This shit just keep rollllling in...
FMIL called FDH yesterday, which I expected, asking if she could pick up FSS4 because as you all now know she works in BMs city on fridays. FDH of course shoots down her offer because of the cray cray and she flips her wig asking him why he's doing this to her and no one goes to see her and she doesn't know what she did that we don't go to see her anymore and she just wants to pick up FSS to at least spend time with him. FDH proceeds to tell her nahhh you seen him on wednesday when you picked him up from BM. FMIL tells him "Fine, if you won't let me see FSS I'll go thru BM and see him on my own time." I was so proud of FDH because she responded w/ "Fine mom, go right ahead but just to let you know that is SO deceitful of you but that's what you think you have to do by all means, and btw if that's how it is, don't expect to see me, msg1986 or FSS anymore. You can see FSS on your own time." At that point she wigged out and started crying and demanding how could her son tell her that, he just cut her off and hung up.
I post this because well, I'm venting but also because she mentioned that she doens't "know" what she did... I hate to entertain her crazy but maybe it's possible that she really DOESN'T what she did/has done. Maybe in her self righteous deluded mind she thinks being intrusive, demeaning and downright disrespectful is OKAY because her whole thing is, "I'm the mom, I can do whatever I want"...she actually said this to me. I told FDH that her in fucked up mind she probably is vilifyling him and telling her everyone...and by that i mean her husband, FSIL and FSILs husband, that FDH is just being a dick. I told him this is the PERFECT time to lay it out for her and tell her this is why, x y z, why we have stopped coming over and if you cannot respect me as a man, parent and adult and/or if you cannot respect mine and msg1986's relationship we will continue to not visit. We'll see if he is able to do. In the past when he's tried to address FMILs bat shit crazy behavior she immediately starts to cry and say how NO ONNNNNNEEEE appreciates her and shes so sad and lonely because no one cares about her so he never gets to finish because she lays the guilt trip on thick. We'll see what happeeeeennnsss...
For the record, I'm so FUCKING happy my FDH is putting his foot down. We'll get there...eventually.... hopefully?
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Yep...FDH apparently had to
Yep...FDH apparently had to do this with his father some years ago. He just put his foot down and they were estranged for some years, and he said it was sad but in the end worth it because there is more respect there now.
That's awesome your FDH did
That's awesome your FDH did that, with some people you have to be extreme because THEIR behavior is extreme and they won't get the point if go about it any other way.
As much as I dislike FMIL I hope that a long estrangement isn't on the horizon... and my dislike for FMIL is only because she started getting psycho once FDH and I bought our home together, before that she was great, I liked being around her. It's like she got territorial once FDH moved out of her house and was trying to show me up.. i dont know? If it takes estrangment though, so be it, like you said, the result is more respect and that's all that we want and deserve.
Well done to your FDH for
Well done to your FDH for standing up to FMIL, I agree though he needs to spell it out to her in detail exactly what she has done in relation to being disrespectful and nasty.
My DH had to cut contact with my PIL when they were insistent they hated me, couldn't say why and wanted him to leave me. That lasted about a year but then I extended the olive branch and they apologised to me. SIL is another story and DH is civil when he sees her at his parents (for his nephews/nieces sake) but that's it, she still denies doing wrong (even though we know she said and did x) and ofcourse SHE is the poor wee victim in all of it. Utter bull shite, but there you are. Sometimes you have to be extreme in order to get those boundaries up. My PIL were shocked when both DH and I had certain reasonable expectations from them, if they can't follow them then you have to pull the plug.
I do not know what your FDH's relationship is like with his sister, however perhaps he can ring her up and give her heads up that he is currently having issues with FMIL and that he does not expect her to get in the middle of it as it would not be fair on her and he wants ss to have a relationship with his aunt. He should not go into details unless she insists and if she does not *get* it then that's her decision however what is said stands. This is between him and MIL only. This way FDH hopefully can head off any recruitment attempts by MIL to alienate SIL against you both and FDH clearly is demonstrating to SIL that he does not want her to be involved.