I stood up for myself
Well, it happened earlier than I would have liked it to or expected, but tonight I stood up for myself to my H. He put me in another impossible situation and rather than just not saying anything and stewing over it, I told him how I felt and he didn't take it well. So I told him that's fine, that I loved him and cared about him but that I deserve to be with someone who will make me a priority as much as I make them a priority, and that if he wasn't willing to do that then we should part ways.
I'm not sure what's going to happen when H comes home from work in the morning, but whether we stay together or don't, I know that I will not only survive but I will thrive. I'm not going to allow H/BM/SD to continue to turn me into someone as dysfunctional as they all are.
I think that now my biggest fear is that since this will not be my first at-bat with marriage that no one decent will ever want to be with me because of my mistakes. But I'm having less and less faith in marriage in general and feel like my friends who are in their late 30s and still single (I'm in my late 20s) have had it right all along.
The only thing that's nagging at me that really really hurts is that BM was straight up ABUSIVE to DH. Horrible. If she had been a man, she'd have been in prison. Stuff I had never heard of someone having to put up with. I helped DH, I organized all his stuff to get visitation with SD, I fought for him, stood up for him, and now that the dust has settled, *I'M* the one being left out in the cold. I always built him up, never tore him down, told him how amazing and impressive I thought he was... and I still wasn't worth fighting for.
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What happened?
What happened?
You've grown while DH was
You've grown while DH was deployed. You've been to therapy. You had your mental vacation without MIL/SD sharing your relationship with DH. You've thought about your Life, your marriage and how you would like to see yourself be treated by people you love. Good for you.
DH left behind one wife and came home to a slightly different one. He is probably uncertain and wants to stuff you back into the box that was labelled with your "Name, serial number, job description, requirements for Care & Feeding" taped on the outside.
Ask for change. Don't assume that you need to split up necessarily, but ask clearly and concisely for what you need and want. Boundaries. Priorities. Respect. Consideration.
BTW: don't worry about the stigma of "failed" relationships haunting you. From everyone you have ever been involved with, you have learned, you loved and you have emerged stronger.