Step sister is dulling her sparkle.
I feel bad because both DH and I have daughters. We will go someplace & without fail someone or several people will tell my daughter how beautiful she is. Sometimes go on and on about it. Now this has happened her whole life. I do NOT put a huge emphasis on beauty. When I complement her or if someone else does, I always add something about her spirit too. "She's also got a great heart!" Or "The outside matches the inside!" My daughter is several years older, so it's not the age... It is just that my daughter is remarkable beautiful. DH daughter, I think is cute. Although when I have brought this subject up with friends & family the response I have gotten 100% of the time is "DH kids are not cute." "DH daughter isn't cute." I feel bad. I'm very protective of the kids emotions & self image. My kids and step kids. I'm careful to not be praising one child over all the others repeatedly. Sometimes you can't escape it, as the steps are poorly behaved. But with looks... I don't do that ever. But others do. All the time. I always look towards SD to see if she looks affected by it. Sometimes she does. I'll give her a shoulder pat or a side hug or change the subject. I've also looked to DH to see his response. He's always smiling, happy to hear complement for my daughter, never looks any less (men haha) sometimes I'll add "thank you, both of our girls are beautiful inside & out." Other times I try to skate on over it. I feel bad, like I'm not letting my daughter shine because I am watching out for step daughter's feelings. I don't know what I could do or should do. Like I said I'm very sensitive to their self images, not wanting to hurt their self esteem.
- Bradymom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
That just about describes our
That just about describes our 2 daughters. Opposite as opposite could be. I don't know as it would be an issue if not for the step situation. Sometimes I think, SD got attention before my kids came in. And she probably did bc she was little. It's the same for our boys. Girls are just generally complemented more tho.
What is it with people
What is it with people telling kids they are beautiful? Sure it is nice to hear the gene pool fell into the right places and the stars were in the right alignment when she was conceived. But are people really THAT clueless how this affects people and kids around them?
Some of the kindest nicest people I know are 'homely'. Others are stunning and awful.
I feel the same. I always
I feel the same. I always complement behavior. "You look like a good helper!"
I don't know how to respond.
I don't know how to respond. I had typed a big response. Then read another hurtful response from a post below. And I had already responded to that same person before I read her hurtful words. Now I'm sitting here crying.
Teach her to say "Thanks. I
Teach her to say "Thanks. I know"
OMG I hope you daughter isn't
OMG I hope you daughter isn't half as arrogant and superficial as you are.
To be concerned about SD
To be concerned about SD feeling left out. All little girls want to feel pretty. That's superficial? Ok. Thanks for the hopes for my daughter.
I can tell you I am
I can tell you I am concerned. I am also not wanting to not constantly be displacing complements toward my daughter bc of not wanting step daughter to get feelings hurt. The title. I had read an article about decor & such, totally unrelated, I used the title. It's a title. That's not the content of emotion in what I wrote. You are correct. They are all individuals. Just like with behavior, appearance also. I try to shield them from the behavior comments as well as what I wrote about complementing appearance. I think I will have to do some thinking & changing my views on "the whole group" verses individuals.
Yes DH has been a lazy
Yes DH has been a lazy parent. And his children show that. Bio mom is a rager parent, that gives guilt rewards after rage & DH is the friend parent. Neither work. Obviously. DH has been disciplining & following thru & we are already seeing positive changes.
WTH is wrong with you? What
WTH is wrong with you? What kind of "adults" sit around and talk about how a KID isn't cute!?! What is this high school? Seriously. That is ridiculous.
I feel so bad for your SD.
*IF* what you say about random people telling come up to your daughter and tell her how pretty she is, is true, again I ask WTH is wrong with you? That is sooooo creepy. I wish a grown adult stranger would approach my daughter with some dumb bs like that. I would be down his/her throat in a minute! And the fact that you think it's cute or a compliment is really disturbing.
Instead of asking questions
Instead of asking questions to gather more information you commit yourself to believing a misunderstanding.