Why am I held to an even higher standard than both bio parents?
Things have been going pretty well at my house. We only have Ss12 and bs11. For the most part, I let FDH parent his child and I parent mine. There is some overlap, of course, and both kids are pretty respectful when we ask them to do things.
What has been bothering me lately is the double standard when it comes to what we are doing for these kids. I'll just put it out there... I'm a good mom. I make sure my kiddo gets what he needs, eats healthy, has manners, I help with homework, and do the extra stuff. This Holloween, I sewed both boys costumes that they really wanted. I don't have a problem doing that stuff for SS. I encourage my FDH to check up on SS to make sure he is doing what he is supposed to, but I don't force the issue. That's between them, in my book.
My problem is that I am viewed differently when it comes to what I do for my SS. Both of these bio parents, BM and FDH, compare what I do for my son and say that I should be doing it for my SS. BUT!!! Neither one of their lazy asses will do it themselves!! Why do I have to pick up the slack because they are too lazy to get more involved?
Seriously... I go to school full time and work. My EXH is not in the picture, so I have a lot on my plate. I NEVER exclude SS from anything. I just don't understand why I am held to a higher standard than the bio parents for the care of SS.
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Because you are the SM- we
Because you are the SM- we are expected to be the super hero when we are treated like the villians... there is no way to win.. accept it now and buy stock in a vinyard..... that is the only way to survive!
Seriously, stepmotherhood has
Seriously, stepmotherhood has driven me to drink.
AMEN! That is exactly how I
AMEN! That is exactly how I feel, expected to be the super hero but treated like the villain!
Oh, ME TOO! It's only Tuesday
Oh, ME TOO! It's only Tuesday and my recycle bin is already full of wine bottles and beer cans. Yes, entire bottles of wine every fkng day. And I'm not talking about the regular size either--the bigass cheap Gallo mega liters!
If I had been childless, I
If I had been childless, I would have bailed 2 years ago when things were really bad. The only thing keeping me was the fact that my son loves FDH, and I didn't want to rip apart our family.
In a way, you are lucky you don't have to worry about those kind of attachments. But it must be ten times worse for you when you are expected to do things for skids. The yo-yo of BM must be horrible for you... If she is anything like mine, one minute I shouldn't have any right to do or say anything to SS, the next minute she is accusing me of emotional abuse for not "being there" for her son. Crazy.
i've wondered this often
i've wondered this often myself. sd expects more out of me than she does her own mother, and she treats me like shit. yet i'm supposed to adore and love her to no end. she's 20. i do not understand how anyone can think that i owe her all the motherly things and i'm a total bitch for not doing it. i have 2 kids, she is not one of them. i don't do for people who shit on me. i give up trying to figure it out. i think what it is is that she knows i'm a better mother than bm, she sees what i do for my kids, and of course i owe her since i'm with her dad. i really don't care how she feels. she's never gonna get what she wants out of me.
Yep, SD10 comes home and
Yep, SD10 comes home and complains to us how she can never make mom happy, nothing is ever good enough, etc and that Grammy (they live in BM's mom's basement) is mean to her and yells at her for no reason. BM says SD10 is just being a big baby, yet I get a little grumpy, I don't yell I just was a little on the silent moody side and I am mean to her kid and she no longer wants SD10 home alone with me? Really? Obviously this kid is playing the ends against the middle, complaining about both houses to each other looking for sympathy. And with everything I have done with her kid, I'm the bitch. Screw you BM!
I believe bi hit the nail on
I believe bi hit the nail on the head. SMs are told to not parent the SKs but then after seeing how well our own kids are being raised, the bio parents of said SKs suddenly turn it into us favoring our own kids and why aren’t we doing for the SKs like we are for our own? Sorry but that ship sailed!
I came into the relationship with a big heart and wanted to treat SKs the same as my kids but I was pretty much “forbidden” to and then that evolved into the SKs learning how to manipulate the situation to get what they wanted by playing SM against their bios. Too much damage has been done and there isn’t any way to turn the clock back.
What gets me is that ss14.5
What gets me is that ss14.5 himself has always held me to a higher standard than he does his own parents. Because I do all those little extras for them - then I am a cold hearted bitch because I don't do them for ss14. Although I used to do the same for him for years but literally no one seemed to appreciate it. It's like the more I did the more was expected. And everyone always saw ss coming up the victim. If I bought all the kids 3 things- well somehow someone always accuseD my of getting 3 better things for my kids than skid. If I let all the kids have a dessert well ss' always had a smaller portion in someone's eyes. A lot of this was directly from ss himself. I got to the point where I'd go way over he too- giving him two servings of dessert and the other kids one- thinking to myself- let's see someone complain about that! In the end I was always foiled because they'd just find some other way I shortchanged the kid. So eventually I just stopped doing for him- except n rare occasions when I felt generous,, dh eventually got the picture and became ever so greatful for anything I did, but ss14.5 simply became more demanding and angry.
the more you did, the more he
the more you did, the more he expected. that describes sd20 to a T. she also somehow got the idea that when i did something for her, it was because i owed her, not because i was being nice. quickest way to get me to stop doing for you is to start acting like i owe you.