Update: SD and Homeschooling

Long time no post. Life got out of hand this past semester as it's my last semester of undergrad and there have been many deadlines looming over my head along with many life disturbances. A friend of mine took her life this semester and that disrupted the balance for sure.

I decided to pop on here to give an update.

SO spoke with a lawyer who told him that it is better to just keep things with GUBM as they are for now, so, basically, funding her stupidity to the tune of $600 a month and just stopping support whenever he feels it is necessary (i.e. when SD is 18) because if they get anything legally written up he will be bound to her for a lot longer.

He decided that he's going to pay support still (good on him) and that he's just not happy with the way GUBM and SD have decided that he's only good for money and nothing else. He told SD this himself this past week when he talked to her. She butt-dialed him and he called her back and talked to her about the whole heinous f*ckery. He had spoken to her before, but, he got zero info out of her then because he couldn't trust what she was saying. He told her very clearly the other day that he loves her, he still wants a relationship with her, and that he's still very disappointed in her for choosing to lie to him. SD parroted nonsense that GUBM had told SO verbatim ("I wanted to have everything situated before I told you"). Bull. That's the kind of crap you can say to your dad when you're an adult, not when you're 13. He told her that he's dissappointed that she has decided that she doesn't need him for anything but money because that is not the kind of relationship he wants with his daughter. Of course SD sees no problem with it because that is what GUBM has been encouraging this whole time.

SO keeps saying that SD was never like this when he lived with her, but, I have only his word to go on because SD was awful from the point where I met her on; all courtesy of GUBM filling her head with nonsense and lies.

So, SO finally talked to SD about what her "homeschooling" entails. As it would turn out, GUBM drops SD off at the library every day at around 10:00/10:30AM (when he told me this, I said "How much do you want to bet that getting SD to school on time was a major catalyst in homeschooling??" because neither one of them are morning people). She is in charge of teaching herself and relies on the librarians to check her work. And she does this Monday through Friday.

SO asked SD to send him a copy of her curriculum as she boasted that she self-designed her curriculum. She has language arts, math, and social studies. And she copied and pasted it from a 7th grade curriculum from a Connecticut public school. She has no way to match the learning objectives to the tasks that she will do for language arts. She is expecting to be able to teach herself honors algebra. And she has no science listed. SO asked her how she is checking her knowledge and that she is learning and understanding things accurately. She just understands it, according to her. SO is wary because he doesn't know that she is learning things accurately. And he told her that had she actually come to him in the beginning and said "Hey, dad, I want to try homeschool" that he could have actually helped set her up with a decent, structured curriculum or perhaps found her a homeschool group near her house that she could attend while her mom is at work. So, basically, GUBM has put SD in glorified daycare and is shirking the responsibility of teaching SD off onto SD and the librarians of the library that she infests every day.

I will say that there is no reason why she couldn't be homeschooled if she had someone who would hold her accountable monitoring her and guiding her instruction. There's no reason why she cannot be personally involved in her education and self-design courses that are geared around she wants to learn. But, she's pulling curriculum offline from public schools that only tells part of the story. She does not have access to the materials being used, nor knows what materials are being used, and is relying on intrinsic motivation that she lacks. She hates essays and she does not understand how to write them. She is smart, but, as someone with a high level of intelligence and who is capable of educating myself by way of online classes, I struggled to teach myself algebra when I was in my late teens, so, I can only hope that it is easier for her, though I doubt that will be the case. And she's selling herself short by only focusing on language arts, math, and social studies for the next two months. The rest of the curriculum she copied has other programs such as art, drama and presentation skills, health and wellness, information and technology literacy, music, physical education, science, and world language. She picked three things out of 11.

And the biggest kicker for me is that SD said that she is going to homeschool herself until she is done with 8th grade at the end of the next school year and then go into an engineering program at a local votech. Nevermind that SO and I both told her that if she lived with us we could look at the various schools in PGH and find one that caters to her interests. Nevermind that we told her about the STEM school out here that is an all-girls learning environment from prek-12 and that lets students focus on science, technology, ENGINEERING, and math. She thinks she is just going to seamlessly transition from teaching herself in a library to going to classes every day at a votech. And that she won't have to account for being prepared to enter the votech. She doesn't realize that she might have to do 1/2 days at the votech and still home-school herself at home the other 1/2 of the day, or, go back to public school to cover that half of the day.

In a matter of months, GUBM and SD have ruined SD's life. SD has no friends anymore (she claims they just dropped her, SO said, "Well, you just dropped me, so, why do you think it's not okay for others to drop you when you so easily do it to others?"), SD is trying to teach herself from a fragmented and stunted curriculum, and SD's relationship with SO is tarnished.

