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I'm a SM and BM with the Cop perspective.

Cop_Mom's picture

Submitted by Cop_Mom on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 1:58am

Hello Ladies,

I am here to be able to give others advice from the Law Enforcement standpoint on their situations, while also not identifying myself or making that task too easy for one of the BM's I get the pleasure of having to deal with.

I will possibly set up a Q&A thread, similar to one that Runninglawmom had in the Family Court System Forum, but I just have to figure out which forum applies.

While I can not speak for the law in every state, I can maybe hopefully explain some of the actions the police make or do not make when we choose to, or have to, involve them in our situations. I've seen many posts where people think the police have more power than they do or think the police can take enforcement in civil situations.

I've also seen many posts where people need a little advice as far as what information to be able to provide to the police when filing a report or documenting things.

I am a SM to 2 children (2 different BMs) and a BM to 2 children. I have been a Police Officer for 14 years. I get along amazingly well with my kids father. As for my DH's exes....not a chance.

Comments

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 2:19am

Welcome to Step Talk Smile hope you like it here and maybe some of us can help you too.

As for law enforcement, appreciate your service and protection. I get along with cops but I hate border patrol officers. They like to rip my car apart and I wasn't even breaking any laws nor carrying anything illegal. The last time I was coming back from Canada and the guy officer at the border found my handcuffs, he started to play with them while giving me the look.. :sick: I threw that pair away, it wasn't for his grubby fingers and eyes. He finished digging through my car and for no reason. He was truly bored to say the least in my honest opinion. I do respect cops. Wink

Cop_Mom's picture

Submitted by Cop_Mom on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 2:25am

Thank you. That Border Patrol guy with your cuffs and "the look".....uhhhh, creepy! I can only imagine some of the crap they come across in peoples' cars though....so I get why he'd give that creepster look since I bet cuffs are on the low end of the budoir accessories they encounter!

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 12:50pm

Hi,
I'm quite new here too (and a relatively new stepmom). I know that your advice will be well used from what I have read here and personally experienced. I called the cops to our house when the BM came into our home uninvited, refused to leave and then pushed me to the ground in front of her 6 yo daughter. My husband didn't want me to call as he didn't want his daughter to see the cops, but personally I think that witnessing your mother act violently towards someone you care for is worse than seeing cops address that violent behavior. The cops that came were wonderful, very calm and talked us through everything. I was too shocked at the events to press charges and I know my husband is pleased that I didn't. I doubt that BM will repeat her antics and think that the cops talking to her has shocked her into keeping out of my way. My husband has also been doing an excellent job at keeping BM away from the house and me. Just hoping that everything stays calm. I will definitely be pressing charges should anything similar happen in the future.
Anyway, thanks again for offering up your advice here.

Cop_Mom's picture

Submitted by Cop_Mom on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 4:52pm

One good thing about contacting the police is that there is documentation. If someone pushes you down or something similar, you don't have to press charges (and really sometimes its not in the best interest of the greatest good of the entire situation) but it does nevertheless get documented.

When someone has a good paper trail of such things documented, it can greatly assist them in court or in handling things that may come up in the future regarding the other person.

People need to remember to use the police as far as reporting stuff and documenting as an ally to themselves. There are people who overuse it so much that it ends up working against them. For example: I know some people who call literally within 2 minutes after court ordered exchange time to document that the other parent is not there or running late. The repeated action of this makes the other parent seem unreasonable in court.

So what do I do as an officer to document it? I put the situation as it is "John Doe at 8:02pm wished to document that Jane Doe was not at the court agreed exchange location at the court agreed time of 8:00pm. Jane Doe arrived at 8:05pm with the children safely and showed me text messages/phone call log she placed to John Doe at 7:50pm advising she would running a few minutes late for exchange. John Doe still wished this matter to be documented after Jane Doe was only 2 minutes late. Jane Doe was late by a total of 5 minutes according to John Doe's watch and by 4 minutes according to my watch. It was noted Jane gave John notice of this and I explained to both that it is in their best interest to afford the other some latitude in timing regarding prompt exchange times."

Hey, you want something documented? I'm documenting everything that pertains to it....not just the side you want told!

Journey1982's picture

Submitted by Journey1982 on Thu, 01/30/2014 - 5:30pm

You must find it annoying that someone would actually call the police to report that their ex is 2 or 5 minutes late. I wish people would start using common sense.