Not her mom
SDs birthday is coming up, she will be 7 years old. BF and I went shopping and found some awesome stuff for her. Hair clips, hello kitty stuff galore and I will be making a canopy to put above her bed. At target I found this great book from American Girl called 'The Care and Keeping of You' Its pretty straight forward, it very simply explains taking care of your hair, teeth, body, and even as much as periods and breast development. I thought it would be a great gift for her. What girl doesn't need a guide? (or in my case a blog, hehe) After mulling it over with some girlfriends and talking to bf I thought this would be a gift best given to her by her parents, or even better her mother. What little girl wants to talk to daddys girlfriend about the big changes? So I told BF to run it by BM because I personally don't feel comfortable giving it to her.
Tell me why BF came home and told me she got all up in arms and told him to tell me "To take that book and throw it in the trash because I am her mother"
WTF??!?!?!?!?
I can't even make a kind f*&^ing kind gesture without being reminded that I am not their kids mother. Heavens to betsy I've never been more ostracized in my own home and relationship.
So I drank an entire bottle of wine and cried all night while BF held me because I am just so tired of being chastised.
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Comments
Try reading her post
Try reading her post again.
She didn't buy it because she didn't think it was appropriate for her to give it to the SD. She asked her BF to suggest it as a gift from the BM. The BM freaked out.
I just wanted to do something
I just wanted to do something nice. That's all that I was thinking. Sincerely just pure intentions. I guess I'll think twice before being so 'nice'.
Thanks for the kind comments.
Thanks for the kind comments. I don't want to disengage and I don't want to mother a child that is not mine. I guess the hardest part is drawing the line between whats wrong and right. Especially when there are so many differing opinions. BMs, BFs, MIL&FILs, SILs and BILs.
::hugs:: it kills me when
::hugs:: it kills me when BM's pull the "I'm their mother" bit, um yeah, obviously you're the mother. Sounds like she's insecure. It was definately a nice gesture, it's not like you went and took SD by the hand and said "honey, let's talk about the birds and the bees." She should have been happy you knew it wasn't your place and thought her mother should give it to her. what an idiot. I haven't disengaged completely with my Ss, i love him very much but I try to treat our relationship like Aunt/nephew, because if that, the whole "you're not his mom" is thrown in my face.
THANK YOU! I'm just glad that
THANK YOU! I'm just glad that someone can see my point of view. BF told me he immediately wished he would have told her that HE found the book not ME. But they say hindsight is 20/20.
BTW- I LOVE your signature!!! I agree whole-heartedly!
Um, wow, never do understand
Um, wow, never do understand BM reaction here, what if no one tells SD these things, like no one told me??
I think you should not give any presents to SD. Would hate to offend her 'mom'???
Wait......you didn't buy it
Wait......you didn't buy it for her?? You thought it was a great gift, but you didn't feel comfortable having it come from you?? You thought it was a gift more appropriate for a parent to give to her and you caught crap for that???
Tell me again why the BM freaked out? Because it's sounds to me like you were trying to not step on her toes.
Wow... you know what? Chalk this one up to BM being a bitch and move on. Don't hurt yourself by getting drunk because she has a bug up her ass. You tried to do the right thing.
Step-parenting....we're damned if we do, and damned if we don't.
I didn't buy the book, but
I didn't buy the book, but now BF is determined to because he was so upset with her reaction and he IS SDs father, he has a say as well.
Now thats a great
Now thats a great perspective, and one of my girlfriends said something along the same lines 'Whether its you or another girl, there will always be an SM in her kids life and she should be glad its someone as considerate as you'
I'm aware of the book you're
I'm aware of the book you're speaking of. You're correct that it's a great book There's a book #2 for the next stage too. Your thought was a good one, maybe just a year to 18 months a bit early (8 and 9 year olds) and #2 is 9-ish or 10.
It's not the book that set BM off I think. I have a hunch BF could have said 'Cats found a cute stuffed Hello Kitty she thought you might like to get SD' and BM would have went crazy. Toss in 'Cats found a great book of bras, pimples and periods that she thinks would be a good gift for you to get SD' and it sent BM right over the edge. SD is still BM's 'baby' on SD's 7th birthday she's not thinking bras or even SD self cleaning her own hair let alone willing to take the gift suggestion in the manner of gesture it was meant...a good gift idea for a little girl you both care her and take care of. Mommy Hen came out instead and chased the idea right away pecking your toes the whole way.
You didn't do anything wrong. Don't let her get to you so hard. You're going to have to grow a thicker skin because this incident is just the first of many times BM the Ol' Mother Hen will rise her head and strut around drawing the line marking her territory.
Now head up, dry your eyes and have a great time doing up SD's bedroom. She's going to love the canopy. Remember the book for next year and remind BF for SD's 8th what a good book it is and he might like to purchase for his daughter.
I think BF is going to wait
I think BF is going to wait to give her the book, like you said she is only turning 7.
What kills me is she already knows about kissing, and in her mind what 'love' is, she knows about bras and keeping panties clean and she knows the DETAILED difference between girls and boys. She once told me that mommy and daddy loved each other before I came in. Girls develop faster than boys do and this girl wants to know everything about everything - ALL THE TIME.
I figure I will leave the parenting, gift giving, and general question asking up to BF and BM and I'll enjoy the weekends with with them as a I guess an "Aunt".
I am so glad I don't have a
I am so glad I don't have a SD!!! Just a SS!!!
Oh I've got both. SS will be
Oh I've got both. SS will be 9 in August. SS doesn't seem to care one way or another. He doesn't show deep feelings like SD does. He just likes to play wii and the iPad. SD likes to remind me of my place. She's not malicious but shes not innocent either.
damned if you do damned if
damned if you do damned if you dont. A Sm's Motto
No one knows how the dad put
No one knows how the dad put it to the BM about the book. I would not want my 7 year old to get a book on periods and the changes of puberty. I would rather pass it along at 10 depending. I also do not find it appropriate for anyone but myself and her father to have that talk with her. I personally think a mom should do it without the dad because most girls are embarassed enough talking to mom. Mom needs to let her know it is something that she can talk to her about and not be embarassed over. I think the OP did the right thing in stepping back to let the parents decide and give the book. I would be pissed if my sister wanted to do this and did not run it by me first and see if I was ok with it. It's a milestone and a bonding experience.
Eventually BM will have to suck it up and either talk to dad about this stuff or the girlfriend for when her DD will be at dad's and these things come up.
I think the dad should not by the book since he is doing it to spite BM and then BM will have to spite back. Dad should be the bigger person and let it go. It would be better for their daughter and it is not age appropriate.
WTF, you offered to give it
WTF, you offered to give it to HER to give to HER CHILD. She's a psycho. Don't try to do anything nice again.