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LOL- BM Thinks FDH Should BRIBE SD12 to Visit

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 12:20pm

Last Thursday, SD12 refused to visit and as I posted she also expressed her fear that not visiting would cause FDH to send "mommy to jail". FDH didn't address the jail thing with BM (of course) but he did talk to her about SD12 not wanting to visit. He asked her if she thought it was because we've put some rules and structure in place at our house. She said "No, we are also limiting her computer time and enforcing bed time so not sure that's it" She went on to say that she sees FDH so little (mainly b/c she keeps skipping visits) that he really should try to make it attractive to come here.

FDH described it as she was basically telling him to bribe her and spoil her. He was sort of laughing when he said this to me. I said "Are you kidding? She's the most spoiled kid and the fact that she's spoiled is the very problem!" He said "I know, I feel like when she's here everything is about her." He said he told that to BM and that it's hard to entice her with anything because all she wants is 100% access to her computer which isn't good for her so she just needs to come. He also told BM that her own father recently referred to SD as a brat who uses her diabetes to snow her parents and get her way. BM tried to argue that point but not much to say to it....

And of course, when FDH called SD last night, she'd spent the entire holiday weekend on the computer. So much for limitations at her house.

I swear, sometimes this crap is just so ridiculous that it's funny.

Comments

iwasindenial's picture

Submitted by iwasindenial on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 1:05pm

Our BM said something similar.... DH bought SD10 a kid cellphone (can only call 4 numbers), so that he could talk to her without going through BM. She lives 1200 miles away and we only see her 3x a year. She won't keep the phone charged, I guess its not cool enough anymore. So BM told us "if you get her a phone that texts, she will keep it charged..."

Really? So we need to bribe her in order for her dad to be able to talk to her?!?! I want to just disconnect it now!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 1:11pm

He definitely shouldn't bribe her to visit- good for him for not doing that. But at 12, I don't know that he can force her to visit. 12 seems like the age where many judges start taking into consideration what the kids want regarding visits. It's also an age where the allure of being with parents is less, well, alluring, and she'll want to be hanging out with her friends more (which I think he should encourage to help her become independent).

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 1:43pm

She doesn't have any friends. She wants to hang out on her computer 24/7 without being bothered with requests like "let's go to the beach/sailing/swimming in the pool/for a bike ride". Her mom lets her sit there and do nothing.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 1:49pm

Then something is not right. Maybe her parents should be talking to her doctor about that. Sometimes that's a sign of depression, or that something else is going on.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 2:09pm

She has been to the doctor and is on her second therapist. She does have some anxiety issues. But all three professionals said that they MUST limit her time on the computer and encourage her to do different things. BM hardly ever follows this. FDH is inconsistent but is really starting to see the light and has gotten far better. So it's really their fault. And BM certainly doesn't want to hear anyone's advice. She barely takes SD to counseling. She thinks everyone is being too hard on her. The real issue is that she's being 100% lazy as a custodial parent and making excuses for SD and refusing professional advice. So now, BM wants him to entice her to come here. The only thing that entices her is full access to computer with no bed time. So that obviously isn't a solution (or any enticing for that matter).

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 1:31pm

At one point, I told both my husband's daughters that he is their father, not their entertainment center, and if they didn't want to be there just because he's their dad, don't bother coming 'cuz it is certainly not a celebration just to have them over.

And I also told them that we were not playing it by ear depending on what we were doing or how much money we had that weekend. They were either coming every other weekend or they weren't. Decide now.

It was mostly the oldest, who had been estranged from him since she was very young (different BM) and only wanted to see him if there was something in it for her.