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BM absentee for 15 years now in pivotal role.

HappywhereIam's picture

Submitted by HappywhereIam on Fri, 03/14/2014 - 4:07pm

:sick: I just want to know if this has ever happened to any of you. I raised my stepkids from the time they were 5 and 7. Their BM dropped them off at my home 3 months after DH and I were married. She was with her new boyfriend and they were moving 2,000 miles away. For 15 years she had almost no interaction with them other than a once a week phone call. No money ever given to help them be raised. SD got married and the minute BM found out she was pregnant, she moved in for the kill. She told SD she should not having anything to do with me. She is the BM and actual grandmother to baby, not me. She has somehow persuaded the mother-in-law to have nothing to do with me either. "Three mothers is too much, it's just better with me, the acutual mom and you as SIL's mom." Who does something like this and I cannot believe SD and her MIL have followed her lead. Do bio moms have this much pull? I never had my own children so I can't compare.

Comments

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 03/14/2014 - 8:09pm

I would tell this to SD to her face. You ARE her mother. You raised her. Let her know how much she hurt you

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Fri, 03/14/2014 - 6:06pm

I sort of disagree with you on this one.

The SD and the MIL are adults.

Why I sympathize with the confusion the SD is feeling right now, she is accountable for her actions regardless of the past.

She's old enough to have a child, then she's old enough to make the right life choices.

The MIL is just a plain, old fidiot.

The BM should be drawn and quartered.

Sparklelady's picture

Submitted by Sparklelady on Fri, 03/14/2014 - 6:18pm

I agree with aswang, because I WAS that daughter. Not quite the same circumstances, but when my dad popped back into my life after 8 years, I was over the moon. Eventually, it settled down, but I was so happy when he contacted me - I'm not sure if it's something someone on the outside can understand. I'm sorry you're being hurt by this, it's so unfortunate the BM is being such an ass. You deserve better. And really, she could have had a good relationship with her daughter without crapping on you - that's just terrible.

Yosemite's picture

Submitted by Yosemite on Fri, 03/14/2014 - 7:29pm

This has happened to me.
I took in my AD now 20 as a teen because she was in CPS custody. Her BM had abandoned her and actually said during a telephonic appearance in court knowing her daughter (not to mention a judge and CPS!) was there that she had her own problems to worry about and she did not care what happened to AD.
I ultimately wound up adopting AD. AD is a wild child and we dealt with lots of issues.
AD eventually had a baby and when the baby was about 5mos or so, BM suddenly decided she wanted a do over with the grandkid. BM convinced AD and her girlfriend to move in to an apt with BM as roomates, then she wouldn't pay any of the bills! BM wanted AD and her girlfriend to take care of her.
The whole situation went up in smoke but it hurt me for awhile because at first I felt cast aside like crutches once the broken leg is healed.
Now AD talks to both BM and I, but she realizes BM is not capable of taking care of or being there for anyone else. BM can't even take care of herself.

HappywhereIam's picture

Submitted by HappywhereIam on Mon, 03/17/2014 - 1:34pm

Thanks to you all. I appreciate all of your comments. I was totally destroyed at first, then I started to get mad. She told her father I could not come to any events, she would not take my calls, so I sent her a letter, 2 pages that my therapist made me write 6 different times, to get the anger out. I just told her I understood that she had abandonment issues and if she did not seek help, she would be doing the exact same thing to her child. I still have a hole in my heart but God knows, she would be no where without me in her life. I will not be a part of her life and I know, it will never be as rich a life with her BM in it then it would have been with me. Thanks again for all of your support.