Vent-SHTF with FDH today about BD19. I finally just told him "Guess what? If you don't like her, then I don't like you!"
Sooo tired of the drama. FDH thinks that since BD19 is out of the house it's okay to tell me all the things he doesn't like about her all the time. I don't care to hear his opinion. I don't expect him to feel the same way I do about her but common fucking courtesy says you don't talk shit about someone else's family, no matter what your personal opinon may be.
My kid is awesome,sorry he doesn't see it. He is not asked to do anything for her or with her so what is the fucking big deal already?
I wish he would sign up for ST, then he could vent and I wouldn't have to hear it!
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Maybe you should tell him all
Maybe you should tell him all the things you don't like about his kids }:)
I would but my momma raised
I would but my momma raised me better than that. Would love to see his face though!
We have a rule in this house,
We have a rule in this house, no interfering with each others kids.
You rock. The last thing your DD needs is a step dad with a bad attitude who hates her.
We each parent our own kids,
We each parent our own kids, but he really disagrees with me on how I choose to help my kiddos that have left the nest. I believe they need a little extra support for awhile, then you cut back slowly until they are flying solo. He thinks once they've left the nest they're cut off. Fortuntely for my kids, I earn my own money so he can suck it.
Hahaha yeah! In our case,
Hahaha yeah!
In our case, mine gave his adult kids half his businesses. And he gave his DD a cut from the proceeds when he sold his former marital home, and he gave his son the title to some land. They live very well, but we live simply. Small house. Zero debt.
I feel that It's not my place to argue with him over what he does with his money, and it has saved a lot of fights over kids... we just fight over stupid shit instead. LOL
Wow, you're on the other side
Wow, you're on the other side of this.
Interesting, since women are posting all the time how they let their man know what's wrong with his kid(s) and how he needs to fix it.
I happen to agree with you. I think people should keep their opinions of other people's children to themselves. I wouldn't be with DH if he was shit talking my kids, and I believe he wouldn't be with me if I did the same. A few days ago, I made a comment to him when I was mad at her that I regretted. It was really unkind, and I'd be livid if he said it about my kid. I apologized and said I'd keep that shit to myself in the future. Given that I haven't said anything like that in the years we've been together, he gave me a pass.
I know you think your kid is awesome. You give her lots of money and bought her a car. I think that's your business, personally. It's your money and you can afford it.
However, I read on here all the time how pissed the woman is because her man is spending *his* money on *his* kids and the poster gets support.
The guy is an ass.
I'll bet you get support and get told HE'S the ass. Funny how all that's different is the gender of the complaining parties...
I don't necessarily think the
I don't necessarily think the 'women here are pissed b/c their men are spending 'their' money on their kids.' It's more a matter of HIS kids:
1) not making any effort to help themselves
2) treating 'their' BP's soley as an ATM
3) showing downright disrespect to both their BP's and SP's
4) The SK's constantly being rewarded for $hitty behavior
ETC, ETC, ETC.
It's usually more a matter of HIM purchasing HIS children instead of parenting them. I for one, never had an issue with my Xh 'helping' his kids. I had an issue with him enabling them and having absolutely NO expectations of them becoming productive members of society. If that makes me one of THOSE women you're talking about..... guess what? MY Xh was an ASS! And so are many of the BD's/BM's on here. Also, if Xh was always complaining about how HIS kids treated him (he was) OR was asking my thoughts on THEIR behavior, OR the SNOTS were interferring in MY marriage.... damn skippy, I have something to say about it.
For the OP, your DH shouldn't be saying anything negative about your BD whenever he can. It's not productive and will eventually destroy your relationship.
Just my thoughts.
I don't know if I would say I
I don't know if I would say I am on the other side. I have stepkids who sometimes irritate me, I have to deal with a BM. But I am also a BM to my kids. Blended families are hard all the way around. I try to understand the difficulties involved but some days it all gets to be too much.
I personally think you need to pay the cost if you want to be the boss. In other words, the person who earned the money gets to say how it's spent. I do however, think SAH parents should get a portion of the working partners income allotted to them because they are working too, they just don't get paid. But that is not my situation.
I do it all and since I do, I have the right to do as I see fit. I parent my kids,pay my share of expenses, I have the lions share of savings, both regular and retirement. I even helped out FDH when he had slow periods and when he couldn't work due to surgery. Given that I am handling my business, I don't want to hear his mouth. The fact is I raised my kids to know what was important to ME, now FDH comes along and there are things that are important to him, and he gets upset that my kids haven't been raised to value those things since birth. Well truth be told, those things still aren't important to me, we are all just humoring him because I love him so we have to compromise. I deal with the same situation with his children, I just don't rub his face in the things they do that make me nuts.
Exactly. I make good money
Exactly.
I make good money and don't get CS for my kids. When I've bought cars for the older ones, DH doesn't say anything. When I pay for "club" or "elite" athletics, he doesn't say anything.
I work. I use my income to pay for those things.
Likewise, I don't butt in on what he spends on his kids.
We actually share money with joint accounts, and it's never been an issue between us.
In my opinion, a lot of it is
In my opinion, a lot of it is in how you say things. At my employer,they teach you that in order for people to want to follow you, you need to let people know you value them, which is done by praising them when they do things the way you want them to. Also when you want to change a behavior, it's best to give the new direction to a group and not single anyone out. If you absolutely have to give critism to an individual, in order to allow their ego to accept the criticism and deal with it, you need to phrase it properly and sandwich it in between praise. This allows the person to feel that they are a good person who does a good job, there's just this one thing they need to work on. If you make them feel that they suck, their ego will not be able to accept that and instead the person will decide they are perfect, you are a bitch and they don't need to do anything differently.
Also, I honestly would not mind if my FDH had actionable complaints that were impacting him, like hey she makes a mess when she comes here and I would like her to clean it up. Instead he just seems bitch about anything I do for her and points out things he doesn't like about her. Why does he think I give a fuck about his opinion about my daughter? She is who I raised her to be and she is in fact awesome. She has the scholarships, job and references to prove it. I kinda think that is part of the problem. She is doing waaay better than SD20 and I think it bugs him. Plus, truth be told, she's smarter than FDH and is doing waaay better than he was at her age.
Re-reading this I don't mean
Re-reading this I don't mean to say I don't give a fuck about his opinion because I am interested if he has something meaningful to say. But if you don't like the words she uses or the way she keeps her apt or her style choices or her friends or where she likes to hang out, or the fact that I spend MY money on MY kid, you really don't need to share that unless you are being impacted somehow. Common courtesy says if you have nothing nice to say about someone's family, say nothing unless it's impacting you, then be as delicate as possible when addressing the problem. FDH damn well better be treating me with the same courtesy he would anyone else. There's no law that says because I love you that gives you the right to throw all respect out the window and be an asshole and I have to put up with it. Fuck that!
Update- FDH apologized this
Update- FDH apologized this morning, said he didn't realize he was spouting off that much about BD19. He said that part of the problem is he feels like she has it too easy, she's smart so doesn't have to work hard at school, I have money so I help her out when needed, he feels like she hasn't learned to deal with adversity. It seemed to me he was a little jealous. I told him that I don't mind hearing constructive feedback or requests for actionable items, but the constant petty commentary needs to stop.
I also said that he really has no clue about the adversity BD19 has been through. And I informed him that I help out SD20 also and she's still living with BM, so I am not playing favorites.
I did re-read this blog and I realize part of the problem may be that I make it too apparent to the kids that I really don't give a fuck about certain things, we just do them to humor FDH. This probably makes the kids resent FDH and I will try to do better about that part.