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Facebook,SIL......advice please??

Sootica's picture

I don't really use FB all that much.My main reason for going on there is that I am a member of a particular group of a certain breed of cat that I have.Its a nice friendly group,people like sharing pics of their kitties and advice if asked for it.

Last night I get a friend request from SIL1. I am not close to this woman at all we are polite to each other at family gatherings but she is quite self centred and all conversations with her are all about "me,me,me!". SIL 2 and I are close,she has made a real effort since DH and I got married a few years back to welcome me into the family.SIL2 told me a while back that SIL1 is friends with BM on FB.I don't want to and haven't excepted SIL2's friend request for this reason but now we are all going to MIL next Saturday for a meal and am not sure what to say if SIL1 asks me why I haven't excepted her request.She is that type of person she would totally ask a person outright and it would not cross her mind that perhaps I haven't accepted it because I don't feel comfortable because of her being friends on there with BM.SIL1 is a SM herself and she knows what a nightmare BM has been to both DH and myself until cast iron boundaries were put in place and even then she tries her luck.She is also aware that BM cheated on her brother TWICE (that everyone knows of and who knows how many more times) while they were together and used him as her personal ATM yet still is "friends" with this woman.If someone did that to my sibling I would write them off from my life completely.

I also don't want to say to SIL1 that I haven't accepted her friends request because she is friends on there with BM as SIL2 told me because the two SIL's had a huge arguement a few months back and are no longer on speaking terms,so I don't want to make a bad situation between them worse.

Please give me some advice on what to say to this woman when she corners me next weekend?

Comments

MidwestStepmom's picture

Just play dumb and say you never got one, or you don't know how to use it, or you don't go on offten so your not aware of the request yet.

I'm the person that would come out and say it "cause I don't like you"

Red_panda7's picture

You could be honest and say I thought to avoid conflict I'd talk to you about it because your BM is on there too and it might cause uneeded tention on an already tawnt cord between her and I
Tell her its not that you don't like her or want to share things with her but it might make things more stressful and that you'd like to politely decline but if things change for better later would be happier to add her then
for a long time I didn't add my own Step mom because my mother wasn't comfortable with her seeing stuff she'd post and maybe and I was happy not to start a new fight

Maxwell09's picture

You don't have to include your SIL2 in your reasoning at all. Just say "because you're friends with BM." Truth. Plain and simple. No point in saying you didn't get one it should say pending on her end I think. Just be honest, because that's better than getting caught in a lie. You could also accept and put her in restricted list or whatever settings so she can't see all your post. I haven't been on Facebook in two years so it might have changed by now but I'm sure that function is still available.

simifan's picture

Depending on privacy settings you can see someone s friends or they are blocked. Either way I'd go with "I wanted to make sure our lives are kept private from BM."

Sootica's picture

Thank-you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read my post and respond.SIL1 is also friends with DH's cousin's wife on FB-the cousin's wife is very good friend's with BM,she is the same woman who I posted about a while back who eavesdropped on my conversation with SIL2 regarding our infertility issues,ran and told BM who then said to me in front of a group of SS parent's friends how infertility is natures way of ensuring people who aren't meant to have children don't have them (I posted about this a while back too).

I think I will just have to tell SIL2 straight why I haven't accepted her FB request.

WTF...REALLY's picture

If it becomes awkward and you feel pressure to be her fb friend, you can block both BM and the cousins sister. This is what I had to do. I have SIL blocked but am friends with my MIL.