And to the background of our situation WARNING LONG and full of crazy BM crap!
Me and DH met during his divorce from BM (I started work for the same company he worked for). This however is not the way BM sees it, to her we were having an affair years before they actually split but I can honestly say my DH received his decree nisi before I started working with him so logically she just needs to do the math but as you will know BM's are never logical in their thinking.
DH has SS7 with BM. SS is for the most part a great little boy and behaves well 99% of the time apart from the usual 7 year old stuff. Me and DH have been married 4 years, together 5 and have 2 DS3 and DS5 months together.
BM has pulled many stunts over the years to split me and DH up and to keep SS7 From DH. When she first found out about me she refused to let DH see SS for 6 months. When DH finally got a court order for visitation SS came to us a little confused and explained that BM had told him 'daddy doesn't love you anymore' and 'top muffin stole daddy from you' and 'daddy won't be able to look after you' etc etc (you get the picture). So it took us quite a while to undo all the PAS but we finally got him comfortable in our home. Then when BM found out we were planning to marry she turned up the heat with more PAS and refusing DH access to SS on the day of our wedding so he didn't attend. When we eventually
Saw SS again she had told him we didn't want him there.
When BM found out I was expecting our first baby she turned up at our home and threatened to kick the baby out of me. She then spread rumors that the baby was not DH's and demanded that SS never be around our DS because as she says they aren't related. She also told SS that DS was not his brother and he wasn't allowed to love him as it would hurt her feelings.
We thought she would start to settle down when she finally met someone but unfortunately not. DH went to collect SS for visitation and she had moved without telling him where she had taken SS. This then led to another 4 months of not seeing SS. When we did finally see SS again thanks to another court order he had been seriously PAS to the point where he believed BM's boyfriend was his new daddy and he could only call my DH by his name.
So there have been loads of other stunts that batshit (also known as BM) has pulled but it would take forever to write up but I'm sure you will all know what we are dealing with. But as I've said in previous blog things are escalating so more to follow......
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When I met my DH, his
When I met my DH, his daughters were aged 5 and 7, and NPD BM subjected them to some serious PAS, mainly about me, which was all untrue, of course, I won't bore you with detail, but she said some very nasty things about me, never having even met me at that point.
I have a lot in common with your story - NPD BM withheld my SDs from their father on numerous occasions, though never for months at a time. I must say your situation sounds a good bit worse than mine.
My SDs are now 18 and nearly 17, and things have improved a little, in that NPD BM cannot intrude into our lives so much now the SDs are practically adult. But we have taken a lot of shit over the years. One of the most important things I have learned is the value of boundaries, and being on the same page as your DH.
Thanks kes it does sound like
Thanks kes it does sound like we have a lot in common. How did you and you DH deal with BM?
How did we deal with NPD BM?
How did we deal with NPD BM? Well, when I first met DH he used to try and appease her all the time. I finally got through to him after a few years, that this didn't work - it just made her worse. She would pull stunts all the time, knowing he was not going to stand up to her. He started standing up to her, eg if she said she wouldn't let the SDs come over unless he made some concession or other, he said "go ahead then, they won't come".
Plus he ignored her emails and texts. He would take her calls, but the MINUTE she raised her voice, he would put the phone down. I took a couple of years of this for her to get the message, but we got a lot less routine rubbish from her after that, and much more infrequently. Even now, we get a bit of drama every so often, but it is more like every 6 months than every other week.
Sounds like you handled her
Sounds like you handled her pretty well. DH used to appease BM because he believed it would be easier on him. After she moved without telling him he stopped being so nice. Now he never engages with her but it just seems to be making her worse to the point where she is making SS her pawn again and it's having a bad impact on him. According to BM though it is me who has turned DH against her and I'm the one who replies to texts (I've never replied to her even when she contacted me directly). She can't see that it is her own actions that have got her to where she is now. It's always someone else's fault with her.