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Discipline

rramos's picture

Submitted by rramos on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 8:36pm

My husband and I have my 2 kids full time. We have his two boys (ages 10 and 13) most of the time. They only go to their mom's house every other weekend. I am the main one caring for all the children as my husband works alot. We are having issues with disciplining the older two children. What should my role as disciplinarian be towards them?

Comments

rramos's picture

Submitted by rramos on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 9:08pm

I dont think thats right. Their bm only sees them every other weekend and I am the one primarily with them. Also, he disciplines mine just as he disciplines his.

Stupidlyoptimistic's picture

Submitted by Stupidlyoptimistic on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 10:30pm

I think this is something that you and DH discuss together. From what I've seen on this site, this can be a big issue in a lot of families. In my house, both adults enforce all rules. This is something DH discussed and agreed on prior to getting married. That being said, I have never laid a hand on my skids. I don't have to. The girls (6 & 9) can be talked to quite easily. The boy Diablo is a handful. He gets timeout and a discussion with me. Sounds silly, but it works. I was home this summer when they came for two weeks. SS6 learned quickly that I wouldn't tolerate his lies, manipulation, and outright disrespectfulness. He now listens to me better than DH or BM. Not because I am mothering him (trust me, I am not), but because I demand respect. He will ignore DH until I step in. I asked DH when I read this post if it ever bothered him, and he said not at all. DH will enforce the rules, too, but he gets frustrated with SS and has to walk away so as not to discipline while angry. That's ok. DH steps in when I am frustrated with my son. We are a team. I was telling my mom today that SS probably thinks I'm the "evil" stepmom, but I would rather he think that than think it is ok to be disrespectful to other adults. Honestly, to my knowledge, he lies to BM about DH being too hard on him, but never says a word about me. My skids LOVE me. The girls will spend most of their visit hanging out with me by choice. They spend time with DH, too, but they seem to like having a happy and fair SM around. BM apparently disciplines them, but babies SS. There is a lot of resentment between the girls and their brother because of it. Sorry for getting a little OT, but this is how it works in my home. Talk to your DH and figure out the best way for your family. Smile

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:46am

As long as you aren't hitting the kids, I don't understand why this us an issue.
But since it is, just tell your husband he needs to find a sitter for the times he can't be home with his kids.

rramos's picture

Submitted by rramos on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 7:10am

I've never spanked either of DH's boys and I don't plan to. Lately hes just been having problems with me disciplining them. Like I said in an earlier comment, he disciplines both of my children and I dont have any problem with that, as their bf is not really in their lives. Also, I am the main one spending any time with them since DH works alot. He only sees the kids for a couple hours each night. Last night my ss13 threw a fit and got angry and started throwing things around because he didnt want to wash dishes. He started throwing stuff to the side and saying "I'm not washing this, I'm not washing this, etc, etc" so I calmy went over to him and said "Please stop throwing things around, you are going to wash those dishes." Then DH tells me "Your adding fuel to the fire, you should just tell him to go to his room and calm down for a few minutes," and "I can speak to him in a way that you cannot because I am his biological parent". I just fell like saying ok well if you want it that way how about you discipline youirs and I'll discipline mine.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 8:03am

We have my two steps full time. I used to discipline (not physical) but it was nothing but problems. Dh never agreed with me (even if we discussed it prior and agreed then) and he would undermine me.

So now I just send skids to their rooms when they misbehave, and daddy can deal with them when he gets home. He almost never actually issues consequences or even talks to them about their behavior....but at least it gets them away from me and keeps them out of my hair when they act like asses.