off altogether from the skids (sorry this is long--I'll put Cliffs Notes in bold)
I've decided that I need to finally erase these people from my life. It has been a long road. (Talk about PTSD.) A main reason our marriage survived is because DH’s toxic ingrates have always lived in another state. Still, like many of us here, I have tolerated behavior from these dysfunctional primates that I would never have tolerated from anyone else. I’m done. No, they haven’t “done” anything to me recently. It’s that I’ve finally acknowledged in the truest level of my being how incredibly damaged, toxic, and crazy these people are.