This some Jerry Springer S&*t right here.
Before I begin, I just wanted to state a few littel facts so that no one gets confused by my confusion.
1 Ex cheated on me a lot. A lot is actually a huge understatement
2 I have never wanted my boys to learn that and have never mentioned any of it to any one.
3 About a year ago my sister married a guy with two kids from a previous marriage.
Ok...we can begin now.
I've never really paid much attention to my two step nephews. I've said hi and by when I see but never gave them my full attention. It's not because they act bad or anything, BIL does good with his parenting, it's just I hardly ever really see them. During family get togethers if my kids are with me his kids are with their mom, and on his daddy holidays or weekends my kids are with their dad and we usually have DH's kids. As I've said dPPP and Redface Magee are in no way enjoyable to be around and if I have them on holidays or during any special family things and we all make an appearence it's very quick like cat. How ya been, good to see ya, I made some cookies/pie, peace I'm out.
However this year was my weekend to have my kids for Thankgiving and I'm not sure why but BIL had his and they came over for Thanksgiving dinner.
I've never been rude to his kids, just very "Hey sweety, by sweety," again, not a lot of attention was given to them on my part. So they get to our house, and his kids are young, 7 and 6. All I know about them is that BIL can't have chidren of his own and adopted the two boys with his first wife when they were little babies. They were abandoned with a note(in spanish) that they were infact brothers and to please try and keep them together.
So, dinner is almost done and they kids are in the play room all together and getting along pretty well. After my experience with my own skids I was worried about the kids being rude since they were at a step family members house, but no. They were all playing together and getting along except for OBS. He would walk into the play room, look, go to his bedroom and repeat a few times.
Me- Hey, what's up with you son?
OBS - I don't know. Those kids...I just don't know.
Me- What? They've been super good.
He didn't answer me, he went into his room, then asked BS14 and BS9 to come with him outside. They were huddled for a good ten minutes together. OBS looked angry, BS14 had his hysterical laughter going on, and BS9 had a look of surprise and confusion. BIL starts to feel like my kids just don't like his kids and doesn't understand why, and sister is trying to explain their behavior so I went out there.
Me- Ok, what is wrong with yall? Yall are being very rude.
OBS- You don't see it? Those two? You don't see it at all?
Me- WHAT????
OBS- Those two boys look exactly like our dad. They look just like BS9 except for their darker.
OBS had a picture of his dad, he'd been walking into his room looking at photos of his dad and BS9 comparing the two step nephews to his brother and father. That's when I finally really took a look and OMG they do look like ExH and BS9, a little like OBS but bs14 is my clone.
I told them now was not the time, lets enjoy dinner and be nice. They all agreed although OBS pulled me back and asked, so..why did you and dad split up?
So, after all these years of keeping this dirty little secret there was ExH promiscuity, staring at my kids from across the table. After dinner I explained it all to sister and BIL to which my sister saw it too. When they were outside playing with BS9 it did not look like two sets of kids who were not related to each other. What are the chances that my sister would marry a guy who adopted my ExH illegitimate kids who he probably had with a stripper while we were still married? I'm seriously asking that question.
OBS wants to find out if those two are infact his half brothers, and he's old enough to know that the oldest one would have been born before his dad and mom got divorced. My sister wants to find out, but those aren't her kids and BIL is a good dad, those are his kids no matter what DNA says. I haven't said anything to Ex about this and wouldn't even know how to approach this but at this point what could he do? And why should any one confuse those two about their parents? I use to tell my ex while we were still married that one day someone is going to show up to our door with a baby claiming it's his and then his balls will be in a vice. Now OBS thinks he's figured things out and has the other two wondering. BIL is freaked out, sister wants my boys and his boys to bond more, OBS isn't sure what he wants to do, BS14 is ignoring everything and inverting, BS9 says they could be my brothers or my cousins, they're still my family and wants to play with them again and this all going to blow up soon.
- Evil stepmonster's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Okay. I am very confused. I
Okay. I am very confused. I am going to have to read this a couple more times.
Seriously though, if you
Seriously though, if you think there is any chance there is a relation between the kids, you need to get them tested. The kids are already suspicious so you need to get them an answer. If you are sure they can't be related, just tell them that people sometimes look very much alike even though they aren't related. Point out a couple of examples if you can. If there is a possibility pursue it.
OT-When my (half)brother and I were young, our older friends who lived next door did the math and figured out that my brother was born before my parent's marriage. It was at that time that we learned we had the same mother but different father. Out of the mouths of babes.
People just can't keep dirty
People just can't keep dirty little secrets any more.
I know right. I would be
I know right. I would be worried about your kids' curiosity. It's hard to let things go when you are a child. Since they don't see the kids often, maybe it will slip their minds. Maybe let it go and see if they bring it up again.
The children were born in
The children were born in Mexico. He still now and when we married he would go back twice a year.
Oh no they don't! Especially
Oh no they don't! Especially if done as a private adoption. I went to school with my half sisters. We didn't know it at the time and they still don't know. I'm the one that was adopted out.
