Tired dealing with what I think is borderline stepdaughter
Brief history - she "attempted suicide" in my third trimester of pregnancy last winter by "overdosing".. this consisted of taking a dose of vitamins, a dose of Plaquenil, a dose of Tylenol, and a dose of Dayquil pill form then EIGHT HOURS LATER taking another single dose of each of those... and writing a pitiful letter and laying it on the floor by my door saying "you don't love me or care so just never mind, but if you care at all about anything, I'm having a medical emergency and killed myself, but just never mind since you don't love me and no one does".
Take a second if you're eyes are rolling out of control.
Ok, so it's been about six months now and my baby is almost 4 months old. Stepdaughter is "deeply medically depressed" as she calls it. She threw a fit at school and I had to go there for over an hour. She was "medically depressed since waking up and had to go home...and if you don't take me home you WANT me to FAIL GAAAAHHHH you're making me FAAAAIL CLASSSSS and if you make me stay and then go to the track meet I wont run if you make me you're making me faaaaaiiil".
You got it, she didn't want to run at the track meet. She claims she's sick or depressed too bad to run EVERY TRACK MEET yet amazingly she's fine the day before at track practice and FINE AFTER WE GET HOME from sitting for FOUR FUCKING HOURS at the track meet only for her to refuse to run because she's "sick" but she's wanting candy and playing around with the friends for four hours while we sit there. It's SUCH BULLSHIT it's so freaking obvious.
She used to "cut" herself. By this, I mean she scratched her forearm with paperclips (those scratches that disappear in like 5 hours) and she would do it right before time to see a counselor or teacher then would scratch "help" on her arm and she would have her sleeves pulled up showing classmates and teachers until time to see the counselor then she pulls down the sleeves, acts all hesitant and says "no one knows about this" and yanks up her sleeve and shoved it in the counselors/therapists face. Seriously. That's how it went. No exaggeration.
She writes "my definition of depression" and "my life story" and copy/paste it to multiple kids.
It's non stop pity party.
She is on antidepressants. She has told EVERYONE she sees a sex abuse therapist and was horribly abused by her mother (amazingly, this horrible abuse was disclosed to my in-laws THE NIGHT THE BABY WAS BORN! Coincidence??) She went from lurving her mommy to a bunch of BS (which I think she read texts in MY phone and copied of things MY mother said to me!!! It's DISGUSTING)
She tells everyone "I'm so broken and medically depressed that I see a psychiatrist and had to have my meds upped AGAIN".
She is chronically bored, empty, describes herself as a shell, it's everyone elses fault for not loving her enough. HOWEVER the poor broken little thing smiles and laughs all evening while we're playing cards as a family and only falls into her "pit of despair" when someone makes her mad or hurts her feelings (IE her friend got mad at her when she found out SD13 was the secret second girlfriend of that best friend's boyfriend last year).
I drag her ass to track practice three times a week so she can go socialize and play. I drug the baby out in the cold so she could go to track meet and not run, but play for three to four hours with her friends there. She puts on something horrible. I told her either she gets her ass out there and does that run or track is over and not doing it again. **She comes in last place BY FAR and doesn't want to do the actual track meet because she knows she's going to come in last** Yes, I get it, it's a horrible feeling, but don't tell me you lurv track then I find out its a social event at every practice and you walk instead of jog when the coach turns his back.
EVERYTHING points to her being borderline; however, the psychiatrist and therapist say poor poor pitiful baby. She eats it up big time.
I used to talk to her about depression and said honey, depressed people sleep alot and you never want to sleep in and are always wanting to go to the mall or out with friends and wearing makeup and dressing up so that's great!... guess who started telling everyone she couldn't get out of bed and was too weak to get up...guess who kept going out with friends but made a HUGE production EVERY TIME saying she was draaagging herself to the mall or movies or to friend's house 'just to make you happy' (like it makes me so happy).
