I swear that girl can ruin a good day....VENT
My BS and I had bought DH tickets for a concert for Father's Day that he wanted to go to with him. They both get into these indie bands and so I bought them tickets for a concert at the end of the month. He tells me he can't go, he has to go to SD18 graduation that night.
Seriously, I am not going with. You are on your own with that. She can only see you once every two months if she feels like it. So because she affected my day, I just affected his and hers. I told him about the Yik Yak app and that there is some nasty stuff on there. All in concern for her being bullied and with her mental state, you never know what could happen. Brat...I hope he gets disgusted and stays even further away. My SS15 was mentioned in this crap. This app is pure evil and it is bullying, but I am sure she brought it on herself. The disgusting things they are saying, you got that reputation.
Seriously pissed at the damn situation. The kid was excited to do this with him. He will have to take a friend and I am out the 60 bucks....
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I hear that! Bought 2 tix
I hear that! Bought 2 tix for my guy and I for a band. His daughter is with her mom that day, so I didn't get one for her. She clears it with Mom, so I get another ticket at my guy's urging. The kid has a school function that day, so I guess I will have to eat the other ticket. It wasn't overly expensive, but the point is, if he is gonna push me to get another ticket for the kid, he's better make darn sure she's there. Oh well, lesson learned.
Shoot me if you want to....
Shoot me if you want to.... but I think planning something for your DH that would cause his to miss his daughters graduation (regardless of how she acts or acted in the past) is a horrible and selfish idea, and I can't imagine you don't see what a difficult situation of "choosing" you just put him into.
Good for him. If my Dad failed to show at my graduation, I'd never forgive him, even IF there had been bad blood and rocky waters in the past. Come on, miss her graduation... for a concert??? You had to know inside that this was not fair.
You are being the nasty one this time, not SD. My lord!
It starts at 7:00 PM and is
It starts at 7:00 PM and is two hours long.
How was I supposed to know?
How was I supposed to know? She doesn't talk to us....
The graduation is at 7:00 PM.
The graduation is at 7:00 PM. Honestly, did not know or I wouldn't have done it. But, here is the thing, she is failing 4 out of 6 classes, but they will probably push her through since the school has a 98% graduation rate and they are not going to let her screw it up.
I am mad about the situation. I would expect him to go, but I am not. Also, he didn't even go to his own HS or College graduation. He said they are stupid all these years and didn't understand why we made a big deal out of BS's last year. Well, he was an honor student that got accepted to a prestigious school with a full tuition scholarship. How do you celebrate a kid that shouldn't be graduating?
Tommar - Jsmom didn't say he
Tommar - Jsmom didn't say he shouldn't go just that she was upset that it ruined the gift. Now if it were me I would be pissed as hell that he would rather go to this little brats graduation than to go to the concert. This SD is just a ball of crazy and shows no empathy for others. So lets blow off the kid who actually wants to spend time with him to do what...be a doormat for an ungrateful twit? You have this all wrong here you really should read some of the things this Sd has done to Jsmom and her family!
You say that op's DH will
You say that op's DH will regret if he doesn't go because Sd might become a better person in her later years. Well for that to happen she needs to be held accountable for the shit she has pulled. If she becomes a better person then she will realize why her Dad didn't go. These are my thoughts not Jsmom. OP was only venting how annoyed she was that the gift was ruined not that her Dh was going to the graduation.
Hollow there is truth in
Hollow there is truth in that, but how are they suppose to know how she feels when she wont speak to them? I agree he has no obligation to sit there.
My SD turned 14 and sued us
My SD turned 14 and sued us to live with her mom. DH sees her once in awhile for lunch. That is it. In Dec we took her on a very expensive vacation trying again and she got tired of sightseeing and tried to hit me in Greenwich village, so we put her on a plane home, which is what she wanted all along so she could get back for a NYE party. Thanks to twitter, we know when we have been played.
She and DH had one dinner last month since December and she texted him that she wanted him to go to graduation and have more dinners. Nothing since then and he has texted back.
