Aftermath of a will contest with SC....................
As a 3 year widow of a man with 2 adopted adult children and 7 grandchildren, I can tell you first hand, get your affairs in order and do it now. Don't procrastinate if you love your spouse. It is very important to talk about. Look at it as something you will update periodically as well and don't let it go by too long before you do. What happened to us and after my husband died is not a pretty picture. Six years after we were married we both updated our wills and we never got around to changing them until my husband was sick and in the hospital. That was nine years later where our assets had declined and we never got around to changing the wills until he was first sick and in the hospital. Originally, upon each of our deaths, each was set up to give a dollar amount first to each of our children and to a couple of his grandchildren at the time of death. Then, we each had the assets to do this. Not amending this setup was a big mistake on our part. After 15 years of marriage and an on-going pit in my stomach from the behavior of my SD and SS I was not surprised of the actions that ensued after my husband died. More than ugly comes out of people when they are money hungry and feel entitled. In the end, I paid them to get out of my life with funds from my retirement. Financially I have had to recoup but I am doing ok. The best thing about it was knowing if I paid them money, I would be rid of them. It is not ok to keep bad-behaving people in your life at any cost. This is a sad ending to a 15-year step family relationship. Please share your thoughts and ask me questions, I think I have some pretty sensible advice and good experience.
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If it is the will they are
If it is the will they are due money .... It is entitlement.
My father passed away 6 years ago and my Dads wife is living off of the interest of accounts due to my kids/nephews. That's just rotten.
My husband passed away 6 years ago SHE & my father knew/know my predicament ~ she lives in a 5 bedroom house for one person. Just ridiculous ~ the home was where I grew up. After hubby passed away ~ ask my father to sell me the home which was a much better fit for me financially & fundamentally. Told Dad I would pay him, and my siblings what was owed and the house could stay in the family.
Recently my vehicle was acting up needed to purchase a newer vehicle had a conversation w her " you know my father would help me out ~ can I borrow off the kids accounts~ you know what my father wishes were/are ~ the only right thing to do is honor his wishes. ...... NOPE ~
Now I realize she doesn't have to assist me cause I am NOT her child but LADY ~ you own everything my parents bought together. The legacy of my parents life together is just in the faces of their children.
Sorry people like this makes my stomache churn ~ she should honor the will but my belief is that Karma will get her. She bared her ass to me and I see her for what she is exactly is.
Easylike, What is it that she
Easylike,
What is it that she is not honoring in the will. I missing something. I am guess the will states she has the right to live in the home until she sales it and/or gets remarried. With her being in a be home, you feel she could down size and still live good. The selling of the house would result in assets going to family as stated in the will.
Originally b4 they got
Originally b4 they got married ~ the house to go to the children. She busted my fathers ball relentless until her put her on the deed. The deed triumphs the will. She owns the home I was in from the age of 3 to present. And a condo at the beach.
I guess my thoughts are different ~ why would you need a 5 bedroom house when you are one person. Has been talking about downsizing for 5 years. I moved a year after my hubby passed ~ did what was best for my family.
When my Dad passed there were accounts to be established in the grand children's names ~ needing money for kids college cost ~ NOPE I can't touch it ~ I will get a penalty ~ bullshit
She's just living off the interest every month.
Things really do change and
Things really do change and often we don't know what goes on in peoples lives, just perceptions that can lead to judgements, hurt feelings, and entitlement. I sounds like you are mad at your father really for not sticking with his original wishes. I hope you find peace soon.
In the end I know in my heart
In the end I know in my heart ~ to expect nothing from people ~ protects the heart.
I think my father thought the will triumphed the deed ~ I learned that lesson quickly after my husband died.
I m not angry with my father ~ I m embarrassed to be related to the money grabber he married. What else could she possibly want & need. She got it all. Honoring someone's wishes is what she should have done ~ she is the one that has to live with herself m I hope she can put her head on the pillow at night and sleep well. She fully knew what his intentions were & she informed us ( his kids ) but now ~ not honoring his wishes will haunt her.
While they were married ~ I was very good to her. I treated her with respect & love ~ I lost my husband & my father in 4 month span. I was daddy's little girl ~ n I respected her from the beginning.
I am sorry for your losses in
I am sorry for your losses in such a short period of time......
Easylike, I know all states
Easylike,
I know all states are different. Both of their names were on the deed, I am guessing. Here in Louisiana even with no will, spouse get right to use the home but after death, sell or getting remarried...assets of the deceased spouse goes to their heirs.
I am still thinking you would get assets. Sadly, you have to out live her. Am I wrong?