I could shake the hell out of both of them right about now.

attempting_to_maintain_composure's blog
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I was wonderingg what

I was wonderingg what happened to you. Wow sorry you guys had to go through all that. I hope things start to look up soon.

I hope so, too. especially

I hope so, too. especially for SO's sake. This is the man who would get on my ass if I so much as said "SD sucks" when I got heated over her insolent behavior. He would tell me "no, she doesn't suck, her behavior sucks" (truth). But, the other night, he said outright "My daughter sucks. She's a loser now". So that's kind of bad.

He's looking into a cyber school option for her because NJ will finally have one and is accepting applications for the coming school year. He does not trust her to instruct herself because he knows what kind of child she is.

It's just sad because I can see her future in one of our dumb interns. She wasn't homeschooled, but, she's really dumb. She doesn't realize that computers usually display the time and date on the screen and asks people constantly what date it is and what time it is (even though we also have a nice clock near our door). And she had to ask my co-worker three times today where the shredder was. And she's almost done with undergrad. This is the life SD is preparing herself for if she is contenting herself with less than mediocrity.

Is that even legal giving she

Is that even legal giving she is under 16 years of age?

I have no idea what is and

I have no idea what is and isn't legal. Nor do I really care at this point. I hope someone sticks their nose in their business at this point. All I know is that NJ has ZERO in the way of regulations for homeschool other than the parent has to tell the BOE that they're withdrawing the kid to homeschool so they don't just stop showing up to school. As far as letting her instruct herself *shrug* and as far as letting her hang out in the library all day, again *shrug*. I don't know, but, i hope someone who does know happens across SD and lets GUBM and SD have it.

wow I am not sure how your

wow I am not sure how your votech works here we have a votech/academy (vo tech is hair dressing, construction, automotive, drama, ect. The academy side is engineering, business, IT and Allied Health.)

Is she aware this requires Honors Algebra, and a Honor Society cert?

Not sure how yours is but she had better check it out if that is the direction she wants to go.

(I know this because both of my kids just got in. One for engineering one for business)

The amount of research that

The amount of research that went into her "plan" is less than the time it took me to write this sentence.

She does not have that kind of forsight. She was not aware when she chose to homeschool that she would have a hard time homeschooling all the way through high school if she planned on going to college, unless she kept detailed records of the ways that she is earning her 'credits' and kept writing samples and the like.

I think they, GUBM and SD, found out somewhere that someone who was homeschooled went to a votech and they looked at their local votech and she decided that computer engineering was the only program she liked.

In my home state, NJ, - which is where SD lives - votechs are either full-day academies or half-day shared programs where you go half-day to your regular school and half-day to votech. But, the academy programs tend to be limited (as is the case with the votech she would go to were she to remain in the county in which she is presently residing) depending on the school. The academies at the school she would go to are marine and environmental technologies and sciences - nothing she had interest in - and performing arts - again, nothing that interests SD.

The program she is interested in is part of the half-day school. And I doubt that either SD or GUBM realize that it means that she has to keep up studies for the remainder of her gen ed on her own, or, get into the public system again. Because SD told SO that she was only homeschooling herself for the remainder of this school year and next year, and then going to votech with no mention of continuing her gen ed.

From what I can remember - because I went half-day to votech for a time in high school - it was very difficult to get into the full-day programs if they were offered in your discipline of choice (I told SO this and he did not seem surprised), and, the half-day programs were exhausting because you had to go to campus for your focused classes after spending all morning at your regular school doing your gen ed work.

I just looked at the

I just looked at the descriptions and requirements for the engineering program she's talking about. It's architectural/civil engineering (it's under the computer heading so, blah, whatever, I thought computer engineering as did SO).

There's no way she's getting into this program on her light-ass "curriculum".

I doubt librarians are

I doubt librarians are checking her schoolwork. She is in for a world of surprises when she tries to get into votech. But allowing a 13 yr old to call the shots???? Isn't there ANY agency to report her to? The scary thing is GUMB may come at DH legally for more money when she is repeating a LOT of grades.

The lawyer def. warned him

The lawyer def. warned him that GUBM could always take him to court in the future, but, that it is, at this time, in his own best interest to leave things as they are.

SO told SD that she is abusing the good nature of the librarians as it is not in their job description to help her with homework or questions and that she isn't their responsibility. And, honestly, I'm sure they aren't checking her work or teaching her either. They feel bad for her - SD said so herself - because she's there all day by herself. As soon as a higher up gets on the librarian's case about this, it will stop I'm sure (SD abusing their presence, that is, not SD hanging out at the library all day).

There's no way she's getting into this votech program with only language arts, math, and social studies. No way whatsoever.

We could technically report GUBM to DYFS, but, SO doesn't want to do that because he's afraid that SD will either wind up in the foster system since we live out of state or, worse, wind up living with one of GUBM's enabling relatives and that it won't make the situation any better.

