He is dating a girl 23 YEARS YOUNGER than him.....ugh. And he still wants me back.
I haven't posted in forever. I broke it off with ex-so back in November. He allowed for XSD18 to yell at the top of her lungs at me and he told us both to shut up. Instead of putting her ungrateful, disrespectful ass in place. He gave her the power to talk to me that way. At that point I said "Fuck this shit I am too young for this!" So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the man is now dating a girl that is 23 years younger than him! Pathetic. But then again what am I to expect when I was younger than him.....
I feel like an idiot for sticking around for so long. I threw away 7 years of my life for them. I now feel like a loser. I really do. I should have stayed put and not have moved in with him and his kids that did not see their BM because she refused to follow the court order. I could have finished school but my dumbass concentrated on him, his kids and his business. I got a license in a career that does not guarantee you a steady income. What was I thinking?!!? I feel so lost with myself now. I have no goals in life. So many issues. One of my many issues of mine is that I feel the need to still keep in contact with him. I can't keep him blocked from my phone!!!!!!
He owes about $13k on MY credit cards. I am sure this girl that is younger than him thinks he has money. Uh, he doesn't! I've learned now that dating much older men when you are young like in your 20's and early 30's is NOT worth it! He wants us to give each other a second chance...It would consists of us getting married and having a kid together. Why in the hell would I want to do that?!?! He was a shitty father to his own kids. All I heard from them was "Dad never listens to us" yeah, he wouldn't.
I am venting!!!!! I think this girl is an idiot for wanting to date a man more than 20 years older than her with 3 kids.....but not my problem!
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Comments
Eww! Good riddance to bad
Eww! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Oh but she is pretty!!!
Oh but she is pretty!!!
Again, I agree with sueu2.
Again, I agree with sueu2.
We all make mistakes. Nobody gets through life without them. Once we've realized them, all we can do is learn the lesson(s) & carry them forward, keeping them in mind to make better decisions in the future.
Hopefully this has helped you experience some real growth. Obviously it's helped you realize that you deserve better than he was willing to give you. If not, you wouldn't have left. That is all the reason you need to cut him out. He doesn't deserve your love or attention. He doesn't deserve your time.
You deserve your love. You deserve your attention, & you deserve your time. Don't give it up for someone who has made it clear that he doesn't give a shit.
Let the old man do his thing. You focus on doing yours.
Don't waste your time keeping tabs on him & what's he's doing & who he's with. She'll likely come to realize the same things about him as you have. Like it did with you, it will only take time.
Be glad it only took you 7 years to see it & you didn't lose an 8th.
You have an incredible opportunity to shape a whole future. You have an opportunity to start fresh & make life what YOU want it to be. No need to consult a partner. No need to compromise on things that are important to you. No need to come out on the back end of something feeling short-changed, because you can mold your new path into anything you want it to be.
As you meet new men, consider what you've learned & be picky, & like sueu2 said, never love a man more than you love yourself.
Don't waste your time being critical about what's already done. It can't be undone. You can only use it to better your future.
The next time you feel weak
The next time you feel weak and want to contact him again, go instead to your local library (leave your phone at home) and look for some books on setting personal goals. This will keep your mind occupied plus probably make you feel better for moving onwards and upwards!
As far as wasting 7 years? You didn't. You found out what you can and cannot tolerate and how to make your next relationship better. The only time you waste is the time when you talk to this jackass now.
Good point/advice. Reading
Good point/advice. Reading books to help better myself is a lot cheaper than going to counseling. I had to cancel my health insurance that he paid for since I can't afford it on my own.
I try hard to not feel bad for him. He begged for me to go back to him. Must remember everything we went through and everything I put up with.
Thank you sueu2 and
Thank you sueu2 and stormabruin. It is hard for me to not focus on the past. I know I need to let go of the past in order for me to move on. But it doesn't help when the man is still contacting me and asking for me to go back. Because of the credit card issue we have to stay in contact at least by email.
I don't get it with him. Our relationship turned physically and emotionally abusive. The relationship caused for me to become extremely insecure and have low self-esteem. But I would always go back to him. I was told that I am addicted to the arguing with him and that is why I still feel the need to stay in contact with him.
I went to counseling when I was with him and I was told that we were a recipe for disaster. That I was co-dependent and that I needed to get out. Did I listen? No. It took for his daughter to yell at me claiming that I cause for her to have panic attacks and I am soooooo mean to her for me to finally said I am out.
