Why do I HAVE to love his kids? Why does he HAVE to love mine? Just pondering...

Isn't it fascinating that simply by virtue of dating or marrying a man with a SK that even though we would never have any relationship with the SKs at all if we ever met them another way, there is this expectation by some people, even sometimes the man himself, that we HAVE to love and care about them? (Posted this as a response on someone else's blog and got me thinking it would make a good blog entry)

If the kid were met in passing or via a mutual friend or in public, wherever, we may choose to avoid them on purpose because they are seriously rotten people and that would be okay. But because I pledge my love to a man (or he to me for that matter), I am supposed to be willing to put myself up for abuse from his kid and he from mine. I find that double standard interesting.

Luckily my FDH is pretty realistic about any faults his kids have and I am about my biokids but for me, it's usually an extended family member or people with no experience with blended families that seem to put this guilt on me.

Thoughts?

SituationalTourettes's blog
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I wish my husband could see

I wish my husband could see your post. This is something that troubles me too. Only in the step dynamic are we expected to embrace behaviors we would never allow in our lives under any other circumstances. It's completely unnatural.

The premise of step life is that a person is capable of developing feelings of love for any random child they come across, because in all actuality, when a child isn't yours they really are just some kid. Are we expected to develop feelings of love for your college roommate's sister's cousin's tennis partner's kid? Of course not. That's ridiculous. Yet that's exactly what a stepmother is expected to do. It's highly unfair.

I've considered this as well.

I've considered this as well. My SO is big on no "forced apologies", because it isn't sincere. Yet he wants to force me to love his children, which also would be insincere.

You absolutely cannot help who you love. Be it someone you are dating, a friend, a family member or a kid.

In my case, the SKs have shitty personalities/traits - if I would to ask my SO if he would still love someone with an ugly attitude he would say no but he still expects me to treat his kids like my own and love them the same.

It just doesn't work for some.

i care more about what

i care more about what happens to my neighbors DOG than what happens to DHs' creature...but that's about it.... }:)

You don't have to love his

You don't have to love his kids and he doesn't have to love yours. If everyone could treat each other respectfully, that's the best.

Im so sorry you have to deal

Im so sorry you have to deal with this

I have to tell you I absolutely love your signature. Not my monkey, not my circus. It was one of the first things I read when I started on StepTalk and I literally bust out laughing. I have adopted it as my own mantra when I am near bitch BM or my future sk's are on my last nerve. I thank you for that - it's been a great help.