SD has been here for 2.5 years. When she first arrived everything was absolutely fine. However, once she started college and joined a sorority and really started engaging in the party lifestyle and adopted a certain circle of friends who do cocaine and heavy drinking things changed dramatically, mainly her.

I did spend a lot of time with her and was actively involved in her personal and college life before the heavy partying sunk in and she began to push me and DH away.

Her grandma, mom, aunt, entire family had been sending me texts, cards etc telling me how thankful they were that SD had me in their life, that's how close we were, SD praised me and told everyone how much she loved me. Not something I expected but I did appreciate it. I really did thoroughly enjoy her before.

She got involved in all the parties, drugs etc and started dating a depressed, suicidal BF. I stepped in once I realized what was going on, because SD vented to me about the problems the BF was having. He began stalking her and coming to our house, needless to say I intervened and heped get rid of the phsycho BF she was dating AND also cut her off from prison letters she was receiving from an inmate who had arrested for domestic violence and rape!! I did it to protect her!!!

Next thing I know, I ruined her life. She began talking crap about me to everyone and making up this outrageous lies. Told DH that I hated her etc etc. Our relationship hasn't been the same since. It's created a ton of tension. I'm heartbroken about her lies and allegations. She's too proud to apologize and embarrassed and uncomfortable about it now...

Stepaside,

I appreciate the time taken to read my blog entry. I'd love to address a few of your statements:

Quote: There are some truths to your story, which you seem to be either avoiding or not wanting to fully address.

My "story" is one single personal blog in which I took the liberty to privately vent. It is one particular scenario out of countless over years. You read it and obviously made some assumptions and or judgments. There is absolutely no denial on my part and trust me, there is absolutely nothing that I am avoiding or not fully addressing.

Quote:It doesn't sound like you like this girl. That's no crime. She's not your daughter. I realize you've done plenty for her and feel unappreciated. So perhaps you need to examine your real motives for why you've done so much for her. Where you expecting gratitude in return? acceptance from her? loyalty? for her to finally deem you fit to be "family" in her life? Because if you were motivated by those factors, it's your own fault for reaching out and having unrealistic expectations tied to your generosity.

Actually, I love this girl. No, I do not like her actions or behavior and have not enjoyed her company for several months now. But, don't be mistaken. When push comes to shove, I would still defend her and protect her from harm if need be. I don't wish ill-will on SD. I do however pray that she matures and one day realizes what's really important in life and learns to prioritize, be grateful, have some class and show some respect. I've done more for her than you'll ever know and yes, I do feel unappreciated but I know that comes with the territory. What SM doesn't? This isn't my first rodeo....this is my second marriage and second set of Skids so I have NEVER done anything for gratitude, acceptance, etc in return. I learned the hard way long before this SD came along that there is no such thing as loyalty when it comes to an SM and Skids. They'll always choose Bio's and everyone else over you. What I have done for SD has been out of the goodness of my heart. I am a very loving, accepting, sweet, considerate, thoughtful kind of person. I have struggled tremendously with the act of dis-engaging. No matter how angry or upset I can be with SD or how crappy she has treated me, I can't help but do sweet things for her....knowing damn good and well she won't care, I usually have done it anyway. It's not about satisfying SD or gaining any kind of recognition or emotion from her in return. It's about staying true to the kind of person I am. My only expectations of SD have been based on her past behavior....which predicts future behavior. So, I've had none.

Quote: So, because YOU have done so much for her, you may think you are entitled to be the spokesperson for both your DH and yourself. You seem baffled that she'd prefer to spend Thanksgiving with her bf's mother. Are you really that surprised? Think she doesn't feel how you feel about her? Do you wonder what she feels when you are the one contacting her to make plans instead of her father? Perhaps she feels like her father is failing to show her that he gives a hairy rat's ass, and has you doing his job for him. And you really believe she's to feel grateful for that?

LOL. Entitled to be the spokesperson for my Husband and I because I have done so much for her? Let me clue you in here. SD only contacts ME. I was the one in which she was messaging on FB saying when she would be here, etc. SD doesn't contact DH. Why? DH is a very busy business man who barely has any spare time during the work week, his reputation for calling or texting back is not that great and people have instead turned to me for communication/plans etc over the years. 'm not entitled sweetheart, consider it more or less having been appointed "the spokesperson". That's the way it is. Even DH's brother contacts me and sets up time to visit rather than with DH himself. BAFFLED? I said over and over that neither of us were surprised or shocked. Nope! Get a grip on your wild assumptions here, wow. Obviously, you don't know me and are not well educated on my situation. ONE blog entry....ONE.

Quote:I think a great leveler is truth, no pretending. Give what you get, period. It takes two people with mutual interest in a relationship, to have a decent relationship. When one party is doing all the work, the rejection can screw with their self-esteem and self-respect. So perhaps she doesn't really care to have a SM. Is that so bad? It's not if you can accept it.

I don't pretend and I don't play house. I have always been very direct and honest with SD. I have talked to her and lectured her about every single issue until I'm blue in the face. In no way, shape or form am I getting what I give in return. Not even close. What do you mean, when one party is doing all the work that it can screw with their self-esteem and self-respect? If you're implying that SHE is doing all the work, you are way beyond wrong here. Again. You don't know my "story" from one blog post. I'm not even going to justify this rather absurd response.

Quote:So if you weren't in the picture and your DH was single, how would Thanksgiving have been different? Would she and her bf have spent it with your DH? Would he have never contacted her about coming over? What would have happened if you hadn't intervened? Because when you truly learn to disengage, their relationship stays between THEM, and doesn't need to be managed by anyone else. Then if your SD decides to reach out to you, you can choose to reciprocate or not based on your relationship with her only. But no more will you be doing "parent" things FOR her, with parent expectations, because you are not her parent. That's like asking for resentments.

Again, you went back to the me being the spokesperson and intervening in their relationship. I brought them closer than they've ever been. She's here because she contacted ME on twitter the day she got kicked out of her previous residence, I was the one she called crying when she needed help and a place to stay. I do not manage their relationship, LOL. I don't know where you come up with these ideas or why your panties are in such a bunch....thanks for the consideration but I'm not ignorant nor will I be bullied on my own private blog post. Have a nice day!

That's the thing....normally, yes....we would have enough food for the Zombie Apocalypse.

I'm pregnant. I've had sever nausea and morning sickness. I absolute hate most food right now and immediately begin gagging at the smells of most things. I didn't have the energy nor the appetite to cook all of that food this year, especially not for just two people.

I needed to know if she was coming, because if she wasn't DH and I had planned on a more laid back, less traditional and less stressful meal to cook. If she and her BF were coming, the preparation would be different and I had explained to her in detail why I was asking and why I needed to know the first time I contacted her, regarding the food and needing to know what to get at the grocery store.

I'm just asking why she couldn't give a straight answer the first time.

She doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. I suffered a miscarriage before on my first pregnancy and we are waiting until the next ultrasound next month to make sure everything looks fine before we tell anyone.

It's also not her only step-sibling.....she has two half sisters already. No full blooded sibling.

Thank you so much for the support!! You're absolutely right.

I've always been accused of doing to much or overstepping my boundaries. I dis-engage and I'm the biggest, coldest bitch in the world LOL.

I'm either interfering in DH's relationship with his kids or I'm encouraging it to crumble.

I can never win.