I haven't posted in awhile, been reading and commenting but no blogs for me. I wanted to wait and see how all of this played out with SD17. A lot has happened the last month. We have started having her over for dinner and going out for dinner with my BS18 and SS15. It went well. She is having a very hard time. Originally I didn't want her back in our lives, but DH was getting desperate with worry about her.

She went out to dinner with us about a month ago and I had to ask how much she weighed, she looked so gaunt. 73 pounds for a 5'1" 17 year old girl. Needless to say, that was enough for the mom in me to come out, no matter how angry I have been the last few years with her. She is clinically depressed and is seeing a therapist and on anti-depressants. Apparently this is number four or five of ones they have tried. My shock let to me saying I don't understand how you are so thin. This is not good. Well she and my SS have explained that BM never cooks and the food in the house is vegan. When she does cook, my SD is working and gets home late and they save nothing for her. She is working at a fast food restaurant and doesn't eat much there. So, she has been here for dinner the last few weeks about three times a week. I made DH go weigh her a couple nights ago and we are up to 81 pounds. I cook a lot since I work from home.

She is a shell of the child she was the day she walked out of our house three years ago. The spark is gone. She is broken. I know in my heart that we did everything we could to keep her, but the courts will let a fourteen year old have what they want. Well last night we talked again about college and what her future looks like. GPA after getting mono last year is 2.5 now. She has taken online classes and is really working for the A's and B's she has. It will be enough to get her in one of the state schools. BM though is telling her it isn't. So DH has checked back in and been calling the schools that are options and we are correct. BM and her are fighting and SD is walking away from the arguments. Because of all the meals she has been eating here, BM even cooked last week for her and she came home at 9:30 and went to bed, so there was another argument. Who makes dinner at 9:30 PM?

I am still angry at SD, but more at BM since she PAS'd her so bad that we could not win at all. Yesterday after their fight on Tuesday when SD left here after dinner and asked her mom about how college was being paid for and did she expect her to work her freshman year. We had a discussion with her about these things, she knows that the agreement is BM pays for her and we pay for SS. I pay for BS. BM basically told us to butt out and she has a plan and SD can go to community college and live at home.

This kid wants out of that house. Apparently for many reasons. I will list a few that I am aware of. SD of BM's - one of two that have been expelled from our local HS is pregnant and living with them. Baby due in February and she is now about 21 and last I hear was trying to be a dental tech and not married. Also, on Memorial Day, the Stepdad beat my SD. This happened before and when it did she told him she would call the police, so this time when he choked her, the police came. Because she was 17 and nothing could be proven that she didn't provoke it, no charges filed. We found out about that two weeks ago, so I got a copy of the police report so we could learn more and spoke to the officer on the scene. Stepdad was counseled not to touch her again and she was encouraged to go live with us. We knew none of this part of it. Turns out that BM called DH and told him there was an incident, but nothing about choking only that my SD had gone crazy. After learning of all of this, he admitted what he knew. I called him a fool, because clearly it didn't make sense as to why after three years was BM telling him anything, let alone something that seemed weird? She was covering her ass in case we heard about it.

Last night, SD came over to eat something before going to work. Our relationship is still strained, but I texted her that if she was hungry, I had made a pot of chilli and she could get some. She came over at 4:00 PM. She also, spent the night on Sat after work at 10PM. Clearly she wants a family. She said she is always alone and BM seems to hate her.

When she was hear last night, we told her about BM's email and she was upset that her mom said she can't go to college. She was very clear, when she said, BM is not a good parent, she only seems to want to keep me from Dad. I told her I was proud of her for walking away from the argument and going to bed. Her and her dad put the timeline together and when she did that that was when BM sent the two emails to my husband. SD said that this didn't have anything to do with DH it had to do with her questions. I told her these are valid questions you are asking, your mom just has to figure it out. In the meantime, I told her I will no longer lie to you or keep things from you about what is going on with your parents. She was pretty much an adult and has a right to know what is going on in her behalf. I will no longer be nice about BM. If that means that we end up back in court to sue BM because she refuses to pay for college, I will do it. This woman destroyed my marriage and my family all because she wanted to be her daughters friend and we were micromanaging her.

Last night it felt so good for myself and DH to hear that BM has failed miserably and her daughter resents her for not being a stronger parent. BM threatened her and tried to bully her with her conversations all because DH and I asked some questions about college. Her email basically said this was her problem and we could butt out. I am sure she will get in and I offered to pay her app fee if necessary, she said no, she will pay for them. We talked about her paychecks. DH was told that they were being saved for college by BM during that same call about the police. Turns out they are gone, she has saved nothing because she is buying her own food and gas. I understand the gas, since I did the same with BS. But, the food!!!!! Her mother is a pharmacist at a grocery store. Really!!!

DH responded to the emails factually about GPA min and SAT scores and how she should be saving her money for school. Now we are waiting for her response and I am thawing a chicken to roast for dinner tonight. Have to keep putting food in her mouth. We are planning a vacation over Christmas and she is going with....Wow how far we have come from not having seen her in three years to all of this in one month...Nice thing, is DH and I have survived everything BM has done....Now, hopefully with our influence, SD will.