So frustrated with DH...Today should be a good day and he has to pee all up in my cheerios!
I swear...SD18 turned 18 today and I am thrilled about it. Said something to DH last night and it went over like a ton of bricks. He made me feel bad for being happy about it. There was a time with all the court battles and BM crap where we were both fantasizing about this day. He feels bad that she is an out of control kid and his relationship with her sucks. I pointed out that is on BM and not him and this day gets us one step closer to never having to deal with BM again.
He said he feels sad that this is who she is. I got blunt because he has been an ass since he got back from his trip and told him look I am thrilled about this and just because you no longer are and you didn't tell me it bothered you, I will not feel bad for being in a good mood and wanting to celebrate. Everything changed for me because of the looming of BM wanting to sue us. I couldn't have you on my Incorporation for my business, I have had to continually worry about taxes every year, thinking if we should file separate so BM can't get to see my income. Your daughter could have some damn catastrophe and we would get sued because we still had legal custody, but had no say in how she was raised. I will not feel bad for being happy about a lot of these thoughts and worries are going away.
Then because he is whining about money and paying for SS15 college earlier in the night and because I was on a roll, I said you know she is 18 and you can go and sue her and get CS for SS. He said no, it would only benefit the lawyers. It was non-negotiable and he wouldn't discuss it. Sure, now you don't want to stick it to the bitch, but she had no problem going after you countless times. I pointed out that you would have an extra 20K in the bank if you hadn't had to go to court for SD18. You would have the money to send SS to school without a problem.
Honestly, I have waited for this day and he is killing my buzz, trying to make me feel guilty for being happy that we are one step closer to being rid of BM. SS is never going to want to live with her and their relationship is superficial at best. She is almost a non-factor. Anything we do for SD now, is because we want to, not because we have to and I will not feel bad about this. I intend to make sure he knows how happy I am about this. So he gets it before he sees her for dinner tomorrow. I told him he can not give her anything and no expensive restaurant since he is complaining about money. You do not get to make me feel bad for this one.
BM and SD are not in this household, but somehow still manage to suck the life out of it. I can't put that I am happy on Facebook because it would upset him and I am sure everyone is still so clueless of how much liability a Stepparent has over their stepkids. So if I put it on there, the inquiries would be amazing. Thankfully, I am not friends with BM and SD so that I can not see all the well wishes, because I would be so tempted to say welcome to adulthood, everything you do now is on you.
Vent over. I am still planning on having a cocktail tomorrow with my friends and buying some special shots to take with to do after a good hole.
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SS is 21. BM still manages to
SS is 21. BM still manages to text my DH to tell him to please call and bless his son because he is going on an airplane. I have a feeling the Skids will be 50 with grandkids and we will STILL have to hear from that crazy poptart.
Enjoy yourself and screw him trying to be a debby downer.
You totally deserve to
You totally deserve to celebrate. Your husband does too. What is with these guys? I suspect my husband will get a little melancholy about it too...if we survive to see the day.
Hopefully, he will pull his
Hopefully, he will pull his head out of his ass soon.
Her turning 18 and BM not having her to hold over your heads, may even help his relationship with her.
I do like that answer...That
I do like that answer...That is what I need to say to him. Is maybe now, with her 18, you can have an honest relationship with her and if she chooses to let you in, you can be the influence you want to be now that BM is not standing in the way.
Your story sounds just like
Your story sounds just like mine I was so happy a year ago when SS turned 18 because I felt like it is one day closer to not having to ever hear from BM again.
DH hates that his son has very little to nothing to do with him and I hate that we still hear from BM.
Will it ever end? With my DH and SS's BM, I am beginning to seriously doubt it.
DH would have to be the one to end it and I am not sure sometimes that will ever happen. He thinks that is his link to SS.
When my SD turned 18, I
When my SD turned 18, I planned a celebratory lunch with one of by best girlfriends that also has skids. We went to a fancy place I wanted to try and had the works. It was a present to myself after years of putting up with all the crap that comes with an Skid. Never told DH about my little party. Even though at the end SD was a disaster, into drugs, dropping out, a generally awful person to be around-- I knew he just wasn't going to be able to not get a little insulted that I would celebrate being able to end CS, never having to deal with BM again, and also have no more responsibility and EOW visits from SD. I think for a bio-parent, there is no way to completely give up on the skid or not feel some guilt despite best efforts. DH can rant and rave about BM and SD, but if I start in on SD he can flip to defensive mode (also BM is always fair game). So I celebrated with the friend that had helped me survive all the years of pain and drama. Figured she would appreciate the celebration as deserved something for all the moral support. It was a blast and is still our secret!
I know and I plan on doing
I know and I plan on doing that tomorrow with my girl friends. But, honestly, I expected a different reaction, given that he has been looking forward to this before now. I am sorry, his relationship is not what it should be and BM is to blame for that. I hope he can see that. I think this is about a couple of other things as well. My business is going through some great successes and I think he may be starting to resent that.
Same here...it will never
Same here...it will never end. Skids are 20 and 25, still hear from BM all the time. It will never end for us. Someday there will be grandkids and I'm not looking forward to that...it will just give her another reason to contact SO. BM is all about the 'one big happy family'...makes her look good to the kids and makes her feel better about cheating on SO, rubbing it in his face and breaking up their family.
For anyone who has a skid
For anyone who has a skid over majority age and BM still contacts your DH about them? That is ALL on your DH. The last time we ever had to hear from the crazy one, was almost two years ago which was about a year and a half before the younger one aged out.
It is all about appropriate boundaries. When the skid is over 18 and BM has less of a stranglehold, it should be on the two adults to care for their relationship. BM is not a part of that relationship.