My SD's BM encourages her to think there's something wrong with having rules, and that I'm mean because I don't let her get whatever she wants. BM also encourages her to think that I'm mean for giving her a baby sister, which means I don't have as much time for SD anymore. I also encourage her to share with her sister, which is mean as well.

My husband does a crappy job of parenting SD, so I have no desire to be around her currently. He sides with her when I tell her no or try to discipline her.

So basically, BOTH of SD's parents are teaching her that I am mean and that she doens't have to listen to me. So our relationship is going downhill very quickly.

I was okay with my SD....until she started doing her mother's bidding and trying to manipulate and lie to get what her mother wanted. And now, at 23, she tries to do it to get what she wants (but she's terrible at it).

She is lazy and refuses to help herself or take any advice that would help herself. It is truly a waste of time trying to guide her.

Also, my SD is just not bright or interesting. I'm not saying that to be mean but it is very hard to hold a conversation with her.

I don't have a relationship with my skids because:

They have chosen NOT to have a relationship with me. And now that they're 19, it appears they are choosing not to have a relationship with their father, unless of course, they need something DH has (mechanic skills for their cars, money, etc). If DH didn't call them once a week, I bet months would pass (or until their car broke down, needed an oil change, or the gas tank was on empty) before they will call/see him.

Oh, and it seems they're also choosing to not have a relationship with their grandparents (DH's parents), especially by the way they were treated at high school graduation (SK's ignored the grandparents the entire weekend they were here for the ceremony.... gave us tickets for what I term "nosebleed" seats in the city's huge auditorium while their STEPGRANDPARENTS who have seen them maybe 5 times in 10 years got preferred close-in tickets with BM and stepdad). SK's also chose not to give DH or DH's parents senior portraits.

Sad, especially when it's been DH and his parents doing everything for these boys since DH divorced BM 17 1/2 years ago. Even to the point that DH and Grandpa bought each of them their first car within the past year.

I always blamed their behaviors towards me (And DH) on BM because she's nasty that way. But DH's dad said, "They're adults now. They can choose how they behave towards people, and THIS is what they choose. No more blaming BM, this is all on them now."

He's right.

I don't have a relationship with OSD because she aggressively tried to break up my marriage.
I don't have a relationship with YSD because she was estranged from DH for most of her life due to PAS from BM. Since DH DIDN'T have much of a relationship with her - why would I?

1. Their mother. This is the number one reason. Things may have turned out very differently (or not) if she hadn't set the stage for uncomfortable interaction between skids and I from the very beginning. She actively discouraged them from liking me. No, scratch that: she made them feel like they HAD to dislike me for her sake. The girl was immediately on board with that but for the boy, it took way more guilt trips, screaming at DH over the phone in front of him, and telling him I had overstepped boundaries because I made a cake for him on either the 2nd or 3rd visitation at my house after DH moved in. So never mind that ANYONE else who is staying in my home on their b-day will get some sort of gift or meal from me, her kids get nothing now.

2. I do not like them as individuals. There is something wrong with them. They don't act like my other friends' kids. They are emotionally and socially stunted. They are awkward and ill-mannered. Additionally, they have more of their mom's "values" than their dad's. He always thought we could set a good example for them just by being ourselves. He had me convinced it was a noble cause. It's not. They are lost causes in my book.

3. Because of all the negativity they have brought into my home, I view them with suspicion. They invade my privacy by opening a window into my life for BM. Some of this is because they are just kids and don't know any better and blab about one household to the other. That kind of thing is unavoidable and I don't consider that an unpardonable sin. However, I do take issue with the stuff that could be avoided if DH just set a few very simple boundaries with them. For example: limiting their phone use when we are all together. We already know for a fact that when his daughter was still visiting him, she texted BM constantly and she sent BM pics of whatever we were doing. DH is responsible for this one.

4. I refuse to put myself at risk physically, financially, or legally for them. I lessen my risk if I maintain distance with them.

Well my reason is a little different. I currently have no relationship with the skids because their dumb ass mother recently moved them across the country...again...just like she did at the beginning of last year, and again last summer. Three cross-country moves in 1.5 years while on WELFARE. :O She claims the kids will adjust fine, but I think that they are still screwed up from the first move! Hoodafuc does that to their kids?! Broke BPD b!tches.

SD17 has an asshole personality and she is so spoiled she is intolerable. She says what DH wants to hear and is doing the opposite bc he never checks.

I don't like my SSs because:

1) 95% of what comes out of their mouths is a lie. Either something big or something small...it's a lie. And they can look you right in the face and do it, and I have no tolerance for that.

2) They think it is perfectly acceptable to say hateful and untrue things about me, but also expect me to help finance their wants and needs with no say in how they behave.

3) They have no respect for me, my DH (though he fails to see it) nor our home

4) They are VERY much like their BM and their psycho GM and only use people for what they can get from them.

5) They are snotty and angry and whiny and I really have no idea how they have any friends at all.

6) They live to run and tell BM or GM any tiny detail they feel may get them sympathy and make me or my DH look evil and mean...because egads...we have rules!

MY SS is not such a terrible kid, but he does not respect me as a person so I don't enjoy being with him.

DH makes sure that every time he has an issue with me, he has to bring it up in front of SS. DH has REFUSED to require that SS respect me.

Therefore I plan my finances to ensure he gets nothing from me. Not now, not ever. Let DH take care of his own spawn. I also let DH do all the dirty work - which he hates!

SS never speaks to me or greets me so when he asks me for something, I point him to daddy.