I am sure she wants a gift and loves the attention. She is bi-polar and not medicated because BM lacks any consistency and that is why she can not come to the house. She has to apologize for the extra money we spent bringing her on vacation and ruining it. Her behavior is what is bad and I will not condone it.
I have always encouraged him to see her, just not here. Not with my BS and SS in our lives and they are embarrassed by her. She turned 18 three weeks ago and got a belly ring, nose ring and tattoo. I think that may be why she is avoiding DH again.
^^This answers that
^^This answers that
Jsmom - you have every right
Jsmom - you have every right to be upset about this situation. I am mad for you! I just can not stand when one child is excited about being with a parent and that parent seeks out the child who wants nothing to do with them. Can we say rewarding bad behavior! I know this is not why you are mad, but it makes me furious.
BS will go to the concert
BS will go to the concert with a friend. I would go, but I don't know the band. As for DH, I do think he should go. He will sit there for 2 hours in a football stadium by himself and then he will go try and find her to get a picture and then will come home. She will take the picture and act like everything is great. She always does in public. Her friends have been told only what makes her look good. BTDT and have been embarrassed publicly by moms that thought I was abusing her.
I have told him that I think her and him doing this meal thing once in awhile is not working. He has seen her once since her public meltdown in NY on vacation that required us to send her home. They need consistency. One day a week at the same time. It would solve several issues, he would be more checked in for when she does flunk out of college and I would not get upset when it ruins my plans as it has done so many times.
I am just tired of this girl affecting our lives and she doesn't even live with us.
My DH and SD are doing the
My DH and SD are doing the meal thing as well. They have just started the once a week meal and I tell you I get so tired of the "therapy sessions" that go on after their "date." I wish I wouldn't have mentioned them going out more often. I would go back to the twice a month deal anytime! LOL
Even if SD is a total bitch
Even if SD is a total bitch and even if DH is a horrible parent he is going to go to her graduation because that is what he feels like he HAS to do.
And honestly it is her graduation. It's one of those big milestones where even some of the worse parent pull their heads out of the sand and make sure they attend so they can say "Oh I raised a daughter who graduated from school." "Oh so proud to see my daughter graduate from school."
Timing sucks. Not your fault. You didnt know. I get the "go figure"... that same shit happens to me.
Literally all day yesterday I was running around- work for a few hours, 2 doc appointments, outdoor volunteer event, soccer game. So after soccer I really wanted to drop BS off with DH so I could run to the store without the extra baggage (BS) for 30 minutes, that is all. DH says "I have to help MSD move a dresser."
And who am I to say Well you can't wait, why cant take BS with you, cant you do it when I get back in 30 minutes? Because afterall it's HIS daughter and her NEEDS/WANTS come right NOW and obvviously she needed this damn dresser. And he would be a BAD dad if he didnt go and help her during that freakin 30 minute time frame. But I thought the same thing- go figure.
(((HUGS)))
And who am I to say Well you
And who am I to say Well you can't wait, why cant take BS with you, cant you do it when I get back in 30 minutes? Because afterall it's HIS daughter and her NEEDS/WANTS come right NOW and obvviously she needed this damn dresser.
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Oh I would have said all of those things. Especially the way your Dh has been acting.
Right Patsy! I was so
Right Patsy! I was so dumbfounded. Like I will be at the house in 3 minutes, I will be gone for a total of maybe 30 minutes??? and you cant even watch BS for that long? Im going to get some damn food so we can all eat...
Sorry to highjack the OP. :-0
BTW Graduations are AWFUL.
BTW Graduations are AWFUL. Your own kid or not. They are so dang boring. He is going to suffer sitting there. Same thing will be happening with my DH soon!
No kidding and this one is on
No kidding and this one is on a football field. You can't video from so far away and can't see your kid. THe pics are awful that they took and the speeches are awful. BS19's was miserable and I had a ton of family there. One very proud family. I get why we celebrated him, but this just feels hypocritical of DH and I told him that. I agree he should go and told him so, but I don't have to like that she keeps affecting our day to day life when she won't even be a part of our lives.
