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Now I am Supposed to be BM's Moving Box Service

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 2:26pm

We are in the process of moving (Saturday). My house is literally filled with boxes. I have some good U-Haul boxes that I purchased for the last move and have stored here in case we had to move again. They are not cheap! I also have about 50 liquor store boxes that I obtained over the last few weeks by driving by there and getting them, hauling them home, etc... Mind you, I recently had surgery and am not supposed to be doing much but I have pretty much handled the entire packing and box procurement myself.

BM is moving herself and the kids in with her BF when school gets out.

The following converstion just went down:
FDH- Gosh, we have SOOOO many boxes
Me- Yup, we sure do. We have a lot of stuff.
FDH- I bet BM could use some of them when we're done. Good timing!
Me- (trying not to roll my eyes). Um, actually, I was thinking that if she wanted the liquor store boxes, I could save some in the garage and she and her BF could come get them
FDH- And you have all those great u-Haul boxes
Me- I am not giving your ex-wife the boxes I paid for. I was being nice by thinking of offering her my liquor store ones that I took the time to get.
FDH- Oh ok.
Me- So you can tell her if she's intersted, we will set up a time after I've unpacked to pick them up.
FDH- Or I can just bring them to her.
Me- Or what I just said.

Are you kidding me? Why does everything always revert back to him helping her? Why it OK for post-surgical me to run all over town and pack most of this house ALONE yet he's worried about delivering boxes to her? And what on earth makes him think I'd give her boxes that I paid for myself?? Why can't she and her boyfriend take care of their own business?

I get that he sees the boxes as helping his children's move. That's why I was even planning to offer some of them to her. (More of an olive branch, really). But he can't just take that. Noooo.... Mr. I'm Still Somewhat Emotionally Married to BM has to jump to her rescue and offer MY stuff to her AND deliver it. Just nonsense. It never ends.

I really feel like pre-empting him and emailing her myself with CC to him saying "Hello BM. I know how hard it can be to find moving boxes. On May X, I will have several liquor store boxes that I will be getting rid of. Would you and BF like to drive his SUV over here and pick them up? If not, I will give them to a friend of mine who is also moving."

There is no way on earth I am letting him swoop to her rescue and show up with moving boxes for her poor little, helpless self.

What would you do?

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 2:36pm

I'd put the boxes in recycling myself. But then again, every time I offered BM an olive branch, I pulled back a nub.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 2:53pm

I forgot to add this nugget:
When we moved here last year, he decided that the lawn didn't need a lot of cutting so he gave his nicer lawn mover to BM and we got her old crappy one. I wasn't OK with this because it was another example of him doing stuff for her that he doesn't need to. But I let it go.

Now, we are moving into a house that has a HUGE lawn that needs lots of attention. And she is moving in with a man who presumably has a lawn mower already. We recently discussed that we will swap back because we need it now.

So yesterday, I asked him when he was going to exchange the mowers. He says "Well, I dunno. I guess when she moves in with BF" I said "Well, that's not for a couple months and OUR lawn needs to be taken care of long before that." He basically gave me crap saying he wasn't worried about all that right now and we need to focus on our move. But apparently, he has time to focus on giving her my moving boxes. And why should my lawn maintenance have anything to do with hers???

I swear, he's an idiot sometimes.

SickupAndFed's picture

Submitted by SickupAndFed on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 5:40pm

Gawd, he sounds like my DH. BM backs into her garage door (yes, she's that stoopid) and he goes and paints her new one. BM needs to hang a pot rack, he lends her the tools (hell he probably hung it up too, just didn't tell me).

Whichever boxes you DO give her, make sure you break them down first Wink

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 2:55pm

I would set them on fire before I gave them to our BM. If SO so much as mentioned being concerned about her needing anything he would be kindling for my fire }:) }:)

We have gone out of our way and done so much for BM only to be crapped on so she gets nothing from us ever again.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 3:39pm

the crap of helping bm "for the children" has to stop now, period. she's a grown up woman with a life of her and you and your husband are not her friend and not part of her support system. if it weren't for the kids, you would never have to lay eyes on her again. your dh needs to be more concerned about your joint lives together than being on the lookout for whatever can help his ex. i'd burn those boxes before i'd allow my dh to help this woman.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:00pm

I think you married my ex-bf. He mentioned he wanted to offer to help BM move. and I didn't object when he asked to take some of my boxes over to her. I forbade him from helping her move. he also went with her and the kids to help her shop for a car, kids in tow, and 'loaned' her the down payment. I pitched a fit. Huge fit.

He was always bailing her out of this and that on our weekends alone. Took up her slack when she got arrested for DUI. It was a nightmare.

He always hid behind his kids in every pathetic choice he made to put BM before me.

I was very responsible and independent, and so he didnt like that I didn't need him that much. He needed someone to rescue.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:17pm

All I can say is I'm SO glad my DH grew a backbone and stopped doing shit for BM.

He was paying for her car insurance for a year after their divorce (just to be "nice" and help her) and the minute he told her he was dropping her from his policy, she flipped shit and demanded him to look at the divorce papers because it was in there that he had to pay her car insurance for the rest of her life!

Yeah ok woman, back your crazy train back into the station for a second and LOOK at your own divorce decree.

Had I not been there to tell him to stand his ground, he'd likely still be paying $150 per month for her stupid ass Liberty. Ugly fucking vehicle. Sorry, I love Jeeps but only the Wranglers and Grand Cherokees. I hate passing her on the road. Every single Liberty in the color of hers, I have to look at the license plate to see if it's her. I hate it.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:31pm

Until she sold it a couple weeks ago, FDH still had HER car title in his name. And you guessed it, he registered it for her every year. Filed this one under "The kids need a car. It's not that big of a deal". Right.

I posted this on someone else's thing today but our BM does/says crazy stuff related to the divorce papers too. He used to visit the kids an extra night per week at her house. He stopped recently (guess who made him) but they now stay with us Sunday nights when we have them. Of course, she's pissed because she doesnt have a babysitter every Tuesday now. She brought up the CO and he had to tell her to go read the document because no where in there does it say he has to come to her house and watch the kids every Tuesday so she can see her boyfriend, in addition to once weekly visit here and EOW. Crazy woman. But she's like that because he's catered to her for the 6+ years they've been divorced. You know... "for the kids".

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:33pm

I can't wait till BM's man figures this crap out. He's not going to like it when he realizes how much she relies on her ex husband. I am hoping their move will help this along. Perhaps that's my real motivation behind being nice about offering SOME of my moving boxes. I really want this move to happen soon. Smile

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:38pm

Yeah it's quite ridiculous isn't it? The shit that they want their ex husbands to continue doing for them "just because they used to be married" or "for the kids". I'm sorry, but I never ONCE asked my ex for a damn thing, nor will I other than can DD15 come a day early or a day later for spring break due to trying to book affordable flights. And I'm not asking HIM for anything, it's for my daughter.

Shit, the crazy shit BM used to tell DH about how they were still supposed to be friends "for SD's sake" and supposed to hang out together and not date until SD was "ready"...she was holding him hostage and he needed me to show him that he wasn't chained to her any longer.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 9:01pm

I'd tell him if he wants to take them to her - he can fill them with his stuff & stay there... way ... way out of line and that's not even counting that you did your move yourself. There's be some serious conversations in my future if I were you.