Sorry, I know you have plenty
Sorry, I know you have plenty of cause for resentment and it's reasonable to hope for some help from family when life throws way too many rotten apples at you but I have to say my father died over 30 years ago and I've never seen a penny though I was a child when he passed and as an adult I've had some terrible catastrophes in my life. Yeah, my dad's wife is living very large and very wastefully and, frankly, destructively on his estate still and she's never worked a day in her life. Oh, yeah, my dad's wife is my mom. In tact family. Sadly, becoming an adult means you really are alone in this world. No one will owe you a thing, certainly not an inheritance. Spouses, on the other hand, enter voluntarily into a legal contract that by its very nature excludes others.
The fact is, life is full of
The fact is, life is full of changes and surprises. Estate planning is a personal wish and if not actively managed and understood can hurt people's feelings. Truth is at death, especially a surprise one, we look for further communication as a sign of love. Some people equate love to money and things. Especially the people that have less money than the deceased. No one should ever plan on someone else's gift. I do not like the word entitlement.
I am so sorry about your
I am so sorry about your husband passing away. No will can be scary. Sometimes, a will that is not updated can be worse.
The fact is, our wills were
The fact is, our wills were updated and each were stated to receive the other's assets at death. Both wills were mirrored the same because of my husband's medical condition and the unknown ahead of us. Our assets had diminished over the years and he had not worked for multiple years before he passed away. While he was hospitalized, he was deemed in shape to make this decision by attorney's, not me. We both agreed that we did not need to share this with our children. We had been married for 15 years and long accumulated things together. Truth was, our financial situation had diminished and if either of us were to die at our ages (late fifties) we knew we needed to change our wills to us being the sole beneficiaries of what we had left, which was not a fortune for sure. Honestly, it was our business. When a parent gets remarried, life changes and you really can't go back to the way it was.
Mamaof3, I think I understand
Mamaof3,
I think I understand now. His kids pulled the "He was not in his right mind when the will was updated." card. They used this to sue you and contest the will. That is really SAD!
Unfortunately because they
Unfortunately because they did that it cost a lot of unnecessary attorney fees. We could have chosen to talk about our changes with the family during my husband's illness but it would have caused even more grief and anxiety as the SD and SS were very good at mixing things up and arguing even at the cost of their Father being sick. He also did not want his children to know how our financial situation had declined. All we were trying to do was set ourselves up for the near future of future medical costs and further decline of his illness. There is history here. Their mother died in a car accident when they were teenagers. The behavior of the SD especially was very demanding and entitled acting. I saw her sadly demand what she felt should have been rightfully hers. I am sure their Mother's death was very hard for them. There was not much there but what was was a life insurance policy bequeathed to her husband. Their adopted Dad (my husband) made sure they had funds from that insurance policy but it was not a pretty picture how it was demanded. So, I suspected one way or another they would want to control something again of our situation. It was really very sad how they went about the process. I have 3 adult self-sufficient kids who all have expressed such maturity and strong support throughout this process. By that I mean, they felt saddened by the behavior and experience of what can happen to a family over money. They have no idea when I die they will get my retirement money if I don't use it up first and, they are not expecting it. If people are going to remarry with step kids, please consider talking about this subject and preparing to do something about before you do get married. It really is your family dynamic that dictates your wishes and shouldn't be ignored.
Does anyone have any
Does anyone have any experience with wills that affect things in more than one state and/or countries? I'm from abroad so have some monies in accounts overseas and we own our house here but are planning on moving out of state soon and renting out the property. We haven't gotten around to writing wills yet, but it we will hopefully have some more cash soon and I plan on making it a priority.
Does living in one state and having property in another affect a will? Do we need to be careful with the wording?
I'm so sorry for you mamaof3 that you were left to deal with this situation. I don't understand the entitlement culture of children. I am not earning and saving money for my kids future I am doing it so that when I have them they will have a good childhood and I can set them on a path to self-sufficiency so that they won't be reliant on me and equally so that in my old age I won't be reliant on them and can pay for my own retirement and any medical costs etc. I know that my parents have a similar attitude, they raised me and my siblings to be self-sufficient adults and they will now look out for themselves first before thinking about leaving anything for us. I can see however that jealousies and misunderstandings come into play with step-families when children are still attached to the idea of their original family and haven't fully accepted that their parents have moved on and have new priorities. I am glad that you were able to come back and rebuild your life after paying off your stepchildren.
Thank you, BethAnne - many
Thank you, BethAnne - many lessons learned...... I commend you for thinking about putting priority to estate planning especially if you do not have anything in place yet. If I were you, I would spend your first dollar toward this good effort on an estate attorney who knows the ins and outs of the state and federal laws, especially the state you reside in the most. Estate planning is so personal and needs to be customized to the wishes of each person that activates them. I would recommend you understand probate as well. This is a process that can happen through our court system if you do not leave any kind of will and can be quite expensive, especially in multiple states. Simplify as much as you can and don't get too detailed; you can always change your mind later (of which you should revisit your wishes every so many years or if there is a significant life change). Hope this helps.
Thanks for your advice. I
Thanks for your advice. I will get working on it as soon as I can. Best of luck for the future. I'm glad you are managing to find your feet again despite the step kids.