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Support please

Juliska's picture

Submitted by Juliska on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 9:39pm

I feel as though I am losing the last bit of sanity that I am holding on to tightly.
My stepson continues to verbally abuse me and challenge me, insult me and threat e me. My husband will not intervene and direct the discipline towards my step son. This has happened so often I can't even count the times anymore. Which of course has precipitated in some very heated arguments I which both my husband and myself have lost our place in our marriage. Our marriage revolves around the chaos of this adult child. Or so I think.

I have recently been doing some great work with settling the flight or fight response (helped me great last night while my step son called me an f ing bitch. ). But. Today when discussing the issue from last night my husband wanted to blame me for "starting a fight about nothing". I can't even begin to tell you all how many times I've heard this out of his mouth which I realize is a lose lose, so I walk away, say not another thing, and find my own space to relax.

Anyhow. I guess why I'm reaching out is because I know it's not me. I am exhausted from this insanity. I have very little respect for my husband and I am still holding on to that little piece of hope and happiness that I knew we had

I don't know what to do and would value any input. Thanks you

Comments

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 9:43pm

Is the kid in your house when this happens? Call the police and have him removed. If it happens again, call the police, have him removed and file for a restraining order. Your dh can suck it, he is being an asshole by not standing up for you and demanding his kid at least show you basic respect.

Stupidlyoptimistic's picture

Submitted by Stupidlyoptimistic on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 9:46pm

I have no advice as I have not been in a situation like yours, but I just wanted to give you a (((HUG))). How old is your SS? How long has this been going on? I can't understand any man allowing his child to speak to a woman this way, especially his own wife. However, I know several women here have dealt/are dealing with similar situations. I hope you find the advice you need. Sad

Juliska's picture

Submitted by Juliska on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 9:46pm

I know I know I know. It's not an option. This kid calls the police on me all the time. It's embarrassing and a joke. The cops know me in the grocery store. The kid has his dad hosed.

Juliska's picture

Submitted by Juliska on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 9:47pm

Thank you so much for the support.
My heart tells me to leave. My brain says I'm too scared

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 10:08pm

Your head is telling you to leave. So make a plan. Set aside some money. Let SS18 think he has won the battle. The when you have the resources and they are all out of the house, move EVERYTHING you own away, Email DH the reason why and that you will be in touch when you find a divorce attorney.

He will be pissed as all hell for a couple weeks. THEN the cold hard truth that he allowed his son to drive you away will set in. He will come calling. HE will come pleading. Keep him away from you. If you choose to win back your marriage do not go back until a year has gone by and SS18 is out of the house for that time period.

Keep under the radar and do not antagonise the boy again. Let him think he has won. Because the only thing he has won is his father back. And they can all sit in the swamp and croak together.

It is about reclaiming your life away from a hostile environment. And find a counsellor who can help you recover form this abusive situation and teach you how to avoid falling for the same kind of guy again.

FTR: NO ONE deserves to be called names like that. NO ONE. His father is a wimp and an abuser by proxy.

Juliska's picture

Submitted by Juliska on Thu, 11/14/2013 - 10:14pm

You are right. Thank you. I already opened a separate act. Now I have to start putting money in it.
I am going to read what you wrote daily.