She's lives there fulltime? If so, absolutely she can help out. FTR, so can a EOWE kiddo, but not on same expectation level. EOWE kid should be responsible for their bedroom, their bathroom and assisting dinner time kitchen things such as setting and clearing the table helping with the meals dishes. But not expected to full fledge clean the house that they have no part in 25-26dys a month.

Make SD a chore list. Ignore when the huffing and puffing and stomping 'tude starts. She doesn't have to 'like' the chore and she doesn't have to 'like' having to do chores...but here's the list and she has to do them. If she's a real obnoxious turd over it to the point she disturbs the entire household and makes all miserable over the task, just remind her there are consequences for too much theatrics with that 'tude of hers. Slap on an additional not ordinary chore or take away a privilege . She can mumble and grumble and send a few stink eyes all she pleases for her Dad and evil ol' SM thinking she should be expected to help out but she can't be so stupid about it it affects the day and/or anyone else in the home.

You know, right, that the hissy fit and huff affair is solely so you/Dad will feel terrible about how you make the poor child do manual labor and have expectations of her other than being the home's 'special little snowflake'? It's called attempting to manipulate.

Ridiculous if she doesn't help !

My 10 year old .... Sets the table , cleaners table outs dishes in dishwasher. Cleans her room and brings her dirty clothes downstairs. Brings her trash downstairs ~~ she does her share not by herself with constant reminding.

If chores aren't done ~ no privileges ~ play dates , iPod or dance

My kids who are now 12, 15, and 17 know how to do all household chores and have been doing them since they were very young. I can remember when my son was 4 and he would help me fold clothes. He is less inclined to help now, but usually there is some motivation we can dangle over his head- he will work for sodas and snacks and for rides to his gf's house. Lol! So I would just figure out something that I will motivate her.

My 12 year old dd just cleaned the kitchen by the way

We have this issue with SD 12 as well. DH asked her to wash her sheets one day and she went home to tattle to her mother-who reinforces the attitude, because she'll grow up before long! "We need to let her be a child as long as possible!". Today I asked her to unload the dishwasher, by the amount of eye rolling and deep sighing you would have thought it was slave labor.

By the time I was nine I was helping make meals and clean. By tweleve I could cook full meals, clean the house and baby sit my younger siblings. DH, was brought up the same. He and I both worry about BM infantizing SD, but our house is the only place we can control. Even then DH gets long texts from BM any time he or I dare to ask SD to contribute.

Absolutely children need to be taught to do this. My SD16 didn't know how to make toast when she was 13. DH didn't want her to even pick up after herself because he didn't want her to 'waste time' doing stuff like that when she is here. But them sitting on their asses for 12 hours a day watching tv or playing video games is totally fine.

Children need to learn basic life skills.

My BD has been helping me since she was very young. When she was 7 I started teaching her to gather her dirty clothes and how to load and unload the washer and dryer. She is now 8 and does her own laundry, sweeps the floor, cleans her room and vacuums. She doesn't ALWAYS do it on her own though, sometimes I do have to MAKE her do it. And I have no doubt that it will get harder as she gets older. But I won't let her get away with not doing it.

I had the same difficulty with my SD's when they were 12. Just make it an expectation- DAILY. Because if it is only once and a while she will not get used to having chores. Train her and dad that that will expected of her.

Yep 12 is very much old enough to be doing a lot (well not doing but knowing how to do)

She should have a list of personal responsibilities (taking care of herself and her things - which involved keeping herself clean, and her things put away/room tidy)

She should also have a list of household responsibilities, we are all a part of the family and we ALL contribute. At this age my kids can cook an entire meal on their own. They can take out the trash, feed the cats, vacuum, clean bathrooms even! Do their own laundry if you want them to (I prefer to do ours all together as I hate wasting water) BUT - they know how - well dd12 does. They are expected to help unload the groceries from the car and help put away. Clean up their dishes (which means scraping plates, rinsing and putting in dishwasher - not just dumping them on the closest bench in the kitchen as skids used to do) Just work out a small list of things she CAN do, and say these are your household responsibilities...

WE also have a list of reward jobs. I don't "do" pocket money. Nowhere in this world do you just get handed cash for nothing, so my kids can choose to work to earn money. There is a jobs list - they can decide if they want to do something (they do have to ASK me if I need that job doing - can't vac and get paid if I only did it yesterday LOL) We have found that if they want to earn they will come and ask me what jobs need doing, or with the older girls as they got older and wanted more money they sat and divvied up the jobs and did them each week. I did have limit on how much they could do/earn a week though.....

At 12, I was watching my younger sister after school, starting dinner, vacuuming, dusting, doing laundry, caring for the animals ,washing dishes by hand (no dishwasher), mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning bathrooms, AND I had a regular paid babysitting job.

But kids today (especially entitled CODs) are too fragile and delicate to help with things, so...you really can't expect too much. You don't want to upset her and damage her self-esteem. :sick: