Skid and chores...mostly venting
Skid is 10 and therefore is expected to pitch in. Both kids that live here (SD10 and DD8) have chore charts and the same set chores every week.
DD has several behavior issues and getting her to complete anything takes hours, and she can't be trusted with chemicals, so she has a few different chores than SD does. But somehow, SD thinks that because she doesn't have the behavior issues that she can half ass every single chore.
She rushes through everything instead of doing a decent job, and has to be called back multiple times for the same thing. After calling her back 3+ times, I give up. I think that I have realistic expectations, because she is a child and not an adult, so I don't expect that she accomplishes things as well as an adult; and in saying that, these are the things she does DAILY that drive me crazy:
1. Putting dirty dishes away
2. Leaving food on dishes she washes by hand
3. When gathering trash, only empties the basket and doesn't pick up litter that has "missed" the can
4. Only washes dishes that are deliberately placed in the sink-leaves any dish on the stove or counter
5. When sweeping, just sweeps the middle of the room. Leaves any toys or items on the floor where they were.
6. Will ignore her laundry sitting at her table spot until invited to go put it away, and then she usually just sets it on her desk or dresser.
7. Doing an absolute shit job on everything Thursday night before she goes to BM for the weekend, since she knows we can't punish or call her out on it the next day.
This is the short list. I could probably go on several paragraphs, but nobody wants to hear all that, I am sure. She has been told what the expectations are many times and she chooses to just keep doing a shitty job and be resentful when she gets called back or has a consequence. She also has taken to muttering under her breath while doing chores, but I choose to ignore that. The real kicker is that SO asked her to run up to our room to grab another soap for the bathroom, and she saw piles of stuff everywhere in our room (I was organizing the attic and cleaning out our dressers), so now she feels the need to mention all the time about how cluttered and messy our room was that one time she went up there. Geez, put a sock in it. We don't talk about the 2 trash bags of crap we hauled out of your room last time do we?
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I would nip that shit in the
I would nip that shit in the bud. You have an opportunity to instill in her a pride in her work. She doesn't empty the trash correctly? Not only are you going to go back and do it right, but now you are going to do ALL the trash cans. Or now you re-do it, but also lost an hour of screen time.
This is something your DH should really get on the same page with you in handling. Having pride in your work is the difference between getting a B or an A, being chosen for a special group or task in school or extra curriculars, being hired or not, getting that job promotion, catching your bosses eye. It is something that reverberates through a persons entire life. Trust me, it does have to be taught. But once you have it, you have it, and it makes everything in life come SO much easier.
Explain it to your DH this way- I run a program where high school teens complete internships in my business. I normally select my new hires from them. I ONLY hire those who take that extra effort. The ones who don't? It is sort of sad because non of them are bad kids, they just have never been taught to look around themselves and take pride in a task well done.
I sometimes feel that my SS's
I sometimes feel that my SS's think my home is a motel. They really do not have to do anything! DH makes them take out the trash and recycle but they argue on who is going to take what until DH starts yelling. They do not even attempt to do the dishes unless I stand up after eating and say "I'm not doing the dishes" and disappear. Again they argue on who is going to do them. SS12 uses ice cold water and leaves food on them. SS16 does a better job but leaves the dishes on the stove and glasses on the table. OH and forget about laundry. My basket will be empty on Friday night and piled high on Sunday night. I never even seen them change that many times. SS12 room can be messy at times and he puts his laundry on top of his dresser and not the drawers. He is made to "clean up" once a month until we found him just stuffing things under the bed, closet, etc. That ended when DH took out two trash bags of clothes and toys. They aren't bad kids just don't have chores that are assigned at my house or BM's.
I am happy that SO agrees
I am happy that SO agrees with me on this subject, and he is usually the one that makes her go back to fix it, but somehow I am the only one who notices when the chore is done crappily, and I wish he would be more proactive in checking up on her. It's hard to supervise DD and have to check up on SD,too.
He had this idea that he is going to "dock" her allowance for every time she gets called back, but who am I kidding, he isn't keeping track of it, but SD also is never getting an allowance. I don't see this as an actual consequence because it isn't really taking anything away. The allowance was concocted as a way to motivate the chores being done correctly, but she hasn't changed the way she does them, so I think it is ineffective.
We have told her several times that if we did our jobs the way she is completing her chores, we would be fired or have no business. She doesn't quite get the idea of hard work or effort. She is relatively intelligent and hasn't reached the point where school is "hard" and she just kind of skates by in everything she does. SO brags on how intelligent she is, but nothing that she does reflects that.
Skids 13 and 15, and still
Skids 13 and 15, and still don't understand how to clean a kitchen. They also put things away wherever they feel, making it difficult to find anything. I insist on having a say in where things belong in the house that I pay for, but DH did nothing about it. So now it's his job to clean the kitchen.
here's an awesome idea - my
here's an awesome idea -
my brother had a problem with muttering under his breath. so dad came up with an GENIOUS way of handling it. we had a rotation where each kid had dish duty for a week. well, one particular evening my dear brother didnt feel like doing it so he started the muttering crap. dad told him to keep his hole shut or he would get another week of dish duty.
every time he muttered, dad said "huh. theeerrrre's another week." well this went on for about thirty minutes before he was finally done w/ the dishes and went to sulk in his room. bro ended up with around 6 months straight of dish duty. and dad held him to it.
so, every time she gripes or mutters, OR every time she half-asses it and he has to bring her back to finish correctly, he can make her write sentences (like step-by-step instructions on how to complete that specific chore }:) ). and with every infraction until it's completed correctly, "theeerrreee's another page". and i'd have her write immediately following the chore.
I am really glad to hear that
I am really glad to hear that other people have some kind of expectations of how well chores are completed. I always think that I am being way too critical and mean, because I clean professionally for a living, and find myself thinking, "Oh, gee, maybe I am asking too much that SD gets all of the food off of dishes and puts them away in the right spot." When in reality, those are 2 perfectly acceptable things to ask of a kid that is almost 11 Y.O.
One of my fears is turning into Mommy Dearest because I get paid to nitpick small details, be OCD about neatness/cleaning, and go above what is expected.
Now she just finally took her
Now she just finally took her laundry basket off the table after I put a post it note on it to put it away, and brought the basket back out and left it in the dining room... because that's the most logical place to return a laundry basket to I guess... SMDH
I have a SD9 and a DD10, and
I have a SD9 and a DD10, and the only way either does a decent job of chores is for me to supervise them. Both have good attitudes and seem to want to do things correctly, but they need me looking in on them occassionally while chores are being done. Is it possible that it is their ages?