I've thought about it. I don't know why these thoughts have crossed my mind, but they have.

I would absolutely ban BM from the funeral. She has done nothing but make our lives hell since we got married. I'd obviously want my SD there, so I would have my MIL bring her.

I also know that BM would make life hell long after my husband died. She would come after me for continued child support.

Oh I know my mine wold be there. Likely asking me when she gets her money and giving me the big fake crocodile tears.

If BM died? I actually think DH would go. And I would be mad. It would be a fight of epic proportions.

I called my DH on the way home from the funeral and told him the story. I also asked him if I had to let Krazy (BM) attend his funeral if her passed away while Snowflake is still a minor.

He didn't want to talk about it - thought it was morbid. I did tell him I would punch Krazy in the nose if she tried that a stunt like that with me.

Mine would be there but not out of concern for her boys or SO but to as usual play the victim and get the attention. I can see her throwing herself on the casket sobbing my poor babies their daddy is gone, what will they do without their daddy. So all the attention and pity would be on her. FUCKING TOOL. Yes if I had a say I would ban that gold digging, knuckle dragging unemployed loser swamp cunt. Bet your sweet ass. And if god forbid something happened in the here and now I would have full control since SO hasn't spoken to his alcoholic bi polar mother in over a year and a half. (long story).

She'd probably send a condolence card, but wouldn't come to the funeral.

No I don't think BM would in our case. MIL would bring SD of course, but I seriously think BM would know better than to darken the doors of the funeral home. She put DH through hell and is always after him for more money, so she is well aware that no one in DH's family cares for her. And she's so childish she wouldn't even consider it "the right thing to do for SD" so nope.

BM would only go to see where her money was. I'd prepare a card for her with instructions for her trip to hell and then to the SS office for her to apply for death benefits. She wouldn't bring the skids as they are too delicate to handle a funeral for their Dad.

If BM died I'm sure we'd go, just to make sure it was true, and to support the skids. BM's mother would make a scene about how BM wants her boys raised by her and demand CS from DH. DH would not allow a scene and take the skids home with him.

I thought of this often when I was married to my exH.BM is SO over the top and dramatic she'd turn his funeral into the BM SHOW.In my mind I would have let her attend and given her a chance.If she started with her over the top performance of grieving exwife I would have booted her ass out.

I have 2 ex-husbands - only had kids with the first husband. If he died I would not attend the service, two of my kids are teenagers and can look after the 10 year old. My ex has remarried and had 2 more kids so it would not be proper for me to be there.

My second husband and I are great friends and he and my current DH are friends as well. He has no family here in the US so if he passed suddenly then more than likely I would be in charge of his service and would take care of his estate.

I was telling a friend this story and I told her that if my DH passed and his ex tried a stunt like this I would march my ass up on the podium and punch her in the nose.

Yes. She's the mother of his young children. They would be devastated and would need their Mom there. I wouldn't be in the way of that at all.

No. DH and BM were never married and she has made his life hell. DH and i talked about this and he would want her banned.

I think BM should be there if the kids are under 18 for moral support. Would she sit with the family in the front row? No. But if she can be discreet and sit behind them that's fine. Also, if the kids want to sit with her, then let them.

If they are over 18, then she should sit quietly in the back and allow the true mourners to grieve over the loss.

H and I have discussed this many times. He doesn't want a funeral. He wants to be cremated and wants a wake. That's it. And only family and friends will be invited to that. Skid is nearly 19 and Uberskank is welcome if she can afford the plane ticket from Hades.

ETA - I'd leave it to DH to decide if he'd attend Uberskank's service. He may do it to support skid, but he'd otherwise be uninterested.

I doubt my exAsshole would show up to mine, but I'd leave that to H to decide.

I would not attend his service.

I have to tell you all about a funeral I went to recently. My dear friend's husband passed. I did not know her husband well but I went to support her. During the calling hours I met her husband's step children, his dead wife's sisters and nieces and nephews. Everyone was just wonderful to everyone.

