Family Photos that Include BM

First, I have to say that I had a wonderful weekend with FDH. It was our first weekend in over a month that we didn't have his kids or my family here visiting-- just the two of us. Ahhhhh. Even though we're moving and spent most of our time packing, etc... we had a fantastic time. It was really great to reconnect with him.

While I was packing, I ran into a photo of FDH, BM and the kids from several years ago. It's a framed photo of them at someone's wedding. The picture used to be in SD11's room at FDH's old house before we moved in toegther. I always hated it but never said a word as it was in his daughter's room in his house.

Fast forward to this weekend... I find the picture at the bottom of a pile of other framed photos of his kids that we never did anything with in this house when we moved in last May. I picked it up, walked over to FDH, handed it to him and said calmly, "I don't think this photo belongs in our home." He said "uhhh, I guess not". I said, "Maybe the other house would like to have it" and walked away. The picture is gone. I have no idea what he did with it. Must've put it away somewhere.

It got me thinking though. When I was a kid, my family went out of their way to pretend my SF was my real father and purged our home of all things related to my BF. It was awful. I am not in any way suggesting that's what I am doing here but am very sensitive to the kids' needs. However, they are here part time and I don't think I need to have framed photos of his ex wife anywhere in my house.

What do you all think on this topic? What would you do?

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I was thinking it would be OK

I was thinking it would be OK at BM's house (in SD's room), if she's OK with that. Of course, she's moving in with her BF soon so he might not like that idea. But now that you've written this, it just made me realize it might send the wrong message to SD. She's the one who has taken this the hardest and really doesn't fully understand that they will never be getting back together. So it's probably best to leave it put away somewhere for now and give it to her later, as someone suggested below. But I've already given it to him so it's up to him to handle now.

I think any pictures of the

I think any pictures of the ex should be kept in the child's room or in a photo album in the child's room. That stuff doesn't belong in the family living space.

We had a similar situation,

We had a similar situation, and this is what we came up with. My BS15 and SS9 could each have photos of their parents and them in their own rooms. Photos of BM with DH and BS15's BD with me are to be kept in a storage bin to be given to the kids when they move out. I don't need to have a portrait of DH's entire ex-family hanging in my house, and he feels the same way. That's our space.

But I also know from my mom's experience of having all of her father's photos thrown out when her mom married another man, that doing so is very painful for the children. So putting them away in storage for them to do whatever with when they're adults seems to be the best of both worlds for me and my family.

If she has a room at your

If she has a room at your house the pictures can go in there. Or your SO can give her the photo and she can do with it what she wants.

She does have a room here.

She does have a room here. She's here EOW and once a week. I don't feel comfortable having to see a picture of him and BM and the kids all "happy" and married and in tact. I have to go in her room. And as I mentioned above, I think it sends the wrong message to her. But I am definitely not trying to burn the photo or anything. I just don't want to have to look at it in my house.

Pictures of BM do not need to

Pictures of BM do not need to be displayed in your home. If the skids want a little photo album to keep in their room with her photo in it, fine. Beyond that is ridiculous.

I agree with you.

I had to deal with this when

I had to deal with this when SS moved in with us 4-1/2 years ago. After a weekend visit with his mother, SS came home with a photo of his mother and him and his sister. He propped it up on display on his dresser. I told him I didn't want any pictures of her displayed in my home and that if he wanted he could have an album where he could put that picture.
I put the photo away in his drawer. A few hours later he put it back on the dresser. I told him again and this time I said "I'm not saying you can't have pics of your mom, I just do not want to see them." He had the nerve to say to me "This is my room." To which I replied "Hmm, no, this is your room in MY house and until YOU start paying the mortgage what I say goes."
DH tried to challenge me, I shut it down.
I've never seen the picture again, he put a photo of himself with his sister in front of it.
What was even more disturbing to me was that HE was the one that wanted to move in with us because his mother was an awful parent, so this sudden burst of LONGING for her really puzzled me.
I later heard from SD that BM had given him the photo and told him to put it in his room. She REALLY thought I'd be ok with that. LOL, crazy ass bitch.
Pics of exes can be kept in a small album in their room, somewhere where the new spouse doesn't have to look at it.

BM used to keep a ton of

BM used to keep a ton of pictures from when she and DH were together with AND WITHOUT SS. They were scattered all over her house. DH finally said something like "your house looks like a shrine to our dead relationship, that's creepy take them down". She responded by saying she was trying to keep things "normal" for SS. Dh replied "having two homes with us NOT married IS normal to him. He was 1 when I left you. If anything you are confusing him. That's borderline crazy and I want you to take them down". She did..
A few years later, after pretty much a mental breakdown, I was helping BM try to get her disgusting filthy house in order. We were in her bedroom when I saw a photo album sitting on a chair right next to her bed. It was their wedding album. I almost threw up. I put it in a box along with about 15 other photo albums stuffed full of pictures of the two of them. Strange how many pictures she had, they were not together that long. I have not seen hide nor hair of them since. I did tell her as I packed them away that it was time for her to move on from the past and let things go so she can heal. She is an odd cookie.

Just makes me wonder how many times she sat there with SS looking through albums telling him about a time that things were so "wonderful".

More creepy... she has

More creepy... she has pictures that she has stolen from my old FB page (I deleted it since then) as screen savers on her computer. She crops me out so she has recent pics of SS and DH. Weird... right?

Whoa.

I just came across old

I just came across old pictures from.BM, pictures of her high school graduation, her side of the family birthday parties, and their wedding pictures. I took a few that didn't have the kids in it and high school yearbooks and gave them to BM's mother (who I actually have a great relationship with) and I said, "YOUR DAUGHTER, left all of this behind when she left FDH, but eventhough she didn't want this stuff, I thought it might be sentimental to you..."

BM's mother knows what kind of daughter she has, and ALL the horrible things she did to FDH when they were married...
It made me look like a saint!!! She said, "oh thank you so much, BM said FDH burned everything she left behind, I should have known better, thank you" she teared up and HUGGED me!

Granted I didn't give up any photos that I thought the kids might ever want in the future,... Those I put in a box in the storage area in the basement... (I figured when the kids are older, they can decide what they want to do with them)

I've thought about this some

I've thought about this some more. I definitely think any photo that includes the former couple needs to go to a storage bin or a memory book. I might be OK with a photo of BM and the kid in the kid's room. However, we are working hard on boundaries around here and BM has been intrusive. So even that, would take me a while to be OK with if I felt the other boundaries had been established and practiced for some time.

I have a frame that has about

I have a frame that has about 15 picture in it from our wedding, just candid shots. There is one of my SIL and her FORMER Fiance. They broke up about 3 months ago. I told DH this weekend I need to switch that picture out. I think it is disrespectful. Especially for SIL who was beatin to a bloody pulp by this monster. But in any situation, I think it is disrespectful. I will take it down and put it in a scrap book instead. That's woud I would want if it were me.

That is totally the

That is totally the respectful thing to do. I am still in a little shock that FDH thought it'd be a good idea to have that in our house, ever. And he looked a little confused when I said something this weekend. But then again, this is the guy who packed up his monogrammed glasses from his wedding 20 years ago and brought them to our new home. (I obviously explained to him how ridiculous that was and made him march them straight to the outside trash).