One of DH's coworkers gave him a cooler of food because her kids weren't coming home for thanksgiving (she'd apparently stocked up on stuff for them) and she didn't want it to go bad. One of the things had fish in it and no one here eats fish, so I brought it over to my mother's house trying to be nice. (Should have known better)
So, a few hours later, my mother called DH saying how I was trying to kill her. Apparently the fish was expired. Oops. DH explained we had just gotten the food and I'd been trying to be nice by giving it to her. 10 minutes of her saying I was trying to kill her later... he finally got off the phone with her and told me what happened. I laughed and said oops and figured that'd be the end of it.
An hour later, my mother starts banging on my back door. DH goes to answer it and she's gone (she'd come around to the front). I answered the front door and she started waving the package around laughing and saying how I was trying to kill her. (She smelled like vodka but was being friendly enough so I let her in)Then she started talking to BD2 and went and sat on the couch. I was cleaning the kitchen. She made the comment on how my house is a mess. I let it slide. She brought up that I had my breast pump laying out. Yeah, I'd been using it.
Mother:Why are you using it?
DH: Because we're going to a concert tomorrow.
Mother: Why didn't you tell me? When will you be home?
Me: Uh, 10:30ish. I told you a month ago. Remember? I got free tickets.
DH: Yeah, maybe 11 depending on traffic getting out...
Mother: Morning? Night?
DH: At night.
Mother: Oh, so I'm supposed to watch the girls until 10:30 or 11 o'clock and you weren't going to tell me?
DH: No... we got "Friend" to watch them. She's been asking to for a while.
Mother: That's sh*tty of you.
DH: Don't swear in front of my kids and what's the problem?
Mother: I should be watching them! They're my grandkids!
DH: You can barely handle 1 of them for an hour! (Last Tuesday, she brought BD2 home early when I asked her to take her for a few hours because she, meaning my mother, needed a nap.)
Mother: Well, let me tell you, I'm a single mother and I've been helping you guys out as much as I can. I think it's f*cking sh*tty that you are pushing me out of my grandchildren's lives!
DH: I'm not pushing you out of anything. I just didn't think you'd want to watch the girls for 6 and a half hours!
Mother: And let me tell you that it is also f*cking sh*tty that you guys are getting a bunch of free food and you didn't even invite me over for thanksgiving (We won a drawing and are taking the food to TN to visit SMIL and FIL and cheer up SMIL... not that she knows that. Plus, she told me a month ago that she was spending Thanksgiving with my family that disowned me when I got pregnant with BD2 and have barely spoken to me in the past 2 years...) and I think that my stupid, slobbish, b*tchy wh*re of a daughter should know how f*cking sh*tty she is.
DH: Don't speak to or about my wife like that. Get out! *Slams door behind her and locks it*
Mother: *Tries to open the door then starts pounding and yelling* YOU STUPID B*ST*RD! OPEN THIS DOOR! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SH*T!
This would be a good time to mention today is DH's brother's birthday (he died in '96). It's not a good day. DH opened the door alright...
DH: YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU DRUNK B*TCH! I AM DONE WITH YOU CUTTING MY WIFE DOWN AND INSULTING HER. I AM DONE WITH YOU THINKING YOU CAN HURT HER AND GET AWAY WITH IT! GET THE F*** OFF MY PORCH AND STAY THE F*** AWAY FROM MY FAMILY UNTIL YOU CAN SOBER UP.
Mother: YOU F**KING...
I grabbed DH's phone and dialed 911, pulling DH back into the house. "Mom, I'd suggest you leave now."

She left. I walked inside, closed and locked the door, ran to the back door and locked it too, got 2 steps into the kitchen and collapsed to the floor crying.
I want my mom back...