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DH says just chalk it up to teenage angst

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 8:46am

SD14 is "sick" so DH let her miss the day of school. I had left a bag of groceries beside the television when I came in. I walked in front of SD14 and I did say “excuse me for just a second”. Instead of pausing her show or getting up to help the pregnant woman carrying groceries she catches an attitude. “You could have walked behind the couch but you had to walk in front of me. You did that on purpose". I told her if she hadn’t noticed I can no longer squeeze behind the couch and it only took me a few seconds to walk over to the bag and I could use some help putting the groceries away. "Can't you see I'm sick"? Well if you’re so sick go lay in your room in your bed with no TV. She walks away and I hear her mumble “such a lazy b----".

When DH came in from his morning jog I told him to deal with his daughter. I told him what happened and he says it’s not worth talking to her about and to just chalk it up to teenage angst. I have sunburn because I thought it was safe to go make groceries in the cloudy weather but just my luck by the time I leave the store the skies clear. I have a human being inside of me. My back is sore. My shoulder blades are sore because my bras no longer fit. My feet look like they got smacked with mallets. It’s getting harder and harder to get comfortable. Last night it felt like she sucker punched me from the inside and I was not expecting that. And I still have a few months to go and she will only get bigger and kick harder. Now when I go to pee it hurts when I finish. I shouldn't have to deal with SD and her "teenage angst". I wish DH and I could switch places I bet he would be on SD14 like white on rice strict discipline no "chalking it up". If he was in my shoes for one day. And speaking of shoes my shoes don't fit anymore I didn’t even anticipate that one. I had to squeeze into my flats this morning and my feet hurt so I just went shopping in my slippers.

Is it bad to daydream about tying DH and SD to train tracks and while they await their fate I get to lie down on my couch eating something sweet crunch and salty and watch Netflix. IN PEACE!

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 9:01am

She walks away and I hear her mumble “such a lazy b----".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My DH use to let SS get away with murder....BUT he would have taken SS down for EVER speaking to me like that.

And yes..it is probably teenage angst. So? Who cares. If your DH does nothing about it now it will only get worse.

EDIT TO ADD ... Go get a good bra ASAP. It will really help.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 8:57am

Let her have all the pissy attitude she wants....just keep being the adult in the house and putting her in her place. Do what you want to do when you want to do it...let her throw her little tandrums in her room.

Kudos for sending her to lay down if she's soooo sick.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 9:15am

She'd be munching on jalapeños if she were MY SD. That'll be the day a freaking kid calls me a B word.

Carley's picture

Submitted by Carley on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 10:06am

Well, teenage girls are assholes, including my own bio after being at her dad's.

My kid will get snotty with me like I am a high school peer and I remind her I am her mom and she isn't allowed to talk to me like that. My NPD ex and affair partner wife badmouth me at my ex's house and put me down a lot. It's just crap she learned at the other parents house where everybody yells at each other and act snotty and bitchy so they pick up those habits. Even my ex sounds bitchy.

You are probably dealing with an alienated child trained to hate you. SD is taking her frustrations out on you because you are the enemy. She was probably instructed to take the pictures and show her mom. It's probably the BM you hear coming out of that adolescent mouth, too. It could also be a little bit of jealousy of a new baby and a new family to adjust to, just to make things worse.

Try to treat her as if she were your own daughter. Kill her with kindness and give her as much love and affection and attention as you can. Say hi sweetie to her when you walk in. Ask her how she is feeling and empathize with her, even if you don't mean it. She may be missing that at home if BM is a hot mess.

Call her by pet names like honey, baby and sweetheart instead of her real name. Ask for hugs. Kids really do like that, and it's ten times harder to stay angry at someone who is always nice to you. A little spoiling goes a long way to mending those broken bridges with SK's. She is going to be a part of your new family, so make the best of a bad situation.

Don't start name calling, or get into childish arguments, or yell and get shitty with her. Stop going to the DH for support, they are no help to us whatsoever. Involving him would likely screw it up anyway and it will look like you told on her. Generally, the husbands are not the caregiver types anyway. We're expected to fill that role since we are women.

Carley's picture

Submitted by Carley on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:07am

Yes I have. It is just teenager crap. She's testing her to see how much she can get away with. If SD was renting my Netflix, I'd change the account info and be done with it. Same as the phone it would be password protected. It still doesn't change the bad attitudes and resentment by both SK and SM. She has a broken kid that will get better if the attitude in that house changes. Kids learn what they live.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 4:19pm

Kids live what they learn. This girl has learned from her bio mom to be hateful and disrespectful toward her SM and her dad has allowed her to get away with way too much with his lack of proper parenting.
Do you seriously believe that all Porcelein has to do is start calling her SD some endearing names and giving her hugs?
Let me take a second to picture that...

