It's been a while since my last post..for several reasons. My DS11mths and I passed a viral stomach flu back and forth for a week, and then the following week I was busy with work and family gatherings.

Two weekends ago we had MSH for the weekend. It started with SO mentioning IN THE CAR, that we were stopping at such and such store and by the way MSH would be picked up there. :jawdrop: Now, months ago I told him that I was NO LONGER going to even have to breathe within the same 25 feet as the GHSH, so I stopped talking to him. For the weekend. I really do not care if that shows my age or what, I am sick of getting walked all over because he's too afraid to tell her to shove it and meet up at a convenient time for SO to pick her up! The woman gets and inch and takes a mile, which we found out last year when she was allowed to drop of MSH at our apartment and proceeded to leave and then come back and COME INSIDE for twenty or so minutes. I was livid.

So during that weekend, I don't say much to either of them. A. He's in the doghouse. B. She's not my kid, it's not my job to entertain her.

I had work on Saturday, thank goodness, so I had an excuse. He took MSH and my ds to his friend's house, because GOD FORBID he parent them both. So his friend's wife kept the baby while he sat on his phone, and the friend's daughter's took MSH to the mall. When I got home, he made an effort to do ALL the laundry in the house and make dinner. I was still too fumed at him to care, and when we're not getting along this way it puts my stomach in knots and I won't eat. He knows this, but it seems to fuel his fire a little so now we're just outright saying mean things to each other.

He then proceeded to huff and puff and spitefully take them to a Christmas light display. He announced it while I was putting my pajamas on after getting out of the tub. He said, that was his invitation and if I wanted to go I needed to deal with it. :O So, he then left in a huff, and wasn't able to get on the lot of the display anyway! That was also my fault, dontcha know.

Sunday - I take my son to my parents, SO is continuing to treat me with hostility and I continue to ignore him. I did tell him before I left that if he was going to continue to change his entire behavior pattern and be disrespectful of ME whenever MSH and GHSH snapped their scaled fingers, that I was done. That it was a shame our relationship didn't work out, that I loved him, but that love is simply not enough anymore. I said that I would not keep our DS away from him and we could work out a parenting plan together and I would work with him financially to make sure DS had everything he needs. Well, that seemed to change his tune. Although, I think the prospect of being alone is really what hit him. That, and his daughter cried that she'd never see her brother. :sick: So he put his act together and showed up at my parents, after he'd released her back to the kraken, for dinner.

Two weeks go by, illnesses, a mild car accident, holiday..etc. Come to Christmas Day.

SO, DS, and myself are at my parents house for opening of gifts for DS and dinner. My mom has VERY GENEROUSLY laid out a filled stocking and several gifts for MSH, then asks when we'll have her again. SO says, this weekend. :? :jawdrop: .

This was the first I get the hear about it, so you can bet as soon as we got home I laid into him about unilaterally deciding my weekend AGAIN. He lost his mind. It went from my not liking her, to my hating her, to him catering to me and having to ignore his daughter for me. He doesn't think I should dictate when he sees his daughter, he doesn't like the GHSH but he has to do what she says otherwise she'll withold MSH, that I used to care whether or not MSH was here and I wanted her to be around and like me etc, but now I don't and that'll get me nowhere with him. He then flipped out on me calling me every name he could think of, saying I'm lazy, entitled, and a complete brat. He doesn't know if he wants to live with me anymore because he doesn't know how I'm going to be any kind of good mother with our new baby, when apparently our DS has caused me to not want his daughter around.He also claims I'm embarassed by her, which is 100% true, because between the GHSH putting lies and so forth in her head and SO's lack of ability to correct her, she'll say whatever whenever wherever and I wasn't raised that way and I don't think it's appropriate to bring her to my family's house for things when she can't function like an appropriate 10 year old.

So, because I told him that he needs to STOP making choices that affect me without telling me ahead of time, that he needs to continue to treat me like his adult partner EVEN when MSH is with him, and that he needs to parent her so that she acts like a normal member of society when she's in our care...I am a terrible mother, girlfriend, and person. :?

We've been barely tolerating each other for two days. He was called in for work yesterday, and therefore did not have her at all. The fight continued into today. I'm starting to lose respect for him as a man and as a father. I don't think this is the way a real man acts and so I'm starting to look at alternatives to this. Maybe I should leave. It would suck to raise two children in a split household, but there are worse things. I think that coming into it from a "step" perspective might make me a little less controlling, but who knows. I'm running out of reasons to stay.