But, yea, this is how GUBM rolls. SD is not her child but is her BFFL, she's so obviously capable of making life-altering decisions at the ripe old age of 13. Heck, GUBM herself was in charge of her brothers when she was that age and practically raising them, so, why shouldn't SD be allowed to live out GUBM's dreams...I mean, SD's dreams.

Check this out: N.J.S.A.

Check this out:
N.J.S.A. 18A:38-31 states that “a parent or guardian or other person having charge and control of a child between the ages of 6 and 16 years, who shall fail to comply with any of the provisions of the article (N.J.S.A. 18A:38-25) relating to his/her duties, shall be deemed to be a disorderly person and shall be subject to a fine of not more than $25.00 for the first offense and not more than $100.00 for each subsequent offense, in the discretion of the court.”
2. What case law exists regarding homeschooling?

What is the responsibility of the local board of education regarding compulsory education?

The local board of education is required to enforce the compulsory education law, N.J.S.A. 18A:38-25. If the local board of education determines that there is credible evidence that the parent/guardian or other person(s) having custody and control of a school-age child is not causing the child either to attend school (public or nonpublic) or to receive equivalent instruction elsewhere than at school, the board may request documentation, such as a letter of intent from the parent/guardian confirming that the child is either attending a nonpublic school or receiving equivalent instruction elsewhere than at school. The mere fact that a child has been withdrawn to be homeschooled is not, in itself, credible evidence of a legal violation. If it appears that the child is not receiving an education in accordance with N.J.S.A. 18A:38-25, the board may wish to consult with its attorney regarding possible charges against the parent/guardian for failure to have the child educated

What case law exists regarding homeschooling?

There are two major court decisions in New Jersey relative to homeschooling:

State v. Vaughn 44 N.J. 142 (1965): This case deals with the procedures to be employed when a parent/guardian is charged with failing to cause the child to attend school under the compulsory education law. During the prosecution of a case against a parent/guardian for a violation of the compulsory education law, the State needed only to allege a violation of the statute. It was then incumbent upon the parent/guardian to introduce evidence showing that they are relying on one of the two statutory exceptions (day school or equivalent instruction elsewhere than at school). Once there is such evidence in the case, the burden of persuasion with respect to whether the education comes within the exception is with the State.
State v. Massa 95 N.J. Super 382 (1967): In court, the parents were charged with failing to cause the child to attend school under the compulsory education law. The only issue before the court was whether the parents were providing equivalent instruction. The court held that the language under the compulsory education law, providing for equivalent instruction elsewhere than at school, required showing only academic equivalency and not equivalency of social development derived from group education. In educating the child at home, the parents were required to show only that “the instruction was academically equivalent to that provided in the local public school.”

http://www.state.nj.us/education/genfo/faq/faq_homeschool.htm

I'll be forwarding this to

I'll be forwarding this to SO. At the very least, it can provide impetus for SD to seriously consider attending the cyber school over schooling herself.

Ah, PM me the details and I

Ah, PM me the details and I will find someone to complain to ... anonymously. It takes nothing but a concerned mother visitng the library for the 3rd time in a month to see the same young girl unsupervised at all times of the day.....

I wish I had details to share

I wish I had details to share :/

SO said that SD told him that nobody really cares that she's there by herself all the time. I'm hoping that it's not true. I'm hoping that there's some nebby mom there who sees her there every day, Monday through Friday, and complains to the right people.

I generally think highly of

I generally think highly of homeschooling, depending on the context of the child and the parents. In my situation, it's really hard because I know how both SD and GUBM really are; neither one of them has the gumption to follow through on adequate homeschooling.

And I'm sure you're spot on with the librarian situation. SD makes these claims, but, how can we really believe what she is saying? I mean, she did just spend a long time lying to SO, dropping him out of her life except for GUBM to get the CS from him, and she defended herself telling him that it was basically his fault that she had to lie to him. A grain of salt accompanies everything she says in my head these days. So, I'm doubtful that "nobody really cares" that she's there by herself all day and I doubt that the librarians are helping her like that. I mean, she did fabricate lunchtime friends to tell SO about when she was really not in school anymore.

I know all too well the situation of lighting one's own fire for education. I just hope that SD doesn't take as long as I did because I am just now finishing my BA at 30 and I wish I had finished it earlier, though perhaps I just wasn't ready then.

I just largely see this all as a half-baked plan with GUBM manipulating SD to make her own life easier all while screwing up SD. Drop out of school and homeschool yourself, SD, that way I can just drop you off at the library on my way to work. No, don't tell your dad. He won't support this, he'll make you move out to PGH and go to school. Go into engineering, SD, even though you don't really have any interest in engineering, you can make a lot of money and support me. *gag*