SD to porcelein: lazy bitch
porcelein to SD: Oh sweet darling SD, I think you just need a hug from me
:sick:

This SD has given so much shit to porcelein and porcelein tried the "nicey nice route" in the beginning but also wasn't going to be pissed on time after time.
You can't convince me of your bullsh** method of handling this.
I have a feeling that this SD will get so much more of what she really deserves after porcelein has her baby and her mama bear instincts kick in!!!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:07am

"Call her by pet names like honey, baby and sweetheart instead of her real name. Ask for hugs. Kids really do like that, and it's ten times harder to stay angry at someone who is always nice to you. A little spoiling goes a long way to mending those broken bridges with SK's. She is going to be a part of your new family, so make the best of a bad situation."

You're either not a SP or very, very, very, very, very new at this.

Bad advice. Her DH MUST step up to the plate and deal with his child.

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 5:52pm

Oh wow that's awesome. And Porcelain is my real name belive it or not only its spelled porcelian.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 10:39am

Call her by pet names like honey, baby and sweetheart instead of her real name. Ask for hugs. Kids really do like that, and it's ten times harder to stay angry at someone who is always nice to you. A little spoiling goes a long way to mending those broken bridges with SK's. She is going to be a part of your new family, so make the best of a bad situation.

Don't start name calling, or get into childish arguments, or yell and get shitty with her. Stop going to the DH for support, they are no help to us whatsoever. Involving him would likely screw it up anyway and it will look like you told on her. Generally, the husbands are not the caregiver types anyway. We're expected to fill that role since we are women.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:jawdrop:

Carley's picture

Submitted by Carley on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 10:52am

Hey if you put venom out there, you will only get it back x100. Otherwise, sit in your room and sulk and think of bad things to happen to them since that is obviously working out so well for you and the others.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:09am

You are obviously not a step-mother or if you are, you are taking Xanax or smoking a LOT of weed.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:10am

Which is why her DH should be dealing with it. It's not her responsibility to discipline his child.

Go back and read her old blogs to gain some insight as to why your sunshine and glitter special won't work here.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:18am

“You could have walked behind the couch but you had to walk in front of me. You did that on purpose".

"No, I walked in front of you because that was the only clear path available to me from this point to the kitchen."

*picks up hammer and smashes TV set*

"No *THAT* was on purpose. See the difference?"

(sorry, reading too much Game of Thrones lately)

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 11:30am

I'm just starting book 3. But if George R Martin kills off Tyrion, I am done with this series! DONE I tell you!

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 12:23pm

I don't put up with any shit talk from my sd14 that I wouldn't have put up with from my own kids. sd14 pretty much knows this and she is very sneaky in the way that she goes behind my back to do things. She never tells me anything. She tells her ddddddaaaaadddddyyyyyy. Or either she sneaks into things when we aren't looking. Teenage angst or not. The only way that children learn is by being taught. Teens still need to be told that such behavior is not allowed. And yes, if you stayed home from school, take your sick ass to your room so that the rest of us don't get what you have!!

Regardless, your pregnancy is beside the point. It doesn't matter that you're pregnant you are a person who she doesn't need to talk to in that manner regardless of your state of physical being.
But since you are pregnant, I think you're allowed to go 6 buckets of crazy if you feel like it!! Wink go get her!!!

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 1:36pm

what you will allow will continue. girl you have to find a back bone. Carley you need to back off...im thinking we should be disengaging from you and praying you will go away. if you dont have anything positive to add find someplace else to spread your nasty attitude

Carley's picture

Submitted by Carley on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 2:07pm

I can see why your SK's don't like you very well. Kids respond to the same treatment they live in the home with. You'll get back everything in life that you give out. You seem pretty angry and misplaced with your new family. It probably has to do with your bad attitude.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 5:16pm

Lol! I remember that! I believe it was 10 dollars, but The Precious may need more. She sounds like a real peach.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 2:57pm

Put some aloe vera on that sunburn.

I would send SD to her room and make sure she stays there when your DH isn't home.

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 5:45pm

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry but I won't be calling her pet names or giving her hugs. I'm never mean to her she is the one that is always catching the attitudes and throwing mean looks. I'm no evil SM but I also have had enough. I told DH he needs to step it up before I bring an innocent baby into this house. I don't need the added stress right now and I really wont have time to deal with it with a newborn. He has to step up and parent his daughter. He says he understands where I'm coming from. But I feel like its in one ear and out the other.

MaggieMay's picture

Submitted by MaggieMay on Mon, 09/09/2013 - 6:50pm

If your DH wont step up, I would do absolutely NOTHING for this girl, no cooking,no shopping, no rides anywhere etc. When she asks you yo do something, say "I cant/wont do that, I'm a lazy bi@&h" and walk away.
"Sorry, didnt cook dinner tonight, Im a lazy bi&@ch" .
But , maybe Im just being cranky today Smile Smile