I know it probably is a bad thing to look at his phone....but sometimes I feel so compelled to do it.
Lately, I have been feeling very insecure and unhappy(mainly from a work/career perspective)..during these cycles of feeling like this..I check SOs Phone…I can stop it, but I don’t!Mainly because of BM and her BS….
I was cheated on by DD Father, he would go online and chat w/other females, ex gfs,, I saw a video of him having sex with his ex gf(that he kept) etc….so let me say, that damage still resonates today..into not trusting men and people in general.
Fast Forward to Saturday, SO talks about this woman who he met while visiting a client sit, SO is an IT Consultant and apparently, her family(this womens) including her husband and son, are in IT. So he gave this woman his business card to pass onto her son, as the son is not happy where he is career wise. And he was hoping to forge a relationship with her, so he could possibly switch jobs. I didn’t think anything of it…..and we go out to lunch with my friend and her boyfriend…friends boyfriend is being unusually helpful with me(SO says he was hitting on me) …don’t really care, just feel bad that my friend is with a douchebag….
Sunday rolls around and I start to think, this scenario sounds oddly familiar, when ex was hitting on other women, I sware I would get hit on, almost as a form of karma…SO is out cutting the grass so I grab his phone, just to see when his ex called and I notice that this womens work # and cell # in his phone, he called and she called once on Friday…the reason this is significant is that, SO has another contact who he talks about, that is the PM of the Project and her #s not in there….so I begin to question why isn’t the Project Managers # not in there, and this other womens is?
It took me 6 hours to confront him about it after being extremely irritable and moody…his reasoning was he didn’t have a pen, because he was in a room a lone, so he just took down her number and put it in his cell, and that she gives him access to get into the building or something like that its easier to call…I don’t know. Apparently, both #s are work #s…..? He said that he would never want to break up and he would never cheat on me and was hugging me and saying he wants to build a life together etc…I believe him, however, I still find it odd, her number would be there…SO hasn’t given me any other indication of cheating and is pretty dedicated to me.
I would never take down another mans number even if it was for a work thing, w/o discussing it with SO first….I would suggest e-mailing as an alternative.
Did I over react or is this suspicious? And do you do this?
His reaction is a bit weird, but if there are no other damning evidence, I would let it go. Everything DH and I have, we share, and we're free to look at eachother's emails and phones and facebooks and what have you. Now if he puts a lock on his phone and starts getting secretive, then you might have something to worry about,
Thanks...his exscuse is weird, because he never leaves his computer a lone..so I know he would have access to a pen, but yes, perhaps I did over react. This has happened to me before, so perhaps the past is haunting me again...it is my issues, and I told him that, not his.
I think you overreacted. It is a work thing. Was the call during work hours? I don't think it is reasonable to have to ask my SO if I can put a work number in my cell phone. That's pretty over-the-top. Not to be overly harsh, but have you talked to someone professionally about your trust issues?
True about the work thing and requesting what phone numbers should go in...Sorry, to clarify,if it is a work thing I get it he does have other females in his phone which is fine. However, he didnt have the PMs number in his phone, hes been on this project for 2 weeks and instead chose, the "other womens" #..when she has no authority...he just met her too.
Maybe therapy would work, dealing in this stepworld is enough to land anyone in therapy....myself included.
Yes Thank-you...the exscuse didnt have a pen...something my ex would come up with.
It is hard to put the past behind you, but somethings intersect so oddly its like groundhog day or something...I have been feeling down, mainly about my job, so i think when your naturally disappointed, your looking for other things to disappoint you as well. If that makes sense...I have gotten better at not looking as much!
I used to work in public accounting, where I'd be at different client sites all year long. I regularly stored client phone numbers as well as co-workers in my phone. I had an office phone, and a cell phone. Because I traveled so much, my cell phone was my main pint of contact. I don't think that's unusual or suspicious.
I think that if you're unhappy and insecure like you said, you should spend some time working on yourself. Get into therapy if you need to. Work on the trust issues. If he's given you no reason to think he's cheating, why go looking for reasons?
Thanks...I have never worked in the corporate side of an organization...hence, perhaps my dissatisfaction at being a receptionist and feeling completely lost.
Ill tell you, the step world exacerbates it!
I am starting to see things clearly and maybe I did over react...I just find it odd storing her number..ive been cheated on before and one time, should be the only time!
When SO and I moved in together, I said, 'Here is my password and I already know yours. I need an open phone policy or I am not doing this. I will never delete or hide anything from you.'
It was the source of one fight for us where I found out he was deleting texts from BM for some stupid reason (Not romantic ones but ones where he was bowing down to her highness). After that, he changed everything to email only. I have access to that too. I don't honestly check that much. I trust him completely. But it's true- when you've been hurt - you don't want to be blindsided again.
Comments
I know it probably is a bad
I know it probably is a bad thing to look at his phone....but sometimes I feel so compelled to do it.