I am working on myself now. Trying to at least.
Can I ask how you know that
Can I ask how you know that his new girl is 23 years younger than he is?
Is it something he made a point to announce, or is it something you asked?
I also suggest that your
I also suggest that your contact be done via email & be kept to the business of the credit card. You know he's not good for you. Don't give him the opportunity to take you down memory lane. Don't offer him a chance to make you feel guilty. Don't allow him to put his hurt feelings on you.
He had plenty of opportunity to appreciate you & respect you & love you. He abused it & will continue to do so.
Limit conversation to email & make it about business. If he abuses that rule, contact stops altogether & you deal with the credit card business legally.
HE OWES YOU THAT. You owe him nothing.
He texted me on Sunday
He texted me on Sunday telling me how is life is changing fast.....I made the mistake of replying and asking how. I guess the girl told him that she cares about him and he got to thinking about us. He wants a second chance. Way too late. Plus the age difference between him and I was starting to bother me. Didn't feel right. To be honest, never did feel right. I feel bad for staying in that relationship for so long.
I have changed a lot of my ways. I no longer drink. I had to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic. He didn't help out at all. We only had fun if there was alcohol involved. I remember one day last summer we went fishing to the river. He stopped and bought a pack of beer to drink on the way. Yeah, it was like that between us. I would drink to the point of blacking out....Not too proud of myself. I had what I call "episodes". There was always alcohol involved when I had these episodes. My last one I am so grateful for the fact that he did not call the cops or else I would have been behind bars. I don't understand why he would put up with me.
I had to go pick up a few things that I left behind and I mentioned to him how I no longer drink....The man asked me if I wanted to have a drink!!!!! Asked me what the big deal was and said that I wasn't going to go to hell for it. He only drinks on the weekends now. Good to know.
That is so crazy. I am
That is so crazy. I am ashamed of myself because of those episodes. One of my episodes was so bad he had to call my family that lived in another state and they drove out in the middle of the night to pick me up and take me back home. What did I do?!?! I went back! And continued having episodes.....They came about once a year and alcohol was always involved. It was all of my pent up anger. Last year was bad. I had a lot of black outs. If I would have stayed with him I would have continued drinking to the point of blacking out.
That is exactly what I am
That is exactly what I am being told also. That he has control issues. But I guess my pride doesn't want to allow me to admit that to myself. All I think of is, well, he was kind and thoughtful, when things WERE good between us.
I tried transferring the
I tried transferring the responsibility to him and he was denied! Great. So I am not removing him from the credit card until he pays it off. Last month if I would not have asked he was just not going to make a payment to one of the credit cards. I was sooooooo mad. The freaking minimum payment was $72! If he can't afford $72 he has no business going out on dates. Stay home!
Wow.....At one point he went
Wow.....At one point he went as far as saying that MAYBE he was going to make payments on the credit cards. He charged them up after I helped pay them off! And then he tried claiming it was my debt too! NO!
Everything was his. Nothing was mine. If I would buy myself something, it was he who bought and paid for it. Hated that about him! He made me feel as if I couldn't make anything of myself. I got to the point were I didn't even like talking to him.
My biggest mistake was working for him and not taking a paycheck or saving money. So regret doing that. He would leave to tend to his other business in another country and I would get to stay behind and take care of his kids. Teenagers.....Last year in May his son cussed me out and said that I had ruined his childhood. I was stuck home alone with him for 2 weeks and then his dad came home for a week and left again for another 2 weeks. I resented them all. I got tired of being constantly angry, resentful and bitter all the time. He deprived me of so many things, all because of what his exwife put him through. So unfair to me.
Ex got his ego stroked while
Ex got his ego stroked while I got my ego wounded every time people would find out of the age difference. Should have gotten the hint.
I use to have an old
I use to have an old saying...you can FUCK with my heart but do not FUCK with my money! This guy is a sponge. I know being alone can be tough. You need to cancel all accounts and credit cards. Talk to a lawyer. You may or may not get your money back. You have invested time and have big credit card bills due to this boy in a man's body. See him for who he is....and NOT what he is. LOVE YOURSELF! Hang in there. HUGS! AND stick with AA meetings.
She's fairly close in age to
She's fairly close in age to XSD, I take it? She'll be wondering what persuaded her to step in this pile of mud very soon.
I'm so, so glad you ditched the horror stories better known as ex-so and XSD.