Oh I understand... man lets
Oh I understand... man lets pray that it is like 100+ degrees and miserably hot.
Oh boy! She made it through
Oh boy! She made it through high school! Since when was that such a big deal? Where I come from it is expected. Her grades show she herself was not that interested in her "milestone".
My kid isn't like the hell
My kid isn't like the hell spawn that Op's SD is! IF she was I wouldnt go. She would have to walk to the ceremony! Have you even taken the time to read jsmom's blogs?
I think I know where you are
I think I know where you are coming from. Why should your DH go to any event to do with her when she cant be troubled to visit except once very 2 months? I have a SD that does this as well, but she will call more and more when she wants something. I get it, I really do. I must say this probably would have been a situation that I would have been put in, but instead the SD dropped out of high school.
I have no intention of going.
I have no intention of going. She would have a stroke if she saw me. She tried to hit me and threatened to kill me during our last encounter when I was talked into taking her on vacation.
At no point have I said he shouldn't go, I just find it rather hypocritical of him, given the crap he gave me for BS last year. Really the only reason he went was because it would look odd to all the family coming in for it.
If she even gave a half a crap about this family, I would try again. But, as long as she is only focused on herself and not medicated, she is not a part of my life or my son's lives and yes I consider her brother my son since I am the one raising him everyday and not BM. He doesn't call me mom, that would be wrong.
But, after all of this today, in the mail her graduation announcement came. Nothing inside of it, but a formal invitation to the graduation. She was on Twitter last month talking about the invites for her party and that she ordered a couple hundred, so it sounds like DH didn't get included in that. He wouldn't have gone regardless. He has written BM off completely and wouldn't stand anywhere near her.
Tommar - OMG! This is what
Tommar - OMG! This is what you aren't getting HE SHOULD MISS IT BECAUSE HIS DAUGHTER THREATEND HIS WIFE'S LIFE. It really doesn't have much to do about the concert. You really should open your mind to her situation more. I feel you may change your mind on how important it is for her DH to be there if you would read some of OP's blogs.
Give up...Patsy. Unless you
Give up...Patsy. Unless you have read the back story, you wouldn't understand it and would think I am being a bitch about this. I do think he should go. But, I will not go and he right now, is just going to go and make sure she knows he is there. That is all he can do. He can make sure that when her life falls apart and it will, that she remembers that she has a dad. She will not live here, but he can help her.
She is such a damaged little girl and I feel sorry for her. She needs parenting so bad and doesn't even realize it. My husband loves me and values our marriage and knows I tried again and will not do it again unless there is a drastic change. He is smart enough to know that after what happened on vacation, that he will not try again to bring her back into the family.
We are going on a huge vacation again this year that I am paying for and she is not welcome. I have told him, do not come to me before we leave and ask if she can come. He agreed. He feels fine with the decision, because he knows we tried to include her and she is the one who can not be part of a good family. I think I have PTSD from dealing with this girl and her mother.
I feel bad for my husband, he doesn't even want to ask if she will meet for lunch this week, because then BM tries to see SS15 and it is Mother's Day and he doesn't even want to open that up. So he will text her on Monday. It is all a game of cat and mouse and I for one will be thrilled when SS turns 18. As it is he gets his license this summer and I am giving him BS's car and giving him mine, so at least he can drive himself to a restaurant and that woman never has to be in my driveway again...
Ok I give up I just think
Ok I give up
I just think you are a remarkable woman for the things you have done. I will never forget the night I decided to read all your blogs I was in tears. You have such a good heart.
Thanks! God knows I have
Thanks! God knows I have tried with this girl. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop...If my business wasn't doing as good as it is, I would be depressed again over the situation at Christmas.
Thanks again. I really think you can not understand all of our stories unless you read the blogs. I try and go back and read if I don't understand why the SM is so angry. It gives a better picture. This website has been such a blessing.