Shocking to me in my present situation but it was lovely. We all came together to honor his life and to support his wife (my dear friend). He was a kind man who was loved by many.

It can be done in a nice way. I can honestly say that I've never been to a funeral like this before and probably won't see again.

Oh yeah, BM would want to be there because after all SHE is entitled to be the victim, that is what she does best. She would need people to feel sorry for her and pet her, she lives for that shit!!

I would absolutely let her come. He was the father of her child also....although BM and I get along quite well in my situation. Most aren't that lucky. In a time like that, to me, it's most important to be there for the Skid(s)....they are hurting enough with the loss of their dad, I wouldn't add that conflict.

I know that if bm died dh would go to her wake and funeral to support the sds, and his former in-laws, with whom he gets along. I'm ok with that. She's their mom. BM doesn't care when anyone dies so she wouldn't care if my dh died, or show up at his services.

If that bitch dared to show her face at FDH's funeral...I'd be going to jail.

Anyway, for the skids I would have MIL bring them also. We rewrote our wills recently and we have the same sort of trusts set up as Scubed does. I had my Mom set everything up, shes good like that.

BM did show up and brought a large entourage with her.
I know I was still in shock the day of my DHs services so I didn't even think about having anyone banned. She was actually very gracious to me and at one point gave me a hug but whispered into my ear, "He loved both of us very much". I didn't respond to that...I was really numb that day and many weeks if not months after even.
It was one of my SDs and her half-sister (BMs first born was my DHs step)who were the ones who made the service horrible. They brought in huge photos of DHs life with BM. I had told his kids about putting photos together and had asked if there were any they had that we could display and/or put on a video montage. They gave me a few but thought they were pulling one over on me with their attempt to display the large pictures.
i never even had to ask but my family just found things like flowers or other pictures to hide parts of their pictures and then stood guard so no one could mess with the pictures anymore!
All in all, there weren't any scenes but it took many people who worked behind the scenes without my knowledge to make it possible.

Oh yes, I have thought about this.

Not only would BM be banned, but I would probably take out a restraining order and hire a bouncer to keep her out. I can't imagine anything worse than seeing the bitch who made his life a living hell while I was in a state of grieving. It would be for her own good. Losing my husband would be devastating. I can't imagine what I would do to her while in that state.

If she died, we would throw a party. Not joking. I would not only stay away from her funeral, but I would stay away from the kids for a few weeks too. They don't need to see me celebrating. DH could be there for the kids in every capacity except going to the funeral with them. I would probably leave him if he went.

He'll NO and I'd have someone parked at the door with a baseball bat. She has given him zero respect for years, she won't get the opportunity to pay any fake respects when he dies.

No way in H-E-L-L! We have friends on the police force and have orders that BioMonster is not to come near my darling DH! Her oldest daughter is 22 (DH raised her from age 2; her BF has no contact) and she could drive the skids.

You know, the answer to this used to be no, but now I'm not so sure. BM showed up when MIL was critically ill in the hospital, along with SD21, and BM didn't even have the decency to leave the room when DH showed up to say goodbye to his mother, cutting short our vacation when we were halfway across the country. BM stayed in the room the entire time! Tool. So yeah, she might come to his funeral after all.

That's a hard thing to have to consider. Especially considering that your at a funeral and that's hard enough to deal with. But to have an ex of all people there would just make it that much harder.

http://southwarkirish.com/each-state-has-its-own-minimum-amount-of-car-i...

I just told DH about this post and he immediately said "you have my FULL permission to ban her from my funeral, I would NOT want her there!!" I replied "and how would that make SS feel" ..he didn't say anything :/

Then I said "also, BM is under the full impression that you and her are amicably co parenting (DH is always very civil, I don't think she has any idea that he despises her) ..she would most likely argue the point that you'd have *wanted* her there"

DH thought a moment then said "I'll write in my will that I don't want her there"

do you think that'd work?