I am trying to remember she's most likely borderline and read up on it and deal with her in that aspect, which makes it easier for me, but still so much bullshit and pity partying and just crap.
The little shit was sitting with the baby in his carrier seat a few feet away from me while I put away frozen food (I NEVER LEAVE HER WITH THE BABY ALONE) -- she rolls over and puts her back to him, shoves her finger in her ear, and talks on the phone while the baby screams! THIS IS WHY, I TOLD DH, I WON'T LET DH ALONE WITH BABY BECAUSE HE GOES OUTSIDE and leaves SD13 alone in the house with baby!!! NONONONONO I was in the ER because DH wouldn't look at my C-section cause it grossed him out, so he'd tell me it looked fine and clean when it was green and pusfilled but I couldn't see it over the fat stomach which I guess also grossed him out, fucker. I was in ER 8 hours and he let SD13 hold baby, put mits on baby, and he went out to clean out the car and left 4 week old then baby in her arms on couch! I told him he will NEVER be left alone with my baby again leaving baby with mentally ill SD that ADMITTED she was extremely jealous and ADMITTED she was afraid she'd drop and/or "smash" the baby "by accident like a demon in my hand suffocate him with accident"... ... ... yeah, no.
SO, five years to go. Five years of daily praising and pacifying the broken little princess. I don't care if I sound like a evil stepmother monster. I love this child to the best of my ability and deal with CONSTANT lying, sneaking, and bullshit on a daily basis with daily making all her meals - if I dont' make her lunch, she WONT take lunch and cries at school how I won't let her have lunch... once, she wanted to go to a friends house and got off the bus without permission, so she told DH and the friend's mom she was "afraid to go home to her (me)"!!!!!!! W T F princess got grounded for a month. She EVER make up shit about me again, I swear, I'll be done. It will be the LAST time I cater to her crap.
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Hmm sounds like my ss15. I
Hmm sounds like my ss15. I am not sure how he acts anymore as I haven't seen him in lost a year but he was acting this way by age 8. Would drag his feet getting ready in the am so he had no time to eat breakfast and would then tell his teacher he was starving because I wouldn't allow him to have breakfast. He pretended to be psychotic at 9. Seriously. Said he was hearing voices and seeing things. Was hospitalized. Later said he made it all up for attention. He's been on meds since age 6. ADHD meds, antidepressants, antipsychotics. Nothing has ever really made a difference. He threatened to kill my ds. He stole my dd's panties and got up in the middle of the night and laid next to her in a tent with himself pressed up against her when they were 11.
It's great that she has sympathetic people but you have to watch out for your infant. I assumed my kiddos could take care of themselves- my dd is the same age, ds one year younger. I was wrong. He did some horrible emotional damage and I beat myself up everyday that I gave him access o my kids. Don't make the same mistake I did.
I've got one of these too
I've got one of these too SD22. She did the same "cutting", abuse and other stuff. She talked herself into the looney bin with her suicidal stuff at 16 right before our wedding. May be too young to diagnose, but I'd get her in DBT not regular cognitive therapy. It's specifically designed for BPD
My SD16 started cutting at
My SD16 started cutting at 13, and was on different medications for mood disorders from the age of 12. She is currently self medicating. BM is an undiagnosed BPD, diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and was treated but to no avail (because that's not what she has). SD had been in counseling because one of SD's class mates told the school nurse she was cutting and so the school mandated her to see a therapist that specialized in self harm. I saw the "cuts", and was not impressed. My cat could do more damage. She's been in family therapy lately because she's fighting with BM all the time. SD wanted to emancipate in Feb when she turned 16. DH said no and insisted on therapy instead. SD has five criteria for BPD, and BM has all nine, plus a few for NPD. We can't deal with their drama so we've disengaged. We haven't seen SD for a year. It's easier when you don't have custody and live in different states. I can't image having to live with her. I would suggest that you disengage and let the Bio Parents step in. While my SD was with her cutting counselor I had many conversations