DH and I have been having some "issues" when it comes to my Ex.

Ex lives about 45 minutes away. He works weekends. He doesnt have a car.

Since he works weekends he doesnt see BS EOW. He is a server/bartender so he cant take weekends off that often otherwise he will lose money. He sees him on holidays and maybe once every 6 weeks (sometimes longer) during the school year. During summer break, he does go with his dad more often and during the week. I make sure that if he wants to see him, that he gets to see him.

Usually Ex will get a ride and we will meet half way for pick up/drop off. No biggie and it works.

On occasion I have drove all the way and dropped off BS to his dad's house. This is usually when I have plans and Ex is keeping BS and it just makes it easier all around. Ex doesnt have to find a ride and we both dont have to be on someone else's schedule on when meeting up to exchange BS. I can just drop him off when needed and be on my way.

So this past weekend was one of those weekends. DH and I were going to a concer/camping thing and Ex had BS. I offered to drop BS off at Ex's house since I wasnt really sure what time we were leaving and that way we didnt have to be on anyone else's schedule.

Well DH starts saying crap about how its b.s that we drop him off. Ex should come and get him. Or ex should take a taxi and meet us half way if he cant find a ride. So basically he starts our fun weekend off with being an ass about Ex and bitching about it.

My Ex and I are cordial. I try to work with him to see BS. Him living 45 minutes away (he moved away after we split up) and him not having a car (he had a DUI, long story), him losing his M-F job and only being able to find work as a server... those are all his own fault. But I like to think of myself as a nice person and try not to make things any harder on him. While I dont owe him anything, I just try to do the right thing for our son.

Ex owes $9000 in back child support. DH uses this against him in that he is a deadbeat dad, a loser, etc. He doesnt say anything directly to him, but does to me. I am working on the child support issue. However, DH doesn't pay for anything for BS, so its not like the lack of CS is affecting his pockets. I make enough to pay the bills and cover BS's extras.

Yesterday I was talking to Ex on the phone trying to make a plan for when to get BS back. Ex's mom is in town and wanted to keep BS a few extra days so we were trying to figure out a plan. We were on the phone maybe 10 minutes and talking about BS and the schedule the whole time. Ex starts in about "Geez gonna have a conversation for 20 mins, blah blah bitch bitch, blah blah"

I'm frustrated in that I am trying to do the right thing. Ex and I are cordial. I keep it that way for the sake of BS. I do do way more for BS then Ex does. But again, I do it for the sake of BS.

BM is a total bitch. She has raised the skids talking shit about DH all the time. As a BM she is the opposite of me. She is always looking for ways to get more money out of DH, looking for ways to cause trouble, looking for ways to stir the pot. When the skids were younger she made it very difficult for DH to see them.

BM and DH are not cordial at all. Overall DH just doesnt care to talk to her. But mainly BM is so crazy that DH CANT be cordial with her. They have ZERO contact with each other. 3/4 skids are adults. But they do not communicate at all when it comes to YSD15.

I'm trying to understand my DH's feelings here. I dont want to dismiss them. But I almost feel like he is being difficult just to be difficult. Or because his situation is so much different then mine.

I just want to make sure my BS has a relationship with his dad and I dont have to worry about DH being a jerk about it.

I have been feeling uncomfortable in even dealing with my Ex when DH is around. Like if he is calling to ask about BS, I want to go outside and talk on the phone so DH doesnt say stupid stuff.

I think DH is dealing with a lot in that he is the main male role model in BS's life, since his dad really isnt around that often. Yet he is "just" the SD. He wants all or nothing almost. Maybe not that extreme, but you get the idea. BS is very good to DH though and respects him and wants to do things with him. I think BS looks at it like he has 2 dads.... I think that DH is maybe a little jealous of Ex.

Also DH has been having issues with his own kids and their relationship together.

So any thoughts on how to help DH work though this....

thanks!