No I didn't show any signs of
No I didn't show any signs of anything, but once I did look at them they do look exactly like the ex, my youngest and their half sister.
Where were the boys adopted
Where were the boys adopted from? Same town as you all?
What is the likelyhood that your Ex hooked up and impregnanted the same woman TWICE????
Maybe they are related in some other way- just not as brothers but maybe as cousins???
They were adopted from
They were adopted from Mexico.
That would be so weird if it
That would be so weird if it was true. The poor kids. All of them.
This is what I would do if I
This is what I would do if I REALLY thought that this was a possibilty.
I think my sons DNA could be
I think my sons DNA could be used, but I don't think BIL wants to know. He loves his kids, and throwing in oh hey your step cousins are really your half brothers would probably screw those kids up a little. I don't know if I'd allow it if I was in BIL's shoes. I told OBS to just have a family relationship with them and if later you still have to know, ask them when they are old enough to process this, those two are much to young to comprehend this.
if i was oss i'd want to know
if i was oss i'd want to know if these kids were products of my dad screwing around.
but some things are better left unknown.
It's not the fact that he
It's not the fact that he could have fathered the kids, I'm quite sure he has many unknown of kids here and there, it's my kids I'm worried about. BIL kids don't know anything about this, OBS jumped the gun talking to his brothers about this I admit but he's the only questioning things at the moment.
I don't think I'd want the
I don't think I'd want the possibility of your ex being a part of their lives. I don't blame BIL for not wanting any testing to be done.
I don't either. I wouldn't if
I don't either. I wouldn't if I were in his shoes.
OBS is my oldest bio, he's 17
OBS is my oldest bio, he's 17
Where in Mexico did your ex
Where in Mexico did your ex travel? Do you know where the kids were born/found?
I think you need to teach
I think you need to teach your kids some class by refusing to entertain this any further.
Your kid thinks these children might have been the result of a fling his father had? So what? They aren't his dad's kids, they are your BIL's kids. What good could come of knowing that they are your ex's bio kids?
Why on earth would you even let this be discussed?
You should just tell your kids, "Wow, yeah, that is weird how they look alike, huh?" and DROP IT. No good can come of this. Besides, PLENTY of people who aren't related AT ALL look alike. There was a woman who apparently looked like my twin and who passed away in an accident. I used to hear how she worked at a place near where I worked all the time as a kid, we apparently both had part time waitress jobs, they'd always ask me how come I work two jobs thinking I was her. Over the years I would occasionally hear, "Hey, I know you from X" place I'd never been, figure out it was her. More recently someone freaked out because this woman had died in an accident and she thought I was her. Trust me, there is absolutely ZERO chance we were even related at all. Yet, people swore we even sounded the same.
Your kids do need to know if
Your kids do need to know if they're his brothers. The DNA from yours can be used to match against their "cousins". Exh's involvement ended at conception once adoption was finalized. And those cousins have a right to know their parentage. They're old enough to know bil is not their bio. But they also know him as their DAD. It doesn't change.
No matter how great the family adoptees are placed, they always wonder where did they come from.
The adoption story sounds
The adoption story sounds like hype the service was putting out so bil would adopt.
Don't tell the other kids until the DNA comes back. It would be a let down if x is not their biof.
I would have told the bio
I would have told the bio kids, hey that's interesting, but sometimes people unrelated can look alike. I would have told them not to make a big deal about it and who the biological parents are is really those skids' business, and not anyone else's.
Perhaps your bio son caught on to the ex's infidelity a while ago, and maybe this is how he's dealing with it. I think this is more of an OBS issue than anyone else's issue.
Even if by some chance these kids turned out to be connected in some way, those kids shouldn't be tested unless they want to be, and it would be best to wait until they are the age of consent so they can make their own decision. They should be allowed to be just kids, and when they're adults they can decide to find out who their biological father is.
This is really a BIL/skid issue, not anyone else's, in my mind.
I work with a woman whose
I work with a woman whose husband's father is the biological father of about 40 people in our town. That is just here. He had about 4 long term relationships not to mention the women on the side. When he died his son and work colleague went to the funeral in Mexico. Voila! 8 more half siblings he never knew existed.
And one of our patients openly is proud of fathering 42 kids all out of wedlock. The only thing stopping him from fathering more is his medical condition.
So anything is possible.
I'm not now nor was I ever
I'm not now nor was I ever planning a forced DNA test. My oldest is curious as to if those are his brothers but he does understand the situation. I was more worried about his reaction, the way he's feeling about all of this. I had never intended for them to find out what had happened between me and his father, it was more shock. I didn't freak out the nephews, my sister does think it's funny and to be honest it is a little bit considering the chances of all this. The boys do know they are adopted, and I would never try to pressure them to find out about their bio parents and neither would OBS. The oldest has gone threw some major shit this year and this was like the icing on the cake. But he isn't obsessing over it, I just thought the entire thing was very odd...kinda like an episode of the Jerry Springer show.