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DH has won me over again. Change is in the air!

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:28pm

I have had quite a change of heart. I did lose faith in my husband, but now I am growing hope! I had a talk about the position he has been putting me in. What he asks of me everyday is huge. I finally told him it was cruel. I live in an apartment waiting for him to take action on the situation at the big house. He finally told me his plan. It moved me. He understood why I've been so different. Because I am uncertain about the future! Everyday, I am wondering if I am on the brink of a divorce. He is making it clear that I am his priority, SD15 will not be with us much longer and he is very tired of her behaviors.

He wants to downsize our lives and live simply. Try to teach his SD15 not to be an entitled little brat. He is ready to parent! She's going to be taken down a peg... where she belongs as a child, and NOT an adult who gets to make the decisions.

The worst that will happen is that she will physically harm me again and she will go back to juvie for a long time. DH said that he finally understands that if she harms me then she has CHOSEN to go to juvie. SD15 can control herself at school. This tells me she can control it at home if she chooses to do so.

I am holding onto hope because I love this man. I have an exit plan if he fails me again. DH is fully aware of my exit plan. He says it is reasonable and will make sure I am well taken care of financially and medically should it become necessary for us to divorce. I wish I could show you this man's heart. He is gentle, quiet and has been battered himself by SD15 all her born days. I am glad that I was not he only person hurt by SD15. I am just her latest target.

Deadline still in place. Better communication happening between DH and myself. Come September 9th (end of apt lease) we will see what happens. I am just glad he is finally seeing why I have changed so much. He sees his responsibility for these changes by not parenting DD... and not protecting me from her.

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:30pm

"DH is fully aware of my exit plan. He says it is reasonable and will make sure I am well taken care of financially and medically should it become necessary for us to divorce." What?
That strikes me as very strange and not particuarly committed.

clydella's picture

Submitted by clydella on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 3:57pm

Like Red said Good Luck. Be ready it will get worse with her before it gets better, but stay the course and stay strong.

sandy1234's picture

Submitted by sandy1234 on Thu, 05/23/2013 - 4:08pm

Happy for you girl! My Dh had an epiphany about how he should stand up for his WIFE to everyone instead of kissing ass. I was skeptical at first, but he has not only not given me a single issue since(it's been since beginning of April). Used to be a weekly issue. He not only completely changed with that, but also has improved in every single area that I addressed at the same time. He listened. Was mad at first lol But came to me later and promised to start treating me right like I deserve. My point is that he stuck to his word. So be cautious, but also believe in him.

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Fri, 05/24/2013 - 3:47pm

I am hoping for the best but still have my plan in place for the worst. Discussing my exit plan with DH should he fail me again was important to me. I wanted to gauge his reaction. He said it was fair. My last husband kicked me off his medical insurance during our long three year separation. I have medical needs. I need medical insurance. I cannot work right now due to a disability. He said it will never be like it was during my first separation and divorce. Ex was cruel. DH told me before we married that no matter what happened over the years... together, break up, my fault, his fault... he would make sure I am taken care of financially and medically. Because he feels it is the right thing to do. That is the kind of man he is! It is a glimpse of WHY I married this man. He is kind.

DH and I agreed that if she loses her temper and attacks me again, I will not be the one leaving. She will be. Escorted out by the police, then after juvie to boarding school. He is still needing to believe in her ... that she will make better choices. But if she doesn't... we have the plan in place. She still needs to get to counseling so she had one person who is there for her alone. To vent and figure shit out with. AND DH still needs his parenting coach because I cannot be it. He has chosen the counseling center from recommendations from my lawyer (the one who drafted our separation agreement that goes into effect if he lets me down).

Yes, I am afraid still. But last night, DH (who really hates Dr's) told me while watching TV "Now, don't freak out but I need to tell you something... I'm having chest pains so let's get to the ER" DH is an EMT and I got him in the car and shoved aspirin down his throat. Six hours later got the diagnosis... really bad acid reflux. But this event made me realize... I love DH. I will always love him. He is a battered person... just as must as I am. He lives in fear just as much as I do. I want to help him walk out of this toxic life and into a whole new world. I will never stop loving him.