I'm on here as another username, but I'm pretty sure that my husband checks, so I need to be anonymous tonight (as I have no intent of trying to be constructive).

I'm tired. I thought I was taking steps to make things better recently, and I've been hopeful (although still frustrated), and tonight I'm just tired. I'm tired of smiling when I just want to curl up with no expression. I'm tired of thinking about the life I had a few years ago and wondering what the hell I've done. I'm tired of hoping that one day I'll wake up and love will make it all ok. I'm tired of being "the bitch" and hated because I finally found my spine. I'm tired of my husband questioning every decision I make, feeling I have, feeling I don't have, and value of our marriage. I can't keep fighting everyone. I can't take care of myself and what I need, and protect everyone else's fee fees at the same time. And I can't put everyone else's fee fees ahead of me anymore. Currently, my husband couldn't give two shits about my fee fees. Everything is all my fault, all the time, no matter what I've done.

I know this is super pathetic and whiny. And super stupid since it has no context (but it does have an alliteration!). I just needed to vent and not catch any shit for it, and this is about the only place I can do that. I'm not nearly as pathetic as this sounds, but I needed to have a pathetic night so I can just acknowledge it and then wake up and not be like this anymore.