Lately, I have been feeling very insecure and unhappy(mainly from a work/career perspective)..during these cycles of feeling like this..I check SOs Phone…I can stop it, but I don’t!Mainly because of BM and her BS….
I was cheated on by DD Father, he would go online and chat w/other females, ex gfs,, I saw a video of him having sex with his ex gf(that he kept) etc….so let me say, that damage still resonates today..into not trusting men and people in general.
Fast Forward to Saturday, SO talks about this woman who he met while visiting a client sit, SO is an IT Consultant and apparently, her family(this womens) including her husband and son, are in IT. So he gave this woman his business card to pass onto her son, as the son is not happy where he is career wise. And he was hoping to forge a relationship with her, so he could possibly switch jobs. I didn’t think anything of it…..and we go out to lunch with my friend and her boyfriend…friends boyfriend is being unusually helpful with me(SO says he was hitting on me) …don’t really care, just feel bad that my friend is with a douchebag….
Sunday rolls around and I start to think, this scenario sounds oddly familiar, when ex was hitting on other women, I sware I would get hit on, almost as a form of karma…SO is out cutting the grass so I grab his phone, just to see when his ex called and I notice that this womens work # and cell # in his phone, he called and she called once on Friday…the reason this is significant is that, SO has another contact who he talks about, that is the PM of the Project and her #s not in there….so I begin to question why isn’t the Project Managers # not in there, and this other womens is?
It took me 6 hours to confront him about it after being extremely irritable and moody…his reasoning was he didn’t have a pen, because he was in a room a lone, so he just took down her number and put it in his cell, and that she gives him access to get into the building or something like that its easier to call…I don’t know. Apparently, both #s are work #s…..? He said that he would never want to break up and he would never cheat on me and was hugging me and saying he wants to build a life together etc…I believe him, however, I still find it odd, her number would be there…SO hasn’t given me any other indication of cheating and is pretty dedicated to me.
I would never take down another mans number even if it was for a work thing, w/o discussing it with SO first….I would suggest e-mailing as an alternative.
Did I over react or is this suspicious? And do you do this?
Thanks everyone for your feed back!
His reaction is a bit weird,
His reaction is a bit weird, but if there are no other damning evidence, I would let it go. Everything DH and I have, we share, and we're free to look at eachother's emails and phones and facebooks and what have you. Now if he puts a lock on his phone and starts getting secretive, then you might have something to worry about,
Thanks...his exscuse is
Thanks...his exscuse is weird, because he never leaves his computer a lone..so I know he would have access to a pen, but yes, perhaps I did over react. This has happened to me before, so perhaps the past is haunting me again...it is my issues, and I told him that, not his.
I think you overreacted. It
I think you overreacted. It is a work thing. Was the call during work hours? I don't think it is reasonable to have to ask my SO if I can put a work number in my cell phone. That's pretty over-the-top. Not to be overly harsh, but have you talked to someone professionally about your trust issues?
True about the work thing and
True about the work thing and requesting what phone numbers should go in...Sorry, to clarify,if it is a work thing I get it he does have other females in his phone which is fine. However, he didnt have the PMs number in his phone, hes been on this project for 2 weeks and instead chose, the "other womens" #..when she has no authority...he just met her too.
Maybe therapy would work, dealing in this stepworld is enough to land anyone in therapy....myself included.
Yes Thank-you...the exscuse
Yes Thank-you...the exscuse didnt have a pen...something my ex would come up with.
It is hard to put the past behind you, but somethings intersect so oddly its like groundhog day or something...I have been feeling down, mainly about my job, so i think when your naturally disappointed, your looking for other things to disappoint you as well. If that makes sense...I have gotten better at not looking as much!
I think it's a bit of an
I think it's a bit of an overreaction.
I used to work in public accounting, where I'd be at different client sites all year long. I regularly stored client phone numbers as well as co-workers in my phone. I had an office phone, and a cell phone. Because I traveled so much, my cell phone was my main pint of contact. I don't think that's unusual or suspicious.
I think that if you're unhappy and insecure like you said, you should spend some time working on yourself. Get into therapy if you need to. Work on the trust issues. If he's given you no reason to think he's cheating, why go looking for reasons?
Thanks...I have never worked
Thanks...I have never worked in the corporate side of an organization...hence, perhaps my dissatisfaction at being a receptionist and feeling completely lost.
Ill tell you, the step world exacerbates it!
I am starting to see things clearly and maybe I did over react...I just find it odd storing her number..ive been cheated on before and one time, should be the only time!
When SO and I moved in
When SO and I moved in together, I said, 'Here is my password and I already know yours. I need an open phone policy or I am not doing this. I will never delete or hide anything from you.'
It was the source of one fight for us where I found out he was deleting texts from BM for some stupid reason (Not romantic ones but ones where he was bowing down to her highness). After that, he changed everything to email only. I have access to that too. I don't honestly check that much. I trust him completely. But it's true- when you've been hurt - you don't want to be blindsided again.