OH, I am totally a control freak. There's nothing anyone can do to change that, I won't let them. }:)

I admit I am/can be one too. I like things to go smoothly and I have certain expectations, standards, etc so yeah, I like to be in control...especially in my own home/space.

if our dh's had good boundaries in place when we met them, were financially responsible, and knew enough to put their wives first, there would be no need to be controlling. unfortunately, had i allowed dh to control things, we would be divorced right now.

I actually think that it can be a vicious circle. BM "usually" tries to be in control because of HER kids. Then SM gets slapped in the face by all the BM crap so then SM starts having to try and control everything.

I know I am a control freak. I do however know when it is getting out of hand and I will control myself.

I am not a control freak but I do have a level of expectations and I set the bar high for myself so I expect nothing less from others. So obviously, I am constantly disappointed because other cannot achieve the same level of maturity, responsibility, discipline, and plain ol' intestinal fortitude when it comes to setting boundaries. And not just bm's but everyone in your life.

I have baseline expectations for how I want to be treated. If people can't respect that, then I have no need for them in my life.

I am not controlling, I just have standards.

I don't read DH's emails. I don't snoop in his phone. I don't dictate or monitor his communications with his ex wife or his attorney. But he knows that if anything comes to his attention that would affect me or our household, he has to tell me .. out of respect and common courtesy.

I like things to go my way, who doesn't? But I don't think I am a control freak. What I don't like is others controlling me. BM being chronically-hours late for pickups and drop-offs? I felt like she was running my life. Dh agreeing to changes in visitation without consulting me? If it didn't affect me in anyway I didn't care, but one time long ago he actually agreed with bm that "we" would keep him an extra night so she could get her grocery shopping and errands done-he was going to be gone the whole time-so yeah, I ended up "controlling" that.

My ss15 refusing to follow even the most simple basic household rules and just completely doing whatever he liked? Yeah, I felt that was chaos and took control. Him not doing his homework? Who cares?

In other words the only time I feel like I exert "control" is when it directly affects me.

I think I have controlling tendencies at times.

When it came to my bkids (now adults), yes most definitely I needed to know what was going on.

When it comes to BM and SS, not so much at first but I realized my marriage would never survive if I didn't take the bull by the horns! LOL.

It didn't take me long to figure out that BM and SS wanted to control DH and our marriage and I had a choice to make. I could either let them control my life and DH's or I could fight for control. I knew I had to fight DH, BM and SS at times. I also knew by fighting for control of our life and our marriage I took a chance of loosing it all but it was worth it to me.

I can not nor do I want to live with BM and SS dictating our home, our marriage and our life. period.

There is a HUGE difference in bms that try to control our dh and our home and us and us controlling our OWN lives. That is that bm is NOT married to our dh! We are and we have the right and only us to control our own lives and our marriage. Of course the bm can control her own life but she does NOT get to control ours!

If that makes me a control freak then by all means call me one.

Oh I definitely have my moments.

I need my house to be in order so that I can relax. When there is shit all over the place and it looks like a tornado hit, I stress clean until it looks good and then I can breathe until it starts getting messed up again. I guess that's being a bit of a control freak.
But, I have to say, when my son's biodad was still in the picture, I NEVER called and interrupted the limited visitation time they had. I never called and quizzed my son on every detail of everything he had done or was doing at his father's. And I damn sure never insisted that I needed to talk to his grandmother (biodad's mom) if my son was spending the night there so that I could give her instructions on what I wanted her to do with my son. BM does all of these things. If anyone's a FREAK, it's HER! }:)

Everybody has their quirks I guess. If I may ask, why do you ask these questions and not blog about stories or situations? I'm just wondering but it confuses me after a while.

If being a control freak is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

I actually think most of the time, with stepparents,, it's a case of not realizing everyone is a control freak until they are put in a situation where they have no control over their lives, are being swept up in everyone else's actions without their consent, to people they don't actually like, that they start trying to exert control over the variables that are causing the issues--and that's when they're accused of being control freaks.

I mean there are genuine control freaks out there that micromanage and try to exert control over people that they don't have a right to, even if they once did. That's what I think separated BM's from self proclaimed "control freak" SM's I see here. The SM's want their lives run their way with control shared with people they want to allow in, like their SO's, as it would be in a non step situation, but they find their spouses allowing BM's or Skids to change the SM's lives without the SM's consent, and we have BM's who believe anything under the sun that somehow somewhere affects their kid in even a little bit gives them the right to try and control it or demand things be done their way.

I'm crazy when it comes to accessing my washer on the weekends, there better not be anyone else's laundry in it, especially SS16 (SO I'm okay with, because we're equals, and he comes second on the laundry machine priority list, but I generally take priority unless SO really needs to do laundry).

One day I told SS16 to finish his laundry by Saturday night so I could do mine all day on Sunday. Sunday morning at 10AM he's just starting his second load, and can't see the big deal.

I totally flipped out on him and yelled and screamed for about 20 minutes. I get really stressed when I can't do my laundry to get ready for work. Mind you that was after multiple instances of SS being dismissive of me. I flipped out so bad that time I sent everyone running to the far corners of the house. I really lost it.

I always disinfect the the tv remotes after SS has handled them, and I won't eat the salad he makes, because I don't believe he washes his hands.

Yep, step life turns me into an OCD freak.

Before my journey into stephell, I was the biggest control freak on the planet. But life as a SM has changed my controlling tendencies. All I can control is me. I can't control DH or SD they are responsible for themselves. Once I accepted this, I let go of alot of anger. Anger over issues that were driving me crazy. If it's not a big deal to DH what she does to him, that's on him. I can't control him or his reaction to her, only mine.