So, Halloween is over... and it went pretty much how I expected. Another huge fight with DW, followed by exactly what I did not want to happen happening.

First, after lots of discussion (read: arguments), DW finally agreed to make Halloween a yearly affair. Meaning one year SD8 would be with us, the next she would be with her father, and so on. It was like pulling teeth getting DW to agree to this.

Then she decided to let SD8 choose who she would trick or treat with the first year. I saw that as a BAD idea, but ah well. So when we originally told SD8 about this she decided to trick or treat at our house, so she could go with her friends in the neighborhood. We were cool with that, and BS3 would tag a long for a little while. Well, in the weeks leading up to it, SD8 changed her mind about 100 times. Finally week of she decided on our house. And then the night before changed her mind and wanted to go with her father. ARGH!

So, SD8 decides to go with her father. DW (clearly frustrated that SD8 is not doing it with us anymore), calls BioDad to let him know. I hear the conversation and I can tell he asks her if he can bring her to OUR neighborhood to trick or treat. This was a huge issue in our previous argument about Halloween. But, of course, DW says it is ok.

To rehash: BioDad lives in an apartment. We live in a nice, gated neighborhood which we pay a large HOA fee to maintain. There are TONS of other neighborhoods around that are not ours, (b) not gated, and (c) safe. If BioDad comes here he has to park in our driveway (as he would be towed from the clubhouse lot). Plus I know SD8 is going to want to stop in the house and that means BioDad is coming in and hanging out.

So, queue up another big argument with DW the day before Halloween. Again I tell her that this is bullshit, that if SD8 is going to go with him that BioDad needs to take her SOMEWHERE ELSE. It is not our responsibility to provide a neighborhood for her, make him get off his fat ass and do some work himself. DW always complains about how BioDad won't do anything himself, and instead expects everyone to do everything for him. Yeah, DW, it is because you all (and sometime encourage) it! Jesus Flipping Christ.

I tell her again that this pisses me off. She asks me why. "You are getting exactly what you wanted, we are not trick or treating with him, just us." Uh, no, DW... I'm getting PART of what I wanted. I also wanted you to actually stand up to BioDad and tell him to grow the f up and find his own place to go. But no, that isn't happening. I told her I'm sick of arguing about it, that clearly she doesn't care how I feel about the situation and I'm done with this BS. She made her position very clear. She argues that it is for SD8's sake because of course she wants SD in our neighborhood where it is safer.

I counter with: "If you are so scared that SD8 will not be safe while under the care of BioDad on Halloween, then you need to reevaluate your custody arrangements. All I ever hear from you is how you want to make sure SD is safe. Clearly you do not trust BioDad to keep her safe. IF that is the case, you need to fight for full custody."

That just made her more angry.

I continued and told her BioDad was not to park in our driveway this year. That I did not want SD8 and BioDad hanging out at our house. That we were NOT going to trick or treat with them even if we ran into them, etc. DW just said "fine" and walked away.

So, BioDad came over and parked in the grass swale, and across half the entrance to our driveway. Terrific. Give DW credit, however, she did not invite him in. (Sarcasm). They went trick or treating early and we waiting at home with BS3 for a while before we went. We, of course, ran into them a couple of times. Also when SD was done, they came back to the house and again DW did not invite BioDad in. Then BioDad left SD at our house and left.

So, DW tells me later that BioDad did not want to take SD out that night. He had planned on doing something else with his family. Tough shit, BioDad. You and DW let SD have control of your lives by letting her choose who she went with and continually change her mind - you buttered your bread, now you have to sleep in it.

AND to make it even more funny (for me), the only reason SD chose to go with her dad is because she thought BioDad's Fiance's girl (14) was going to come trick or treating with her. She did not. SD8 was pouty all night about that. Tough luck kid. You could have gone with your friends if you had come with us... or at least your little brother.

I'm left wondering if it is even worth arguing about this anymore. Clearly DW doesn't see my side of the issue... or just doesn't care.