Read the book "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin which explains EVERYTHING. No one can force anyone to "feel" a certain way. Stepmotherhood is like going down the street and randomly picking children off the sidewalk then attempting to "love them like your own" (TM)

The expectations for a stepMOM is WAY WAY WAY WAY higher than it is for a stepDAD! Women are supposedly to have instant "maternal instincts" and if they don't they are downtrodden and chastised.

Why is his family intruding on your life with your BF? To me, that is the real issue and could pose quite a problem in the future if they have poor boundaries.

You don't have to love them but the fact that they make your skin crawl is going to make it a long, hard road.

Does your BF not parent them? What about them makes you jealous, angry, and worried about them interacting with your sons?

I do not love my SD (now 22) but I do not hate her. I care about what happens to her, mostly because it affects my husband. However, my husband parented her and she was not a disrespectful, ill behaved child (for the most part). That makes a BIG difference.

There is nothing wrong with you or bad or unnautral etc about you not liking/loving your BF's kids as/like you own. You are (impo) in the MAJORITY! Most of us don't love or even like our partner's kids. For many reasons.
If you do, kudos to you...if you don't oh well that is life, we are not going to like or love everyone we come into contact with, have to live with and so on.

When DH and I got together I thought no problem I will LOVE SS13 in time. After a while I realized it just wasn't happening. Especially when SS (and BM) started trouble. I have a really hard time trying to LOVE skid when in return we have to deal/put up with BM.

After 5 years I can tell you I don't love SS18 like my bios and know that I never will. I try to treat him kindly but that is hard when he shows so much disrespect. But I STILL keep trying!

I don't LOVE him but I wish him no harm. I do hope that he somehow grows up to be a responsible adult and outgrows his selfish, entitled behavior.

In turn, I don't expect DH to love my children either. I realize that he will never have the deep feelings for them that he has for SS. They are not rude to him. They treat him with respect. They call him on Fathers Day, his birthday and respect our home. But I know in my heart he still does not LOVE them like he does SS. So it is a 2 way street.

As I typed this it made me realize how true that statement is. My (adult) children are VERY respectful to DH. His word is law with them. When they visit or we visit them they will ask HIM what he wants to do. They ALWAYS take his feelings into account. Oh, and he has NEVER had to deal with their BF! BUT still through and with ALL of that DH does not LOVE them like he does SS.

So with everything that SS18 has said and done, and everything that I have had to deal with concerning SS and BM does he seriously expect me to even have strong feelings for the manchild???

If you are not happy now, if you cannot tolerate your BF's girls, if he is not parenting his children, then you may want to reconsider your relationship.

My family is also BAC/Pentecostal and were very annoying when I first married my DH. They continually referred to his kid as my daughter. Ummmmmmmmm......no. She is not my daughter, she has a mother. She is DH's daughter. Not mine. My sister is a SM and refers to her SD as her daughter and thinks I'm horrible for not doing the same. I told her we have a very different dynamic and that she needed to learn to live with my choices. And again.....I have NO children, do not refer to someone else's kid as my daughter. It's insulting to me, it's insulting to the child and it's insulting to the BM.

You do not have to love these kids. If love towards them grows, great. If not, they're not your kids. As long as you are treating them with kindness and respect (AND they must be treating you the same way), then that is all you need to contribute. You would not be expected to LOVE anyone else automatically in any other relationship, why jackasses believe this to be different with children is beyond my scope of understanding.

(Gagging on being told Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttt they're children!!!!) So the f**k what? I see kids every single day. If I professed to love every strange kid I met, they'd charge me with pedophilia.

Outsiders and dumbasses that tell you differently need to pull their tiny, little pea brains out of their asses and shut the f**k up about their expectations for you. It's not up to them.

This isn't an easy gig and you cannot go into this with rose-colored glasses. I'm glad you found this site before marriage so you are able to weigh your options and put real thought into your future commitments.

Ignore whoever is telling you this. When Dh and I first got together I heard this a lot and I felt so much pressure to love him like my own and with the help of this site I realized that isn't possible. Don't get me wrong I love my Ss5 however I dont' love him like my own... I love him more like a nephew. But I think I love him that way because Dh doesn't let him act like a little asshat. It sounds like your BF's family needs a lesson in boundaries. It's none of his sisters business whether he should consider marrying you or not and your BF should be voicing this to his sister anytime she deems it appropriate to intrude on your business. yikes, in laws drive me crazy.

No! you don't. I don't have children of my own (not the lack of trying) and I can tell you there is nothing like loving your own blooded related children. It does not comepare to anyone elses. You will never hold the same spot light for his children with another woman like you do with your own.

That does not take away the fact to say you don't care about them! Because they are your husband children you are aloud to care for them and care they do not get hurt. However it is hard to care for someone elses children if the BM becomes a pain in the ass by coaching them to act stupid and funny around you. THAT becomes a problem.