with the therapist. I told her all the behavioral issues that made me think both had BPD. The counselor said BM wasn't her patient and so she couldn't diagnose, and she didn't want to stick SD with a label so early in life. When I suggested DBT I was told it was not a good idea for her at 13 because it would be filled with adults in their 20's and 30's with really hard core issues that could possibly create or trigger copy cat behavior. So all we could do was to set boundaries for ourselves to protect ourselves from the emotional abuse. It's been heartbreaking. Truly. I understand your pain. In fact the whole drama has left me with scars of my own. I think I have PTSD, I'm always worried BM or SD will commit suicide or we'll end with SD for some reason. I stay on site to help remind myself that I don't need to feel obligated to "fix" them. Even though sometimes I just want to blurt it out, "YOU BOTH HAVE BPD, GET HELP"
I appreciate the "where's the
I appreciate the "where's the parents" questions and realize I didn't clarify. I am raising SD with DH. BM is not involved other than very sporatic calls or skyping. SD13 Luuuved BM and was all "broken pitiful little me my mommy doesn't call enough" until the very HOUR that my baby was born, then she "disclosed" physical and verbal abuse by BM during the VERY FEW visits years ago and claimed BM was verbally abusing her on Skype that night...which was interesting because that was the exact same time that BM posted pictures of SD13 on BMs facebook page from when SD13 was 1 to 3 years old and saying "you're mommy's christmas angel" and all that crap. At the same exact time that she "abused" her Christmas Angel??
DH doesn't do much, after SD13 slammed her phone down at me and was escalating and being disrespectful and aggressive at me, he finally said "watch your attitude". I told him he needs to deal with his kid or we're going to have a major problem.
As long as SD13 is always right and coddled and can get away with sending these horribly disgusting messages to everyone and I quote to her boyfriend "u can't love me, I'm broken, I'm a suicidal broken girrl, no one loves me everyone is mean to me its ok u don't want me either everyone leaves me i'm all alone i'm a broken, ugly, whore bitch, but it's okay bc i no it and everyone says that" (no one says that)
Now, after her behavior last night (which she will probably tell teachers that I verbally abused her - I DID NOT!!!... She layed a handful of screws and nails in the middle of her bed for me to find so she "cut" her pitiful abused little self because I'm so mean. What did I do to be so mean to her? I told her she will NOT slam anything down at or near me or at all, she will not talk to me with that disrespect, and she will not text the neighbor to "save her" from me....... seriously the neighbor came over and told me to stop being mean to her and why was I SO MAAAD at him and the poor baby. WTF SD13 was the one throwing a fit, I "started" it by asking a question and telling her I didn't appreciate the tone and that when I say no, that means no.
SO, I'm expecting her arm to be all "cut" up and she'll be showing everyone she comes across at school and crying how she "cut" herself because I'm so mean to her. She won't tell them that I never raised my voice, that I never moved towards her, that she slammed things at me, that she was hateful and manipulative, that she was texting the neighbor saying "please please please don't ever buy me another thing ever in my whole life because I use you and i don't deserve it and my mom says i'm a user and do I use you neighbor? its ok u can tell me i'm a horrible bitch, my mom says i am. can u tell her i don't use u and didn't beg u for the makeup". --- YES This girl texted my neighbor this bullshit! :jawdrop:
I've raised this child. I think she MAY have been sexually molested at her mother's house during the two years she visited there, but the crap she's doing is just too much. She is in therapy, but she's eating it up. She tells everyone about her "sexabuse therapist" and her psychiatrist and "cuts" and runs to show everyone that she can.
I wish I could send her to live with her mother sometimes. I feel so horrible saying that, but she made my pregnancy all about her and did things to spite me. She's sweet as pie when she gets her way.
Don't feel terrible. Maybe
Don't feel terrible. Maybe you can send her to a boarding school for troubled teens. Have you considered that? I know it sounds harsh but sometimes it takes a big change to shake things up and make her understand you can only tolerate so much.